Friday, October 15, 2010

The Return of the Worst Hockey Tattoos in the World

Yes; I've finally gotten around to it. It's the return of that special gallery of images that put BP on the map; or in complete reality, just made a lot of people visit the site since Deadspin linked to it.  But that's of no consequence, because another year's past, which is one more year for people to make absolutely horrible decisions.  And yes, people make horrible decisions, not like sleeping with your best friend bad, I mean sleeping with your cousin bad.

So without further ado; here's the latest gallery; by the way; if you somehow are one of these individuals who has slept with their cousin, and want me to take it down, just ask (though, I might not, you're the dipshit who posted it on the internet to begin with).

Let's start with an absolutely horrifying trend; the incorporation of team logos and tribal designs.

Which one is best? None, because they're hideous. Last I heard, White-Anglo-Saxon-Protestant wasn't a tribe. Stop this immediately.

Let's move on to our next category. How about the "bad ass" tattoos. Yeah; tough guys!  Skulls! Mohawks! Bulls!  Woah, woah, woah, what the hell does a bull have anything to do with the Flyers?  And my, what a coincidence, all Flyers fans!

So what's next; ahhh; the I got a tattoo because I hate your team; not because I love mine. These guys' inferiority complex makes my head spin.

Hey Red Wings fans; EAT YOUR HEART OUT! Next.

Yes, ill conceived player tributes.  You recall the Gretzky, the Messier, the Roenick ones from last year, these are a little more subtle, but just as contrived.

You see Goose is Paul Gaustad's nickname; but you see, now they're stuck with an effing Paul Gaustad tattoo.  The Ed Belfour tribute is nice gesture I suppose, but I bet you had to be drinkin' with Ed to have that done. And Max Talbot; really? Why does he have a pretzel rod hanging out of his mouth?

Now let's move on to "When bad things happen to good logos".  Everyone wants to be original, I get that, that's why you're getting a tattoo in the first place.  But you'll notice, a normal logo is never considered a bad tattoo, but one that has angel wings connected to it?  Awful tattoo.

Jesus H. Christ; that girl is going to have a Goodyear on her neck the rest of her life.  Yay Hockeytown!

Now let's go with the old Cup celebration memoriam on my skin tattoo.  Always good fun here.

An amalgamation of 3 awful categories; Cup Memorial, Player Tribute, and Tribal.  Good Lord.  Dear '05-'06 Hurricanes fan, I like your use of the Pirate, if at any time or place anything to do with your franchise had to do with Pirates.  You're in North Carolina rube.  And the New Jersey tattoo; if it's even a tattoo, I'm like, 90% sure he just dug into his arm with a steak knife.

Now here's an odd category of awful; when shit gets real. Real personal.  I mean; if you're showing this off to people (you know you are), then I'd rather not have to be explained what the hell it means before I roll my eyes at you; I'd just rather roll my eyes immediately.

You know; I often times wonder What Jesus Would Do too; one thing is for sure; he wouldn't be playing hockey.  Also, I'm not real sure why a person would get a tattoo of Hermione Granger in a Canucks jersey on their sleeve, but hey, whatever [rolls eyes].

And finally we have the ladies tats; usually these are cute little butterflies on the ankle, something not quite noticeable, but still there.  But sometimes; it goes too far (thanks to Pittsburgh Sports and Mini Ponies on this one).  Way too far.

Woah.  Bet you weren't expecting that.  Oh, by the way, NSFW.  Too late; you're fired.  Woooooooo.

So there you have it; are these gettin' worse or what?  But seriously, wow.  You can find more of this awfulness over at the Hockey News, where people willingly submit this stuff.

Update:: You gotta check out this one too.  Steve from Pittsburgh (you'll see) just may have emailed me the most epic, and epic is the right adjective here, Pittsburgh themed sleeve you've ever seen in your life.  There's so much going on here, it takes like 30 views to appreciate how much that had to hurt to have completed.

Jesus; that is commitment to Pittsburgh; all he's missing is Dave Wannstedt.

By the way, if I unknowingly lifted from your site and didn't realize it, let me know, credit comes where credit is due.


Nuuuuugs said...

And the winner is... WWJD. Or maybe I'm biased because I hate Jesus.

Vance said...

I dunno man; I really hate tribal tattoos.

Anonymous said...

Uh yeah they are in North Carolina, one of of the home bases of BlackBeard. Whose the rube again?

Anonymous said...

That's clearly not blackbeard rube. and when people think of north carolina,im sure the first thing they think of is blackbeard and hockey

Vance said...

I just want to know when the Portland Pirates won a Stanley Cup. Rubes.

Anonymous said...

the rube is still the moron who thinks black beard has anything to do with the 'canes.

JOANNA said...

That chick ruined a perfectly fine ass

Anonymous said...

Maybe when he was painted on the side Cam Ward's mask.

Vance said...

So...Cam Ward is the rube in question?

edicius said...

*looks at his leg* That Red Wings Cup one doesn't have tribal on it, that's just a gradient swirl background. :P

Vance said...

I almost assumed the S gradient was in more tribute to Stevie Y.

See Carolina Hurricanes guy; this is how to be a good sport about things.

Nuuuuugs said...

Is that Devils tattoo the one Danton got in prison?

Anonymous said...

Perhaps the Carolina fan also cheered for the East Carolina Pirates. There are a lot of serious Pirate fans in the Triangle - ECU is about 90 miles east of Raleigh - walk the parking lots of the RBC Center, and you'll find them.

Eric said...

WWJD... Isn't it obvious? "Jesus saves! He passes up to the Holy Ghost, who shoots.. and SCORES!" Yeah, couldn't resist.

From the Point said...

Does Hermione Granger have a stuble on her face?

osama bin quaddin said...

WWJD is great.

penguins are cute, and so is girl's bum. I see no problem with the combination.

Most of them are great. Just because you don't know what it means doesnt mean there's not a story behind some of them.

Just relax a bit.


Anonymous said...

HAHA what i find really funny is the guy with the Talbot tattoo. DOnt get me wrong, Talbot happens to be my favorite player (while he was on the pens) But the irony is that Talbot shushed the crowd at a Philly game, this guy gets a tattoo of it (Which doesn't even really look like Max) and now Talbot signed over to the Flyers. I was upset when I found out having owning a Talbot jersey that he signed to the dark side but this guy must be PISSED!

Host Pay Per Head said...

ah, it is censure, I was thinking that it was a quite weird arm.

osama bin quaddin' said...

Hi. I'm trying to in subscribe to comments to this post because they keep emailing you work phone, but they keep coming. Anyone know how I can stop them from coming by email?

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