Saturday, November 28, 2009

NHL Video Fail

First I wanted to write something about how Ian Laperriere is a bad ass real man. But then there was no video of him taking the one timer to the jaw, consequently knocking out 7 teeth and requiring 50 some stitches. So that didn't happen.

Then I wanted to write about Tim Connolly's insurance goal last night, the "draw between the legs then pop up in the air then hope for a helluva lot of luck which he got" 4th goal. But again, not even a replay, hell, not even a clean look at the goal. So, yep, that's not gonna happen.

You know what else isn't gonna happen? Me writing anything else today.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

How To Not Market Your Team: Part 1

We all know the plight of some teams; it can be bad. But when you can't even market your own players to your fans, God, that's rock effing bottom. Oh wait, no, when you market Andrea effing Bocelli, that's even lower. Wait, who the hell is Andrea Bocelli? Is he like a non-Jew hating Ronan Tynan? Too soon?

Anyways, so I was browsing around the interwebs this afternoon, wasting time before I could officially start enjoying the Thanksgiving holiday (and get ready for tomorrow's Sabres/Caps tilt), then it happened; Panthers.nhl.com. What a mistake that turned out to be, what a marketing fail. I can't stand shit like this.

I can't help but notice how you're advertising PLAYERS THAT AREN'T EVEN ON YOUR OWN TEAM. You've got a weak hockey market? Sidney Crosby ain't gonna sell tickets, doesn't matter, apathy is a bitch.

But you know what will sell tickets? $1 Hot Dogs. You know what won't sell seats? Andrea Bocelli. You want big ole southern asses fillin' seats (no offense...well, kinda)? $2.50 Drafts. You know who'd rather have the $1 hot dogs and $2.50 drafts? Fatty Phil Kessel, good thing he'll be there on Nov. 27th!

I'm glad your nosebleeds tickets cost as much as a beer Sunrise, FL, but let's try to be run like an actual franchise here. Like maybe the Bruins, or the Wings (debatable I know), the Sabres, the Flyers, I could go on...so I will...God, you're even being out done by the Islanders.

This is your warning Florida, next we'll probably see them release a 3rd jersey that is just a rip off of a bunch of previous designs and color schemes. Oh wait, that happened? Ugh, you suck.

(By the way, seriously click on the Flyers link, it might be the internet's largest bukkake of all time)

Monday, November 23, 2009

Here's Your Hit of the Weekend

In what can only be described as the only positive thing to come out of Carolina lately, Tim Gleason levels Victor Hedman.

It's a nifty little break out by the Ligthning, but that 3rd pass should probably go to a guy that won't just skate directly into the hit. Maybe, but that's just me.


Friday, November 20, 2009

Wait; so Neids Doesn't Play For Philly?

That's kinda a surprise, considering the [insert adjective of your choice here] douchebags sitting along the dashers. It's inevitable that this will be everywhere, and justly so. It's that funny.



Why doesn't shit like this ever happen when I'm watching a game?

SoCal cool my northeastern uptight ass.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

I Guess I'm Precient Too

Big words. Big words. Can't help but notice how Sidney Crosby got the honor of carrying the Olympic torch yesterday, that's pretty awesome. Then again, so did this lady. Wonder what the hell she did to deserve such an honor? NOTHING.

Anyways, I just wanted to take this opportunity to tell you all that months ago I saw this very moment coming. I didn't know what the torch was gonna look like, so I improvised.



Guess I was off.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

The Most Underrated

Last night, while pregaming for some birthday celebrating action (yeah I turn 24...TODAY), I posed the question to the old Twitter legions; who do you think is the most underrated player in the league right now?

Naturally, it was the Caps fans who turned out most; blame Versus I guess, but I tend to agree with them; Brooks Laich. Even Pensblog, yes, the Pensblog, agreed with me. There's proof.

BOOM! Anyways, I got a bunch of answers last night, but thought we could still open it up to a greater discussion. Not that you people ever freakin' chat anyways. God.

So here's a list of some people that I came up with, were "tweeted" to me, whatever, here's a list.

  1. Brooks Laich
  2. Mike Grier
  3. David Booth
  4. James Neal
  5. Braydon Coburn
  6. M-E Vlasic
  7. David Clarkson
  8. J.P Dumont
  9. Cody McLeod
  10. Zbynek Michalek
Ok folks. That's in no particular order, just some guys off the top of my head who don't get nearly enough mention around the league for what they do. What do you all think? Who have you got?

COMMENT!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Some Guys You Just Root For

One of them has to be, absolutely has to be, the career minor leaguer. Listen, we can go on and on about giving up and moving on, some don't, some just can't. Some love the game so much, some have such a desire to just go out every night, no matter where, or for who, and compete, no matter where, or against who. And who can blame them.

I can't. Imagine getting to play hockey day in and day out. Like Brooks Laich said, "Players play because they love the game," Laich continued. "If I had one day to live, I would play hockey, for sure, at some point in the day." You see guys like Mike Keane, still kicking it down in the AHL at age 42, you see a guy like Peter Forsberg, who even though he's been injured the better half of a century, still insists on coming back for more, then you see a guy like Dean Arsene, a guy who gave his all, no matter where he was playing, no matter what his chances of making it really were.

That is, until Monday night, when Arsene made his NHL debut for the Edmonton Oilers after a mere 109 ECHL games and 333 AHL contests. Arsene got 9 shifts and 6:24 of ice time. Just over 6 minutes of playing time, and how did it feel? "Awesome." How did he find out? "Right before I went out for the pre-game skate I was told by Mr. Quinn I was in and my heart kind of leaped, to be honest." You'd think he was a fresh faced kid, he didn't call him coach, or Pat, he called him Mr. Quinn. That's just the kind of guy Dean is.

Even Sheldon Souray noticed and remarked on Arsene's debut, "It's the greatest league in the world and this is what you dream of as a little boy. He played well. He made one great play with a reverse (behind the net) and wasn't going to try too much, which is what you should be doing when you're getting your feet wet."

After all, Dean was beloved in Hershey during his 6 seasons playing for the Bears. Hell, his nickname was the Mayor of Hershey. John Walton, voice of the Bears, has all kinds of quotes from his former teammates, and the organization, who are just absolutely thrilled to see him finally get his chance. (Ed. Note - He left Hershey this year after Edmonton offered him a 2 way contract and a chance at the NHL). I've seen him at local Hershey bars after games, hell he's read to my Mom's 2nd grade students who undoubtedly gleamed up at a guy they thought was the most famous person to roll through Pine Street Elementary School since Mitch Lamoureux.

Dean's the epitome of a class act, the epitome of a hockey player, and I for one am beyond happy for him that he got his shot. It's stories like these that separate the NHL, and the hockey community in general, from other major sports. For every Rick Ankiel there's 5 Manny Ramirez's, for every Pat Tillman there's the entire Cincinnati Bengals roster. Low blows? Maybe, but the point remains. Congratulations Dean on making the show. Good luck, and hopefully it won't take 9 years until you get your next shot.

Sometimes You Just Wonder

...what the hell people think sometimes. Like say, Georges Laraque. I highly suggest you click here, but not here. Warned you.

Now, there was that little hullabaloo with Mr. Laraque and the buxom babes and bottled beverages, which I saw absolutely nothing wrong with. Actually, I saw a lot of things that were right.

But this, this is just wrong.

Tis a tit bit nipply in here eh?

Last thing I wanted to see during some early work day web browsing was some hot safe for work photos of Laraque stretching.

Monday, November 16, 2009

I'm Back; and uh, Here's a Hip Check

Since I'm back from my hiatus ventures about Central Pennsylvania mountainsides, which if you followed me on Twitter, you so would've known about, I figured I'd ease back into things with probably my favorite play in hockey; the hipcheck.

Granted in this video, Marc Methot gets a little low, but my God, if there's an easier way to break up a rush (besides Colton Orr-ing somebody across the chin) let me know. YOU WON'T! CAUSE THERE ISN'T!



I love it. You love it. We loved it.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Week...End...Outage

Sorry folks, I'm outta town. Off the grid. Outta here. Don't worry, I'll be back soon.


XOXOXO,

Vance

Monday, November 9, 2009

Here's My Issue

Everyone talks about the monster hits lately, but only when there's an injury involved. If Booth gets up and walks away, are we talking about anything other than the kid needs to keep his head up?

So I was lookin' for my normal cop out post on a Monday of the weekend's biggest hits, naturally I came across this gem from Saturday's game between the Ducks and 'Yotes. Mike Brown levels Petr Prucha...from behind.



But have you heard anything about it? Is there any more prone position for injury than being hit while off balance from your back side? There was no penalty on the play, nor technically would there be. But if Prucha's face down on the ice for 20 minutes after, like say, Steve Moore, we'd have plenty to talk about, but he wasn't so it's skipped over by anyone not writing under a Phoenix banner.

Pansification? Maybe. But it's just another issue that needs discussed in this whole safety problem the NHL seems to be having lately.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Weekend Debate

I'm sorry I've been so busy to post lately. But here's something to whet your whistle while I'm enjoying The Pennsylvania State University walloping Ohio State this weekend. Right now, RIGHT ABSOLUTELY NOW, who is playing the best hockey in the NHL? Not who has the best talent, who has the most points, who has the most goals, the preconceived notion of who the best player is.

Who is playing the best hockey in the NHL?

Ryan Miller


Anze Kopitar


Marian Gaborik

Craig Anderson

Alex Ovechkin

Sidney Crosby


Just missing my cut: Ryan Smyth, Ilya Bryzgalov, Chris Pronger, Patrick Marleau, Dustin Penner, Steven Stamkos, Rick Nash (in no particular order)

So who do you think?

Thursday, November 5, 2009

The Iowa Chops Strike Again

Another day, another Swine Flu outbreak. This time affecting my fantasy team, and of course, that makes it personal. Of course, this means another offensive talent for the B's goes down, so I'm sure they're just absolutely thrilled about it too.

David Krecji is the latest to come down with the over-hyped media sensation known as Swine Flu. The last topic more hyped than Swine Flu in this league was Viktor Stalberg.

So far, we've had Caps forward Quintin Laing, Colorado goalie Peter Budaj, Oilers D-man Ladislav Smid, and whereever the hell he's playing nowadays forward Doug Weight have all had it before. So Krecji makes number 5. 5 of 688 NHL players have contracted it?!? AHHHHHHHHHHHH PANDEMIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My theory? Well this is what we call a good old fashioned haunting. Who? The Iowa Chops of course. The poor bastards played a single season in the AHL, before being wiped out by the Board of Governors. Apparently the owner used the team as collateral in some sort of transaction, now that's a no no.

Anyways, the NHL will forever be haunted by ghost of Chops past. Don't front with the Pork Bellies, but by all means, oogle the Baby Backs. Too much...too much.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Welcome Back...Nugget

Phil Kessel, erhm, The Burkian Messiah, made his debut last night. Matthias Ohlund, I guess he'd be like, Pontius Pilate, maybe, in this historical allegory, welcomes him back to the world of professional hockey. Except in this story, nobody blames Ohlund for what he did.



Oh, and by the way, tell me that you don't think Phil Kessel reminds you of Owen Hart.

Brostud's Fight in Numbers

Yes, I just made up the word brostud, it's like a mix of frat boy cowards who talk shit when there's like 30 of 'em and 6 of you. Take for example, the New York Rangers.

Now usually, the Rangers would be a little too afraid of getting into too much of a ruckus, Gaborik might get hurt, watching. But last night against the 'Nucks, well, when you've got numbers, you gotta take advantage.



Check out the 2:11 mark, those bastards who beat Mystery, Alaska, have 2 lines out on the ice. Not even Kesler can beat those odds. Lance Armstrong could, but Ryan Kesler cannot. All in all, 5 misconducts, some other penalties, and a whole lotta laughs from the peanut gallery.

Hint: laugh, we're the peanut gallery.

Monday, November 2, 2009

You Know It's A New Season When...

...Phoenix leads the league with only 11 5 on 5 goals against this year. Last season? They finished 27th, with 163.

...Buffalo leads the league with only 24 total goals against this year. Last season? 14th with 229.

...The Detroit Red Wings have a 0% winning percentage...after leading the 1st period. Last year? They lost 1 time after leading the 1st.

But you know some things just don't change.

Like say, Toronto has given up 49 goals this season, well last year they ranked last in that too, with 286.

Some other fun facts so far early this season?

Exactly how worthless in the shots per game stat? Well, how bout the surprise Colorado Avalanche sitting 30th in the league with just 25.1 shots per game, yet hold the top spot in the Western Conference? Yet the Buffalo Sabres lead the league with 35.5 shots per game, and lead their division as well. So uhhh, quality or quantity?

Montreal has played 14 games this season, 6 of those have ended up in extra time, and they've won all of 'em.

Edmonton has been outshot in 11 of 14 games this year (and have only outshot their opponent once [and lost]), yet somehow they sit above .500.

Atlanta, as a team, has 48 hits. 4 players: Ryan Callahan (61), Chris Neil (59), Dustin Brown (51), and Jean-Francois Jacques (51) have more. Even goal scoring leader Alex Ovechkin is within striking distance, with 40.

Speaking of; 14 goals in 1 month? Ridiculous.

3 of the top 4 players; in giveaways; play for the Montreal Canadiens. Hal Gill leads with 21.

For any player with at least 100 faceoffs this year, Paul Gaustad leads the league with 69.1%. The most faceoffs won this season? 179 by Sidney Crosby, who also leads the league in faceoffs taken.

The forward with the most time on ice per game? Ryan Getzlaf, playing 22:14 a night...and that ranks 58th overall.


That's about all I've got today. Here's to hoping I finish this project and get back to posting regularly. We'll see.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

...and BOOM! Goes that Dynamite.

Marty Reasoner, A) I can't believe you're still in this league, it seems like you've been playing forever, and B) look where you're going, especially when guys like Chris Neil are on the ice. You should know better.



Now I think he knows better. That's definitely a "Neil" kinda hit though. Could've been worse, he could've been David Booth.
 
Fact: BanginPanger is not meant as an insult to the one and only Darren Pang, nor do I claim to be him. The views and opinions presented on BanginPanger are of my own, and no other namesake of the site, the NHL, Buffalo Sabres, Washington Capitals, or anyone else.