Tuesday, September 28, 2010

3 Burning Questions: Atlantic Division

In hopes to get my ass in gear for the season; it's time to start looking at the burning questions heating up the league as the preseason carries along.  First up; the Atlantic division; where there are more douches than you could ever hope to compile in a single division; so, well, I guess that's the Flyers intro.  But of course we can't forget about the really unheralded Penguins, the Islanders, the Summer fling Devils and the Rangers.

Burning Questions: Philadelphia Flyers
1. What happens first: Nikolai Zherdev tears apart the Flyers' locker room or Hartnell's wife?
2. Will all 30 NHL arenas be forced to expand their penalty boxes to house Carcillo, Shelley, and both of Pronger's elbows?
3. Will Bill Guerin adapt to an urban lifestyle in Philadelphia after spending the last couple years in Pittsburgh?

Burning Questions: Pittsburgh Penguins
1. Since Sidney has moved out of Mario's house; will Mario be forced to sell Neverland Ranch East Coast?
2. Will Pittsburgh do for Mike Comrie's post-Edmonton career that Hollywood has done for Hilary Duff's post-Disney?
3. How will Bob Errey pronounce Zbyněk Michálek each night?

Burning Questions: New Jersey Devils
1. How much Krispy Kreme could a goalie eat if a goalie could eat all the Krispy Kreme he could eat?
2. When Parise goes down on the net hard; will Kovalchuk ever return the favor?
3. With half the roster rumored to be heading out via trade; will one of them throw the proverbial Jelly Jar at Lamoriello?

Burning Questions: New York Islanders
1. What is the going mortgage rate for homes in Kansas City? Winnipeg? Seattle?
2. Mark Streit gets hurt in practice; SUVs bounce off Brendan Witt and they got rid of which player?
3. When can I get my Nino Niederreiter shersey?

Burning Questions: New York Rangers
1. Glen Sather still retains his position as General Manager of the New York Hockey Rangers because?
2. Will Henrik Lundqvist be able to carry the Rangers to the promised land or will his back give out before then?
3. What, no Jagr?

Boom. Roasted.

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