Friday, April 30, 2010

Remember the Georges Laraque Commercial?

Remember that God awful Octane energy drink commercial featuring Georges Laraque? Yeah, it caused a bit of a stir, even got me to write during some crazy busy times with work. But finally, FINALLY, somebody spoofed that.

Yes, I agree, things are better in rewind and slow motion.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Surprised It Took This Long

A Dominic Moore "History Will Be Made" video. Avert your eyes Caps fans; you may end up stabbing somebody.

Now; obviously made by a Leafs fan, the tag line is "What if Dominic Moore was never traded?" how freakin' weak.

There could be dozens of better lines.

- "What if Dominic was the other Moore?"
- "What if the Rangers, Pens, Wild, Leafs, Sabres, and Panthers wouldn't have gave up on him?"
- "What if Dominic Moore was an expert?"

I could go on and on.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Fired Up Yet Caps Fans?

Maybe this will help urge on those feelings of disgust towards our brothers up north.

I shall decree here and now, so let it be known, that any grown ass man, happily wearing face paint and/or temporary tattoos, deserves a fate becoming of him; watching hockey with the cast of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.

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Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Team Algeria 2010 Jersey

I know we've all been waiting with bated breath, but finally, fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinally, Team Algeria's 2010 Hockey Sweater is released.

The fact that Algeria has a hockey team is exactly why the terrorists hate us. The fact that Team Algeria has a Youtube account is why they won't win. Long live the West!

Fun fact: That's actually my favorite song.

Tomorrow: Montreal Burns. Last Night: They Woo

Television Cameras + Crowds of People = Disaster.

The real shame of it all is that these are cheering Habs fans instead of crying, due to tear gas and smoke from burning cars.

Oh well, there's always tomorrow. Seriously, tomorrow.

God the similarities between Habs fans and freakin' European soccer fans makes my eyes and ears bleed. Seriously, bleed.

And then there's Vancouver fans, you actually think this is a celebration?! What pissants! Oh yay, you can honk your horns. Enjoy Canuck Day...Canucks.

Pat Verbeek is No Billy Mays

Holy crap, Pat freakin' Verbeek, schilling for his own odor eliminator product? My God. Sign me up.

My favorite part; the last 5 minutes of the video. That's 5 whole minutes of just logos appearing on the page. But don't take my word for it, watch the video.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Caps - Habs Game 6 Live Blog

Join Steven Hindle, On Frozen Blog, myself and many others (even Habs fans) for a game 6 live blog.

Word on the street is that Lavar Arrington may be even making a stop in. Yes, former Penn State linebacker turned Washington D.C. radio host, Lavar Arrington.

Youtube Sensation "Little Sports Anchor"

Introducing the LittelSportAnchor: my latest and greatest Youtube sensation, or at least, that's what I'm going to make him.

Favorite parts:

1. He says Canadiens 13 times.
2. Los Ang...Los Angeleeeeeeeeeeeeeezzze...Los Angel...the Kings.
3. It'll be on Veerrrrrrrsus?

And yes, I make fun, but I certainly respect his passion for the game and his fandom for those Montreal Canadiens...even if he doesn't know the old guys.

Friday, April 23, 2010

The Kovalchuk Deal: Who Came Out On Top?

Well, with the ousting of the New Jersey Devils last night, unceremoniously at the hands of their hated division rival and border buddy Philadelphia Flyers, we have ourselves probably one of the best debates for this offseason. It was the blockbuster that didn't happen on trade deadline day, it was the Ilya Kovalchuk deal. Was the deal that sent Ilya Kovalchuk, Anssi Samela, and a 2nd round pick to the New Jersey Devils in exchange for Johnny Oduya, Niclas Bergfors, Patrice Cormier, and a 1st and 2nd round pick in the 2010 NHL Entry Draft, worth it? Let's get to it.

The Stats

This is obviously the easiest part of the deal to measure. We've got an established elite sniper traded for a solid defensemen, a rookie, a prospect, and a draft pick. Boom, the numbers.

Ilya Kovalchuk 27 10 17 27 9 8 2 21:40 22.3
Annsi Salmela 9 1 2 3 -5 0 0 14:26 19.4

Johnny Oduya 27 1 8 9 6 12 0 21:22 26.5
Niclas Bergfors 27 8 9 17 -3 0 1 16:29 18.4

Patrice Cormier, he of rather infamous notoriety, picked up 11 goals and 20 assists in 31 games spread across two teams in the QMJHL.

To compare, Niclas Bergfors had 27 points for the Devils in 54 games, double that of Kovalchuk, granted he is a rookie, but it is of note.

After the break, even more on the deal.

Ian Laperriere Is A Man

I don't know what this poor man did to the hockey Gods to deserve such vile punishment over the course of one season. First he signs with the Flyers, then earlier in the season in a matchup with the Sabres, he takes a Jason Pominville slapshot to the face, and now last night, in the series deciding win over the Devils, he takes another. To those keeping track at home; that's a broken nose and 60-70 stitches.

Needless to say, after two incidents in one year, Laperriere will soon be sporting a visor.

For a look at the man and the interview in the aftermath, hit the break.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

What A Cast of Characters in Montreal!

Hilarity all around. Ovechkin spraying 8 year olds, Carey Price two handing people from the bench. It's just a fun filled night of hilarity and unnecessary overreaction! Huzzah!

Wait, sorry, that wasn't last night. That's going to be Friday night. My bad, gawrsh, I really love Montreal.

Anyways, after the jump all the fun time spectacular misbehavior.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Stick Summary

So I was sent this email; I know plenty of people got it, but being a bit of statistics wonk, it intrigued me. Granted, looking into it, the email was sent from a PR firm representing Easton Hockey, so obviously they're trying to take advantage of the results, which frankly, I don't blame them for.

Basically the gist of the email was this: of those players that have scored a point during the playoffs (not including last night's games) what manufacturer of sticks were they using. So first off, remember this was sent to me by reps of Easton. Secondly, whoever put together this data, well a) you've got way too much damn time on your hands and b) it's definitely interesting.

Check it out after the break, in it's glorious Excel form.

Playoff Storylines: 4/21

So after last night, we've got some teams on the edge of inevitability (lookin' at you Ottawa), some evening things up (did anyone really think Detroit wouldn't?), but now tonight we have a whole new set of storylines to check out. Let's get to it.

Montreal Storylines: Staring down a 2-1 hole, can Carey Price return to prior form in his first start of the postseason? In his spot duty Monday, 31 minutes worth of it, Price made 21 saves on 23 shots. Can he backstop the Habs to a series tie?

Washington Storylines: What is wrong with the powerplay? Through 3 games, the league's best powerplay, which ran at a gaudy 25.2% during the course of the regular season, has yet to pot a power play marker, going 0-14 on the series. Alarming to note; as potential future opponents; Pittsburgh, Ottawa, Boston, and Philadelphia all have better penalty kills than the Canadiens (It is impossible for the Caps to play Buffalo in the next round via seeds).

For more of tonight's storylines, and a look back at last nights outcomes, hit the jump.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Playoff Storylines: 4/20/10

Well now that the uproar over kicking and interfering has finally blown over, or at least intended to, we can move on and take a look at the storylines for tonight's games.

Phoenix Storylines: Can they keep this up without the use of their benevolent leader Shane Doan? The Czech line of Vrbata, Hanzal, and Prucha will have to continue their steady play to take a commanding 3-1 back to Glendale.

Detroit Storylines: If Howard continues to struggle, 11 goals against in just 3 games, is it too late to take a look back to the old tried and true; Chris Osgood? Or will Babcock ride the pony that brought them there?

For now, after the jump, the rest of the storylines.

Slapstick Sports: A New Era of Hilarity

Oh my God. I can't believe this is real. The possibilities...are endless. I'd like to say thank you to Brett Leonhardt, Nate Ewell, Paul Rovnak, and the rest of the Caps crack PR team, for helping create, and letting me know of, this awesome way to mock things.

Oh Danny Boy; Hand Him the Oscar

There are guys we all love to hate; Avery, Ott, Carcillo, Kaleta, Crosby, whatever. And sometimes, you see something that makes you shake your head and say, 'Damn, what an asshat' and you move on with your life.

Well, early on in game 3 between the Devils and Flyers, we got a Carcillo moment that left Flyers fans a bit salty, but they'd be salty either way. Video.

I love what McGuire says 'Complete and utter fraudulent behavior' cause seriously, between the feigned outrage and everything else, that man deserves high marks for his dedication to the ruse.

He got the last laugh though, somehow, someway, being at the right place at the right time.

And yeah, I turned on ads. Why? I was finding motivation to post day in and day out to be difficult, balancing a real job, with the one in my parents basement. So the least I can do, if I'm going to inundate you cocks with ads is to a) at least make them pertinent and b) to give some incentive to clicking them. So the first BanginPanger deal of the year. 10% off at

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Again, I'm sorry, I held out for over a year and a half, and now, well now I going to add to my beer budget.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Top Storylines For Tonight: 4/19/10

So without having seen most of the weekends games (except the Sabres, whom I watched from the only "bar" in a dry county in Northern Pennsylvania, which was actually a just another room in the back of the fire hall) it's hard for me to write anything worthwhile. So I've come up with this idea; focus on the top story lines going into each night's games, from both teams standpoints.

Washington's Storyline - Who is Bruce going to head into Game 3 with in net? With Theo getting yanked on 0 saves on 2 shots, and Varlamov getting the win on 19 saves on 22 shots, who does Bruce go with? Is Theo's confidence shattered; heading into the building where he had his greatest season as a professional? Can Boudreau trust Varlamov enough, who in his only postseason performance, gave up 2 to extend the Habs lead to 4-1, then allow the go ahead marker late in the 3rd?

Montreal's Storyline - Can the Habs keep their focus and composure after blowing such a glorious opportunity to take a stunning 2-0 series lead over the Caps? Can they keep the big picture in mind, that they stole home ice and have exploited the Caps weaknesses thus far?

Buffalo's Storyline - With the loss of Thomas Vanek, and the stunning come from ahead loss on Saturday afternoon, can the Sabres rebound tonight in Boston to retake home ice?

Boston's Storyline - Can they continue to win the special teams battles? So far the Bruins have killed all 9 Sabres powerplay opportunities, while scoring on 1 of their 4 opportunities thus far.

Vancouver's Storyline - The Kings took advantage of sloppy play with the lead in game 2; resulting in 2 PP goals, including the game winner in Overtime. Can the Canucks limit those mistakes and learn to throw the dagger into the hearts when they have the lead?

Los Angeles' Storyline - Don't buy the inexperience line. Even though 6 Kings regulars picked up their first playoff points; they believe they can play with the Canucks.

Have any other story lines that we should be picking up on?

Friday, April 16, 2010

First...Quasi Line Brawl of the Playoffs

I only post because anything narrated by Rick Jeanneret makes it better.

Was there really an epic staredown betwixt Rask and Miller? No, not really. But I'll be damned if Rick didn't make me believe so.


Plus some expletives. Thanks to Sean Leahy of Puck Daddy with the find. And fun.

If only they hadn't listened and turned the mic off first.

And yes Capitals fan, that is a Canadian camera, and there's no way in hell that's gettin' turned off.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Stanley Cup Prediction

Click on it to bring the old school NHL 94 bracket to life ......................................................................................................................yeah I just typed a bunch of periods. Blame Twitterfeed, again.

And yes, I picked Washington to beat Detroit in 6 games.

West Predictions

And more picks. But since Twitterfeed ruined all the suspense in my East picks, I'm just writing until I use more characters than will be displayed annnnnnnd that should be good.

San Jose in 5.
Chicago in 6.
Los Angeles in 7.
Detroit in 6.

East Predictions

You want numbers? Here's your numbers.

Washington in 5.
New Jersey in 6.
Buffalo in 6.
Ottawa in 6. If this goes to 7, it's the Pens.

A Look Back

It wouldn't be a blog if I didn't make uber biased opinions and predictions before the season, and I wouldn't be me if I didn't take a look and past myself on the back for something resembling accuracy. So without further ado, my picks from October 1st, 2009.

Conference Standings
1. Washington 114

1. San Jose 118
2. Philadelphia 110

2. Chicago 111
3. Boston 106

3. Vancouver 99
4. Pittsburgh 101

4. Detroit 106
5. Carolina 98

5. Calgary 96
6. New Jersey 97

6. Anaheim 95
7. Buffalo 95

7. St. Louis 93
8. Montreal 93

8. Columbus 91
Fact: Re-doing those tables for the entire league standings would be absolutely ridiculous, just click the link to read them.

Fact: I thought the Flyers would be way better.

Fact: Flip Ottawa and Carolina and boom, perfect. I still contend Cam Ward's injury blew that team's chances outta the water.

Fact: I picked the Penguins record to be 47-28-7. Actual record? 47-8-7. Luck.

Fact: I underestimated both teams I root for, picking the Caps 7 points less than actual (the difference was OTL vs. Actual losses) and underselling my beloved Sabres by 5 points.

Fact: I will never, ever, again do Western Conference predictions. How do you get places 5 through 8 wrong; let alone none of them even making the playoffs. In the East my 7 of 8 playoff teams is better, but the order is all wrong.

So naturally, now that we see how much I suck at predictions, aren't you excited for my playoff predictions tomorrow? No? Eat a bag of dicks.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Mike Smith is a man! He's 40!

Love it. I hate Chris Neil, like, the way Trottier hates Bellows. That kinda hate.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

The Road To the 2nd Seed

There's currently a dog fight of Mike Vick proportion's going on at the 2nd tier of the Eastern conference. With 4 games to play in 6 nights; the New Jersey Devils, Pittsburgh Penguins, and Buffalo Sabres are all vying for the shot to play the Flyers or Bruins. Let's take a look at the scenarios, the probabilities, and who each team's constituents should be pulling for.

2. New Joisey Devils (45-26-7 97 Pts)

The Devils currently sit atop the Atlantic, and in the 2nd seed, by virtue of the 3rd tiebreaker, their 6-0-0 record against the Penguins. Of their 4 remaining games, they play 1 playoff team, 1 fighting for their lives, and 2 others playing for pride.

Remaining Opponents Combined Record: 141-127-45
Devils Record Against Remaining Opp: 8-5-1

3. Buffalo Sabres (43-25-10 96 Pts)

Since they can clinch the Northeast division tonight, the Sabres sit in 3rd in the East. They're upcoming schedule has the Rangers, who are 2 points out of 8th, Boston, struggling to stay afloat at 7th, Ottawa, firmly entrenched in 5th, and then the season finale in Newark.

Remaining Opponents Combined Record: 160-119-35
Sabres Record Against Remaining Opp: 6-7-3

4. Pittsburgh Penguins (45-26-7 97 Pts)

By virtue of sucking against the Devils, the Penguins currently sit in 4th in the East. Of their 4 left, they play the Caps, the Easts powerhouse supreme, the Isles twice, and Atlanta, when they'll be playing some rather inspired hockey.

Remaining Opponents Combined Record: 152-117-45
Pens Record Against Remaining Opp: 11-3-2


At this point; looking at these schedules, how can you not assume the Penguins are going to be grabbing the 2nd seed? But look a little closer. I could easily see both Pittsburgh and New Jersey having identical 2-1 records going into Sunday, or even really, New Jersey could be ahead by 2 points, having their most difficult game in their finale, while Pittsburgh plays Washington tonight.

As a Sabres fan, I don't hold any hope for 2nd, I think at this point (and by virtue of a 0-3-2 record against Ottawa this year) they are written in for 3rd.

Gut feeling? It plays out 2. New Jersey (on tiebreaker) 103 pts. 3. Buffalo 101 pts. 4. Pittsburgh 103 pts.

I don't think anybody wants that 4 seed, with a first rounder against Ottawa, then most likely heading to Washington in the 2nd. Yikes.

Monday, April 5, 2010

[Insert Rather Rude Long Island/Snooki Pun Here]

Who knew the director of Heat was an Islander fan? Oh, this guy just has a shitty name too? And he's an Islanders fan? Tough luck man.
Fact: BanginPanger is not meant as an insult to the one and only Darren Pang, nor do I claim to be him. The views and opinions presented on BanginPanger are of my own, and no other namesake of the site, the NHL, Buffalo Sabres, Washington Capitals, or anyone else.