Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Capital of the Jersey Foul World Strikes Again

I'm sorry. I like the Caps, but sometimes, lots of times, I wonder what people are spending their money on.

But anyways...this is an interesting one. Where do we stand on "official" nicknames of players on jerseys? Let's define it. Here and now.

We have Alexander Semin, #28 of the Washington Capitals. But actually, we have "JIZ", #28 of the Washington Capitals.

Now it's pretty damn obvious why his nickname is Jiz(z), and we even have video confirmation from Matt Bradley. So where do people stand on this? To the Twitter of course.

SpeakoftheDevs That IS a jersey foul!! It's Jizz, with two "z"'s. RT @BanginPanger: Just saw a jersey foul, Caps #28 name? JIZ

Space_Weed Kinda funny, but in a mainly immature way RT @BanginPanger: Just saw a jersey foul, Caps #28 name? JIZ

JeffHoppis @banginpanger but its his nickname!

hmabb It's his nickname in the locker room, according to Bradley. RT @BanginPanger: Just saw a jersey foul, Caps #28 name? JIZ

wyshynski Still not sure on official nicknames. "Great One" 99 Kings RT @BanginPanger Does Jiz being Semin's nickname make it anymore a jersey foul?

mlse @wyshynski @BanginPanger What is this? The XFL? Jersey Foul all the way.

SkinnyFishbowl @BanginPanger Important fact Semin does not equal semen. Jersey foul.
So where did that get us? Well, Caps fans call no foul, everyone else? Foul, for multiple reasons. I think we have to look at this in terms of the greats.

If you saw a #99 Kings jersey that said "Great One" what's your first thought? You see a #66 Pens that says "Super Mario" your initial reaction? You see a #9 Habs jersey that says "Rocket", your thoughts? A #68 Pens sweater, "Mullet" what do you think? How about a #17 Leafs jersey that says "Fabulous"?

What do I think? Sorry dude, that's a waste of $150 bucks.

Ed. Note: Fun fact; enlarge the photo, right behind the penalty boxes, guy leaning back, yeah that's a #14 "Flash" sweater. Yeah, that's Tomas Fleischmann's nickname.

Hungry Irrational (Crying?) Leafs Fan #543432211 Loses It...For Good


I love my life. He does not.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Pens on the Mind Much; Joe B?

Washington Capitals Play by Play man, or is that Syracuse Lacrosse play by play man, Joe Beninati, had the opportunity to do the Versus broadcast last night. With ultimately the game winner being scored by Tim Kennedy, Joe B had just a little mix up, over, and over, and over, again.

To be fair, the Sabres have Tyler Myers and Tyler Ennis in the lineup, so it could've been a slip. But considering Timmy was called Tyler, oh, about a dozen times throughout the night (Joe B eventually apologized half way through the 3rd period, saying whoopsies), we know it's no mistake.

Joe's got his eyes set on one thing; the Pittsburgh Penguins.

Also, let's take a moment and point and laugh at Tim Thomas. Good.

Hershey Bears Do Good: Again

Apart from wearing their garish auction uniforms, year in and year out, the Hershey Bears also get involved in the community in other ways. Like this past weekend; where 10 players went buzzed in honor of Bryan Helmer's former teammate. Here's the release from the Hershey Bears website.

Following Saturday night's victory, 10 Bears buzzed their head to raise money for cancer research and Bryan Helmer's former Albany River Rats teammate, Jeff Christian, whose 8 year old daughter was recently diagnosed with rare adrenal cancer. The players who participated were Boyd Kane, Alexandre Giroux, Jay Beagle, Sean Collins, Andrew Gordon, Andrew Joudrey, Bryan Helmer, Grant McNeill, Karl Alzner, and Patrick McNeill.

Bears fans raised more than $4,100 in under two hours and many stuck around following the game to witness the head shaving. Raffle tickets were sold during the game and 10 lucky winners were randomly selected to be handed the clippers to shave a Bears head.

Proceeds from the event will be divided between cancer research at Penn State Hershey Medical Center and the Christian family.

A big thank you to all fans who participated in this event.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

It Is What It Is

By now, if you follow me on the Twitter; you've already watched the video of Pat Kaleta's sweet nothings to Dom Moore. So why am I posting it here? So I can watch it again, later, over and over. I use this site as a repository of crap, and seriously, isn't this all nothing but crap?

At least I'm not an effing geek. [ed. note: Debatable]

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

The NHL's Goal Scoring Depth

To steal a phrase from legendary (hated?) broadcaster Rick Jeanneret, what makes a team scary good? Well, who the hell knows what that guy ever thinks, but we can try to separate the squads who are too legit to quit against well, Boston. Sorry Boston, but you suck at scoring goals. and life.

The following will have the goal scoring breakdowns for each division; the number of 10 goal scorers, 20, 30, 40, etc. I know, you're excited.

Atlantic Division

New Jersey NY Islanders NY Rangers Philadelphia Pittsburgh
10 5 6 6 5 8
20 1 2 0 3 2
30 1 0 1 1 0
40 0 0 0 0 1

Some thoughts on the Atlantic? 4 prolific scorers (Sorry Kovalchuk, your goals count for Atlanta): Parise; Gaborik; Carter; Crosby. Malkin and Richards? Sorry, bad years. The Penguins actually have the most 10+ goal scorers in the entire league with 11; Buffalo and Chicago trail with 10 guys with over 10.

Northeast Division

Boston Buffalo Montreal Ottawa Toronto
10 6 8 5 6 5
20 1 2 3 2 2
30 0 0 0 0 0
40 0 0 0 0 0

So the Northeast. Boston, my God. Though looking blankly, you wouldn't think Ottawa (-16 goal differential...awesome!) and Toronto (It's Toronto) don't fare much better. The difference? Boston's leading scorer; Marco Sturm; has 21 goals. Phil Kessel's got 28 in a shortened season, but you know, I've got no excuse for Ottawa.

With one more goal out of Derek Roy and Jochen Hecht, that'd make 6 10 and 4 20 goal scorers for the Sabres, that'd make them a little more intimidating up front, but their strength obviously lies in between the pipes, so they get a pass for balance.

Southeast Division

Atlanta Carolina Florida Tampa Washington
10 4 4 6 1 2
20 3 3 1 3 5
30 1 0 0 0 1
40 0 0 0 1 1

Take Atlanta with a grain of salt; they wish they had a 30 goal scorer, those 30+ belong to Ilya Kovalchuk pre-trade deadline, but they stay in purgatory, I mean, Atlanta. Tampa; oh silly Tampa. Outside of the revelation that is Steven Stamkos (but he still plays into this), look how egregiously top heavy that team is. You can name those 5 guys super easy, but anyone else on that roster? Get the ef outta here.

Then there's Washington, the team who currently has 47 more goals than any other team; the league's leading scorer, the 3rd highest assist man (funny how those all correlate eh?), etc. They, along with Chicago, lead the league with 5 20 goal scorers; the difference? The Capitals have a 30, and a 40 goal guy on top of that; the Hawks don't.

Central Division

Chicago Columbus Detroit Nashville St. Louis
10 5 2 4 7 7
20 5 3 3 2 2
30 0 1 0 0 0
40 0 0 0 0 0

The Central is a beast untamed. Or something. Chicago is 3rd in the league in goals scored; but has no elite numbers. For Nashville; Patric Hornqvist is having a career year with 28, but no one has over 50 points. St. Louis is led by 2 guys with 21 goals a piece. Sad. Columbus? Christ who even cares.

Detroit on the other hand is now getting healthy, and turning on beast mode. They got back Franzen, who's got 7 tallies in 17 games. I hope the feel good story Coyotes are prepared for a first round bouncing. Cause they should be.

Pacific Division

Anaheim Dallas LA Phoenix San Jose
10 3 6 7 7 5
20 2 3 1 1 1
30 1 0 1 0 1
40 0 0 0 0 1

Am I the only one (on the east coast) that can never remember which division is the Northwest and which is the Pacific? Anyways, is the Pacific the best offensive division, overall in the league? No, but Washington just ruins everything for everyone! They are the only division with each team potting over 200 goals. So there's something to be said for that.

Northwest Division

Calgary Colorado Edmonton Minnesota Vancouver
10 7 5 7 5 3
20 1 3 1 3 4
30 1 0 0 0 2
40 0 0 0 0 0

Vancouver; surprisingly; is the 2nd highest scoring squad in the league with the Sedins leading the way. Calgary is a victim of their own overpaid blueline, they have 5 guys (2 are since gone via trade) that have 1o or 11 goals. That's impressively low. It's good to see Minnesota break free (kinda) of their trapping ways, even if Havlat has been a disappointment.

So there you go kids, and what have we learned? Nobody stands up to Washington defensively, that's a whole other beast.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Daymond Langkow Scary Moment

Watch the video; Daymond Langkow takes a slapshot in the back of the neck.

From the story...

Less than three minutes after Toskala was pulled, Langkow was forced to leave on a stretcher.

Langkow was checked from behind by Minnesota defenceman Greg Zanon and hit Wild defenceman Marek Zidlicky as he lost his balance and fell forward. With Langkow's head down as he fell, Calgary defenceman Ian White fired toward the net and hit his teammate.

Langkow was not moving as he was removed from the ice on a stretcher. The 13-year veteran remained on the ice for nearly 10 minutes before leaving.

One has to say, as scary as that is to see, would he rather take the shot in the neck or to the jaw? Either way, yikes.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Oh Harry Neale:

Harry Neale - "The only difference between this guy and a horse's rear end is this guys old enough to vote in the next election!"
Rick Jeanneret - "How do you know?"

Classic old man-isms.

Thoughts Post

I'm allowed to do this, cause people care what I have to say. Right? Wrong? Right. Anyways, there's been more than enough written lately about the suspensions, non-suspensions, clowns and Campbells to sink a ship. So, I'm just gonna throw some quick thoughts on some hot stove topics here this morning.

  1. The Matt Cooke Non-Suspension

    Precedent. 100%. The other "highly publicized lateral blind side head shot" from Mike Richards on David Booth garnered no suspension, and people are surprised that the 2nd HPLBSHS of the year didn't either?

    Did anyone even stop to think of the NHLPA ramifications if Cooke would have gotten suspended but Richards didn't? Would the already in tatters Players Association have been able to file a grievance for Cooke? How could the NHL even defend it with the precedent already set in the Richards ruling? They couldn't, either way it was a no-win situation for the League and that had to swallow that.

    Anyways, I hear HPLBSHS leads to cervical cancer, that might end up being a problem for Cooke...the pussy.

  2. The Ovechkin Suspension

    Was it a hard hit? No. Was it a stupid, reckless thing to do? Probably. If Campbell doesn't lose an edge and flies ludicrously into the boards is it a penalty? 2? 4? 5? Game? Probably 2. Now if Campbell isn't "out for the season" (which certainly came out awful quick before the verdict was laid down by the League) would it have been a suspension or just a fine? Now that is something to consider.

    One thing though is for certain. The debate surrounding the suspension, Ovechkin's play, and the whole furor around it, only leads to one hypothesis: Alexander Ovechkin is the biggest star in the game and slowly usurping Crosby as the face of the America. Americans sure don't like losing, especially to our very own hat, and having Crosby score the game winner, sure doesn't endear him to the casual American fan. I'm not saying, I'm just saying.

  3. I was in Chicago this past weekend. You can just tell when you've got a fresh bandwagon city on your hands. I could tell when I moved to Washington D.C., I could tell when I rolled in Chicago and saw one of the biggest pet peeves of mine. Those green abomination jerseys. I don't care how much you love your St. Patrick's day, I don't give 2 shits about how Irish you are. You can wear that jersey once a year without looking like a douchebag.

    Ok I was wrong, there's no way this guy in the Bobby Hull jersey doesn't look like a douchebag 365. Over the course of the day Saturday I saw numerous shamrock fails; Hossa, Toews, Kanes, hell I even saw someone with a green Huet jersey. Seriously, issues.

  4. Versus and DirecTV

    Did anybody even notice this over the announcement of Ovechkin's suspension? Outside of Steve Lepore of course. Those sneaky Comcast bastards and their late afternoon work rush announcements.

    Now the question is...Did anybody who has DirecTV actually watch Boston at New Jersey? I'm not sure they could've picked a more offensive match up to come back to.
I'm done prognosticating. See? Absolutely nothing to offer.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Chris Pronger...Ouch.

Apparently Patrice Bergeron finally came back from Vancouver, Chris Pronger might still be there. Not entirely sure why Pronger thought he was gonna try to go outside when he was already along the side wall, but man, those ankles got straight busted.
Now as for that jock strap, I've got no clue where it is. Might wanna check further down Broad Street.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Matt Barnaby Chat Wrap Fun Time Explosion

This afternoon over on, while I wasn't working, but certainly wasn't actually trying to read anything about hockey, I came upon Matthew Barnaby's "live" chat. Seeing as how I loved him as a kid growing up and mock him weekly for his excessive use of exclamation points on Twitter. Then this happens.

10 years ago, Matt Barnaby would've railed this Jeff Cook of Pine Island, Minnesota, smile that shit eating grin, and skate away satisfied.

Today, Jeff Cook of Pine Island, Minnesota, wants to rail Matthew Barnaby, smile that shit eating grin, and roll over satisfied.

And that image, folks, has completely ruined your afternoon. You, are welcome. You can go back to listening to Owl City, jerks.


I love seeing the "tiers" in which we can group the NHL so far into this season. It's like the Caste System, minus the rats and bathing in Ganges shit water. Thanks to SportsClubStats for being bigger nerds than you and I for this.

You've got your top tier; your Caps, Hawks, and Sharks, you know, the teams that have been the class of the league all year.

Then you've got the above average teams. The Pens, Devils, Kings, Sabres, Predators, Avs, etc. All kinda group right around there. They're like the girl you will ask to prom, once you get shot down by your reach. You know what I mean.

Then the clusterf*ck that is the 6-12 seeds in both conferences. So many questions, so little answers, so many hopes, so little hope. The Wings and Flyers are trying to get out of that grouping, but will they? Probably.

Ok, now it's the fun part. Let's all point and laugh at the Leafs and Oilers. Hehehehehe.

Bye boys. ;)

(Edit: Just for Pension Plan Puppets, the Leafblower has become the Lube Throttler)

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

That's A Lotta Hooch


Tuesday, March 9, 2010

So Let's Help A Guy Out; Shall We?

So I got an email from a fellow in a fantasy hockey league, who's love for the game has been rekindled by the Olympic games. He has no team; hell, he's just trying to learn to love again. And here is where we come in. Let's help this poor bastard pick a team.

For those of you that do not know me, I am AJ, and I hate hockey. Hate is often used in loose terms, and that is also true in this case, as despise would be a much better fit. So here I am a person despising the game of hockey watching the US v. Canadia hockey game on Sunday actually enjoying myself. It was a great game and I have spend the past few days dwelling on my bewildered enjoyment of that game. The conclusion I have reached is that I am going to give hockey a chance and I am writing this rambling email requesting suggestions on a favorite hockey team. I have some criteria for my new favorite team, which will be listed below, and if you have have any suggestions I would appreciate it if you would make a case that team. (And yes this is actually a serious email).

My criteria:
1) The team must be located in the United States. By watching the Olympics I learned at least Vancouver has a NHL team.
2) The team must not have a Canadian as its best player or two. I know that knocks out the Penguines bc of Crosby, but I have no idea what other teams have star Canadians - ie: Luongo.
3) The team must not be the Buffalo Sabres. This was an initial thought bc I heard that the US goalie Ryan Miller was on this team, but then I thought about what Buffalo stands for and the fact that the Hafezis live there. And Buffalo has ugly women. And Buffalo is too close to Canadia. The list goes on and on...
4) The team must not be a perennial loser, as I already root for the Royals and Chiefs. The team does not have to be a top team every year, but I don't want them to suck balls either.

So PLEASE respond to this email with any team suggestions that meet the above criteria and provide any additional supporting information that you deem useful to an uninformed potential hockey fan. Thank you for your time and consideration.

PS - I really enjoy the irony of how well my fantasy hockey team has done to date when I only recognize the names of 2 players on my own team.
So based on that criteria people, who should this guy be rooting for? Based on what I've seen here; sounds like to me this guys perfect for jumping on the Detroit or Washington bandwagons.

Thoughts? Aside from whoever the Hafezis are, they must really suck.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Wait; Patrick Kaleta Can Play Hockey Too?

Let's be honest; when you think of Patrick Kaleta, (which you don't), you think of this, this, and this. Oh, and this and this. You don't think of mad scrambling defensive plays in front of Ryan Miller's crease, nor things Edzo would call a "goal scorer's goal." But lo and behold, that pesty lil bastard has got you all fooled. He pulled off both in the span of a single contest. Color me flabbergasted.

So how about the first video. Yeah, let's do that.

In the full highlights, at the 1:40 mark, you get a clearer picture of what he did, diving over Miller, across the crease, clearing the puck with a hand pass behind the net.

The 2nd play? How about an Overtime game winner?

Again, in the full highlights you get a clearer view, but here you've got a, well, what do they call him nowadays, a rat finked piece of shit, showing some hands, deftly banking off Lundqvist's right pad.

So, anyone pick him up in fantasy yet? Didn't think so.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Trade Deadline Live Blog

So knowing that I'm a Sabres fan, and knowing that most of the people that read this aren't (your loss), I'm going to be joining The Goose's Roost for a trade deadline liveblog extravaganza tomorrow, where we'll dissect, divulge, and bitch and moan each move made during the deadline tomorrow. Expect a lot of Sabres slant (as I'm told we're gonna see about a dozen different Sabres bloggers there), but hey, why not join us anyways?

Fact: BanginPanger is not meant as an insult to the one and only Darren Pang, nor do I claim to be him. The views and opinions presented on BanginPanger are of my own, and no other namesake of the site, the NHL, Buffalo Sabres, Washington Capitals, or anyone else.