Thursday, June 24, 2010

Who Tyler Myers Forgot to Thank

So you've seen it, or if you haven't don't worry, I'll embed it, but don't you even begin to think Tyler Myers was done with that speech. It's one thing to play off Jay Mohr and his God awful impressions of people who are actually funny, another thing to play off poor 20 year old Tyler Myers.

Tyler wanted to also thank many more people, before he was rudely Spike TV'd off the stage (after a sloppy Mark Wahlberg whored him to begin with). Let's see who he forgot.

1. Tyler wanted to thank the rest of his teammates; especially Pat Kaleta, ensuring he wasn't the ugliest guy on the roster.
2. Tyler wants to wish Hank Tallinder good luck in free agency, but hopes he comes back, he doesn't want to have to stand next to Roy and Gerbe in the team photo.
3. He didn't want to forget Derek Roy, for consistently making an ass out of himself on Chippewa so people don't bother him.
4. He wanted to thank Lindy Ruff for giving him the chance to stick with the big club, and he just loves the way his mustache tickles.
5. Myers wants James Patrick to know that he appreciates him acting like the "cool dad" and totally not busting him for all the beers in the back of the plane.
6. Myers missed out on the opportunity to thank Manute Bol for teaching him the finer nuances of skating on his edges.
7. He wanted to thank the Jolly Green Giant; for paving the way for future Ents.
8. He wanted to thank Eklund for not adding his name to any rumors yesterday.
9. He wanted to thank the voters for overlooking the fact that he led the league in giveaways.
10. He also wanted to thank United airlines for the added headroom on his flight.
11. He wanted to thank Landon Donovan for breaking Twitter today; he really hates Twitter.
12. He wanted to thank Abraham Lincoln, for freeing the slaves.
13. Tyler forgot to add during his speech thanks to Ryan Huska, his coach at Kelowna, for teaching him how to pronounce Kelowna.
14. Wanted to thank grandpa for pulling his teeth out with pliers.
15. Wanted to thank his middle school gym teacher for telling him white people don't succeed at basketball; try hockey.
16. Myers wanted to thank Office Depot for the premium multipurpose paper; and the gel ink pen, he really liked the way they worked together.

One last note; on his way out pretty sure he told Luke Schenn "nanny nanny boo boo, I beat you." I'm not sure how that makes sense, but it does, it does.

Did you happen to hear any more of Tyler's thanks? Throw 'em in the comments.


Fact: BanginPanger is not meant as an insult to the one and only Darren Pang, nor do I claim to be him. The views and opinions presented on BanginPanger are of my own, and no other namesake of the site, the NHL, Buffalo Sabres, Washington Capitals, or anyone else.