Friday, October 15, 2010

The Real Reason's Behind Early Season Anamolies

This early NHL action has been full of intrigue and carnage; Toronto's parade route is mapped and lawn chairs are already set up, all the while Pittsburgh is petitioning a return to the Igloo.  It's been unsettling and captivating; and I can't wait for things to go back to normal.

So for shits and giggles; how about we take a quick look at some of the reasons for the early season successes, or failures, around the league.  Starting from the basement of course.

But seriously, I'm starting from the basement because of who's there, otherwise, I'd go in any order I damn well pleased.

15. Pittsburgh Penguins - Injuries? Can't use that one yet. Wingers? Been using that for 2 years. Fleury? That one for 5.  So what is it?  Well, I just think it's part of Mario Lemieux's Plan; sponsored by Men's Warehouse; to stockpile another decade's worth of 1st Overalls, that way, he can get garner another generation of Penguins fans rolling in on the wagon.

14. Atlanta Thrashers - Wouldn't you know it, but Ondrej Pavelec is really needs to start standing on his head down there. Too soon.

13. Flordia Panthers - Tomas Vokoun has only given up 5 goals in 3 games; and he immediately credits Dale Tallon for removing Keith Ballard from the roster. 

12. Boston Bruins - Only 2 games into the season and absolutely nothing remarkable has occurred to this team; Savard got lost in downtown Prague though; he thought it was Providence; tough break.

11. New York Rangers - Torts really has these guys believing in him; hence why he's completely blowing up his current lines to insert Chris Drury into the top center spot; then again, with Erik Christensen there to start the year; 11th is optimistic.

10. Ottawa Senators - Pascal LeClaire was playing some great 0-2-1 hockey, and Clouston touted him their best player in the early going.  Jesus.

9. Buffalo Sabres - Woefully underperforming through their first 4, chief among them Tyler Myers, who is making Martin Brodeur look like less of a turnover-making fiend.  Turnovers, like delectable treats.

8. New Jersey Devils - Hey; look; the Devils got a 4th line!  Wait; who the hell are those guys? Is that Adam Mair your 3rd line center? Jesus.

7. Montreal Canadiens - As of this writing; Carey Price has not won in the Bell Centre in 247 days, 8 hours, 56 minutes, and 43 seconds. That trend looks to continue.

6. New York Islanders - You know, it says 6th; but they're tied with Ottawa at 10th; so you know, your win over the Rangers doesn't impress me in the least.  Especially with leading scorer Doug Weight heading up the roster.  Doug Weight.

5. Carolina Hurricanes - After beating up on the poor Wild over in Europe, Cam Ward is being Cam Ward again.  I'm not entirely sure what that means, but I'll throw it out there and let you have your own inclinations.

4. Washington Capitals - So at 3-1 this is disappointing start for the Capitals?  Hello, Capitals' fans, it's reality, everything will be ok. Shut up.

3. Philadelphia Flyers - Nikolay Zherdev, who was touted to score like 901 goals this season, finally potted his 1st in 4 games, Bob is taking the reigns from Boucher in net, where's McCarthy* when you need him?

2. Tampa Bay Lightning - Dan Ellis isn't having any problems yet, but once he does, not sure we'll see him again.

1. Toronto Maple Leafs - Hell has frozen over. Conspiracy.  Voodoo.  Pigs are flying.  Women can vote.  I'm not sure what's going on here, but good for their fans.  Wait; they're worse than Notre Dame subway fans; ugh.

Seriously, this season has started off all kinds of messed up.  I don't like it when everyone's preseason conceptions are all torn apart by some upstarts.  I wish they'd just know their role; jabronies.

* Joseph McCarthy you rubes; the guy who just blamed everyone for being Communist; if you didn't know that you probably thought I meant Darren McCarty and just couldn't spell, hence you didn't get the joke.
Fact: BanginPanger is not meant as an insult to the one and only Darren Pang, nor do I claim to be him. The views and opinions presented on BanginPanger are of my own, and no other namesake of the site, the NHL, Buffalo Sabres, Washington Capitals, or anyone else.