Monday, October 4, 2010
Let's take a look at some of the burning questions that keep Stamkos up at night when he tries to pee.
Burning Questions: Washington Capitals
1. Will Ted Leonsis improve concessions to the point where he and Boudreau will even eat there?
2. When will fans finally realize that Semyon Varlamov's constant injury isn't due to his indisputable athleticism but his incessant trysts with fat chicks?
3. Will a real American Hero like John Carlson stand idly by while his team is dominated by dirty, stinkin' Communists? AND CANADIANS?!?
Burning Questions: Carolina Hurricanes
1. Will Mike Krzyzewski be lulled out of basketball to coach the Hurricanes?
2. Can Cam Ward play a whole season like he did for a whole 20 games when he won the Conn Smythe and got all kinds of accolades he never deserved after stealing Martin Gerber's job and only getting through the East after Buffalo's entire starting defense was made of Doug Janiks and Jeff Jillsons?
3. Will Jussi Jokinen finally change his name to Juicy to appease Samsonov?
Burning Questions: Tampa Bay Lightning
1. What ex-Red Wing will Yzerman steal, er, hire next?
2. Will a Gagne, Stamkos, St. Louis line compile more than 94% of all goals, assists, PP points, SH points, and groin injuries than the rest of the roster combined?
3. Will Dan Ellis be able to sleep at night without his Hello Kitty nightlight he left in Nashville?
Burning Questions: Atlanta Thrashers
1. Can Evander Kane knock out Matt Cooke again?
3. Is that 2 questions? Shit.
Burning Questions: Florida Panthers
1. Who is even on this roster anymore?
2. With Keith Ballard gone; who will go ballistic on Tomas Vokoun's forehead?
3. Can David Booth recover 100% or will he languish forever in limbo with Eric Lindros, Marc Savard, and Leonardo DiCaprio?
I can still make bad Inception references right? I did it anyway.