Monday, August 31, 2009

The One About Taco Bell and the Phoenix Offseason

Free agents:
D Dmitri Kalinin, 2,100,000 (u)
D Ken Klee, 1,250,000 (u)
C Petr Prucha, 1,600,000 (r)
RW Brian McGrattan, 605,000 (u)
RW Scottie Upshall, 1,250,000 (r)
C Joakim Lindstrom, 500,000 (u)
RW Enver Lisin, 850,000 (r)
D Keith Yandle, 635,000 (r)
LW Nigel Dawes, 587,500 (a)

C Daniel Winnik, 510,000 (a)

G Jason LaBarbera, 2 years (Canucks)
C Vernon Fiddler, 2 years (Predators)
D Adrian Aucoin, 1 year, $2.25M (Flames)
LW Lauri Korpikoski, 2 years, (Rangers, after trade)
D Keith Yandle, 2 years (re-signed)
RW Scottie Upshall, 1 year (re-signed)
C Daniel Winnik, 1 year (re-signed)

LW Nigel Dawes (Flames)
RW Enver Lisin (trade to Rangers)
RW Brian McGrattan (Flames)

Phoenix/Hamilton/Winnipeg is a freaking mess. Not in the same sense that Montreal is a mess, but the Black Coyojets, as I will call them, is just a plain old disaster. It's like the next morning after a night of hard drinking, and maybe even a run to Taco Bell for some Volcano goodness, and you have to hit the commode, then peer down in your toilet, yeah, they're that big of a mess. The only difference? The Coyotes aren't liquid. HEYOOOOO.

That is disgusting.

Anyways, the Jets are in such bad shape that they lost announcer Darren Pang this offseason, why? Hell, he didn't even know who he was supposed to negotiate a new contract with. That's just plain sad, Panger had it good out there in the Desert.

Oh, the roster? Well, they definitely got better by getting rid of Kalinin, who fled back to mother Russia. Resigning Scottie Upshall was probably a good play, if only to keep Melanie Collins in Phoenix. Everybody else? Aucoin could be steadying presence on that D-line, while I'm not yet sold on Korpikoski, I do know people that like him a lot. Daniel Winnik? Who the hell is Daniel Winnik?

Now the interesting thing with Hamilton is the young guns. Kyle Turris, Peter Mueller, Viktor Tikhonov, Mikkel Boedker, and even Jonas Ahneluv (anal love, ahahahahaha), at what point do these guys prove themselves? We know each one in their own right has "dominated" their competition at some point or another, and they seem to be ready to turn the corner (sound familiar Los Angeles?). So one has to think that Phoenix is heading in the right direction, no?

That direction being towards Ontario, I do believe.

Friday, August 28, 2009

He'd Hit That: Even Coyotes Can Date Foxes

See what I did there in the headline? God I'm awesome. Well, welcome to another trashy installment of He'd Hit That, not trashy in the sense of hookers, but trashy in the sense of we're nosing into these guy's private lives. Eh, you know what I mean.

Anyways, take a gander at Scottie Upshall's current gal pal; Melanie Collins. There were rumors of those two dating, but I think this particular "tweet" puts those rumors to rest.
@NBATVMelanie: - "Phoenix"-the puppy we got Scottie's mom!
Must be serious. But you know what, way to go Scottie. See, Melanie must've gone to Penn State the same time I did, actually, we graduated the same year (man, I missed out), and she got her big break with the Big Ten Network. See this photo. Now she works for NBA TV, maybe the wrong sport, but if she's gonna usurp Erin Andrews, she's gotta start somewhere right?

Oh you want a pic showing off the assets? Fine. FINE.

TRIFECTA! Anyways, Scottie Upshall, damn you. And awesome.

Sorry I didn't immaturely photoshop this one, I just would've felt like I was pissing on Picasso or something. You just don't piss on Picasso. But hey, joke's on Scottie, she gets to hang around all those pro basketball players, and you know what they say about NBA ballers...they have really big hands. And dicks.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Kane Plea Deal

So in a fight over $.20, Patrick Kane ends up with a big black mark on his record...oh wait, no he doesn't. The plea deal was just released according to WGR550 in Buffalo, what a freakin' joke.
Kane will plead guilty to one count of disorderly conduct and submit a written apology to driver Jan Radecki. The charge is no longer a misdemeanor, but a violation. He'll have a conditional discharge, and his record will be clean after a year of good behavior. Kane also has to pay $125 in court fees.
OH NO! NOT $125 DOLLARS IN COURT FEES?!? A LETTER?!? CAN'T I JUST SEND AN EMAIL!!!!!!!!!!11ONE11!!!! Jesus, a guy I know, someone who writes at this site, periodically, but not in the past 3 months, paid more than that for pissing in a bush outside a Penn State football game. Celebrity justice at it's finest ladies and gentleman.

BladeTape = Good Guys, VANOC = Hippies

Why do I say this?

Well, remember that post on the BladeTape that looked like weed? You don't? What the hell. Ok, well here. Shit, anyways. Actually, let's just post the pot tape.
Ok, so, BladeTape caught on and posted the link on their Facebook page (yeah, who isn't on Facebook).

They're all like 'Is this BanginPanger fella right?" (something like that) and yeah, most people thought it looked like weed. Except one guy, one guy was a total tool. What did he say? Well let's freakin' quote it.
I think all you need to do is look at the picture of the guy at the top of the page and take his comments for what they are worth. The guy looks like he's played hockey in his dreams but thats about as far as he ever got. It does look like a pot leaf but the printing of the maple leaf on the product is probably what makes it look like that. This guy's a plug and looks like he's never seen a meal he hasn't liked.
Apparently he thinks Mr. Fat Giggling Vancouver Canucks Fan on the banner is me. That's pretty awesome. Even if it is true I've never seen a meal I haven't liked, I wouldn't be caught dead wearing that ugly jersey, so obvi, not me. Douchebag.

But anyways, long story short. I ended up throwin' emails back and forth with their Director of Business Operations. That weed design wasn't even come up with by the people at BladeTape, no, it was the artists for the Vancouver Olympic Committee, so yeah, those BC folks really are a bunch o' hippies.

But that's not even the best part, BladeTape is going to send me one of those Ganja blades. How amaze-balls is that? So let it be now known, that BladeTape is fully, and justly, supportive of any and all things that BladeTape does from now on. Frankly, Willie Mitchell and Chris Mason can't be wrong.

By the way, I still think it looks like weed.

Captain Elbows Here to Save the Day

Free agents:
G Martin Biron, 3,500,000 (u)
RW Mike Knuble, 2,800,000 (u)
D Andrew Alberts, 1,400,000 (u)
G Antero Niittymaki, 1,375,000 (u)

RW Ian Laperriere (Avalanche)
G Ray Emery (KHL)
G Brian Boucher (Sharks)
LW Lukas Kaspar (Sharks)
C Krys Kolanos (Wild)
RW Jason Ward (Lightning)

Trade In:
D Chris Pronger

RW Mike Knuble (Capitals)
G Antero Niittymaki (Lightning)
D Andrew Alberts (Hurricanes)
G Martin Biron (Islanders)

Trade Out:
RW Joffrey Lupul
D Luca Sbisa

Well the Flyers are done wheeling and dealing for this off-season, I do believe. Unless they're going to move somebody, but I'm not sure who'd that be at this point. Alright let's get into these goons.

So the Flyers really bought into their image towards the latter part of last season, adding Carcillo to already one of the highest penalized teams in the league. Then of course adding Captain Elbows and Ian Laperriere did nothing but potentially create one of the gooniest lines in the history of hockey. Cote, Carcillo, and Laperriere? Yes, please. But only against the Penguins, that'll show em.

Do we want to talk about the Captain Elbows trade? I've heard a mixed bag from Flyer's fans. Some say this makes them the front runner in the East this year (the Hockey News agrees), but after this 1 or 2 year window, Prongers 35+ contract will certainly have to come back to haunt them, right? Obviously Holmgren, Snider and co. aren't worried about paying Pronger if he retires, because frankly those chances look pretty good. Do we even want to go into giving up Sbisa and the 2 #1 picks? I dunno, I'm not a fan of the deal on the whole, but if the Flyers win a cup, then it's certainly justified, no?

Now the Ray Emery situation. Here's the epitome of medium risk, high reward. We know Emery can be more than an adequate 'tender, but we also know he's prone to douchebaggery. So the Flyers bring him back to the league on the cheap, not necessarily upgrading from Biron, but definitely saving from what he would've asked for in a deal. The $1.5 million dollar deal is pocket change for the Flyers, if he doesn't work out, no big deal. If he does, then fantastic, that just cap-saving room to make another move later in the year.

Otherwise, eh, the Flyers are the same Flyers we saw last year. Heavy on the skill up top, heavy on the stick infractions below, should be an entertaining year for Philly fans though, that's for certain.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Because I Don't Feel Like Writing Today

OMG a video!

Girls dancing and stuff. Put your tongue away pervs. And lock the bathroom door, don't want your mom to walk in on that.

The end of that video is like an effing soap opera. The suspense almost ruined the moment....almost.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Poor, Poor Ottawa

Free agents:
C Mike Comrie, 4,000,000 (u)
RW Chris Neil, 1,200,000 (u)
D Brendan Bell, 500,000 (u)
G Brian Elliott, 757,720 (r)

RW Alex Kovalev, 2 years, $10M (Canadiens)
G Brian Elliott, 2 years, $1.7M (re-signed)
RW Chris Neil, 4 years, $2M

D Brendan Bell (Blues)

It seems like every team we've gone over these past couple weeks has turned over their entire God damned roster, not these Senators. Oh no, they tried. But Dany Heatley is over there playin' in the corner with his Hotwheels (get it? Ziiiinnggg) and he doesn't want to go. Bryan Murray probably has had a stroke with the nonsense that has gone down up there (then imagine how bad his rants would be). Oh well, let's get to the roster.

Re-signing Elliot and Chris Neil were savvy moves. With a healthy Pascal LeClaire and Elliot to back him up, the Sens seem to be better suited in net than they have since Emery's last coke binge. Chris Neil, as goony as he is, makes that team better, clearing space by running any and all.

Now the signing of Alex Kovalev, this one is a little perplexing to me. Last high profile Russian the Sens employed, well, he's still wearing mock turtlenecks playing in Russia. Assuming Kovalev joins the 2nd line at RW, he'll be playing with Mike Fisher and Nick Foligno (if I recall correctly), which certainly improves that line, but doesn't change the fact that the Sens are still top heavy offensively.

Oh well, until this Heatley debacle is resolved, Ottawa is SOL in my opinion. But who the hell cares what I think.

Really? He Hasn't Played A Single Game For You Yet

...yet he's now the face of your team? I get it. You don't want Heatley gracing your site, that's well and good. But how bout, oh what's his name, that guy who's been your Captain for about a decade now? Oh well, you guys are a model of ass.

Oh, now, please, tell me your webmaster and his interns have just a plain wicked sense of humor...cause this is too much.

Kovalev and consistency in the same sentence? Shoot me in the face. But hey, since we're just throwing around Kovy pictures everywhere, here's another one.

I know you were all lookin' for Kovalev upskirt photos anyways, so I made it a little easier on you. Junk City, ON.

Monday, August 24, 2009

What Happened in Ranger Land? Wait, Sather Still Has a Job?

Free agents:
D Derek Morris, 3,950,000 (u)
RW Nik Antropov, 2,150,000 (u)
RW Fredrik Sjostrom, 840,000 (u)
C Blair Betts, 615,000 (u)
RW Colton Orr, 550,000 (u)
RW Nikolai Zherdev, 3,250,000 (a)
RW Chris Higgins, 1,900,000 (r)
LW Lauri Korpikoski, 984,200 (r)
C Brandon Dubinsky, 635,000 (r)
RW Ryan Callahan, 600,000 (a)

LW Donald Brashear, 2 years (Capitals)
RW Marian Gaborik, 5 years, $37.5M (Wild)
RW Ales Kotalik, 3 years, $9M (Oilers)
RW Ryan Callahan, 2 years, $4.6M (re-signed)
C Tyler Arnason, 1 year, $700K (Avalanche)
C Vinny Prospal, 1 year, $1.1M (Lightning)

Trade In:
RW Chris Higgins 1 year, $2.25 M
C Ryan McDonagh
Pavel Valentenko

RW Colton Orr (Maple Leafs)
RW Fredrik Sjostrom (Flames)
RW Nik Antropov (Thrashers)
D Paul Mara (Canadiens)
LW Lauri Korpikoski (Coyotes)
D Derek Morris, 1 year (Bruins)
RW Nikolai Zherdev (arbitration walkaway)

Trade Out:
C Scott Gomez
D Mike Busto
C Tom Pyatt

Almost as much nonsense this offseason went down in Manhattan as Montreal, and that's saying a lot. The hottest player for the Rags at the beginning of last season, well, he wasn't even offered a contract, say hello to Fedorov and co. in Moscow for us all Nik. But hey, there's some stuff here we can talk about.

Like Sather getting rid of that Gomez contract, who ever thought that was even possible? Sather must've pulled an illusion on Gainey, not tricked him though, tricks are what whores do for money. If you don't think New York was the winner in that deal, then you know what, you must be a Habs fan, and I wouldn't like you anyways.

But of course, for every good thing Sather did this offseason, he goes and pulls a dipshit move like giving Gaborik $7.5 million a year (still haven't learned your lesson with those $7+ million contracts eh Glen?) and giving a guy in Ales Kotalik, yes he of worth only on the PP and SO, $3 million. I mean, I realize this isn't your money you're playing with Glen, but it's somebodies.

So back to the Gaborik deal, I'm glad they realized they needed a top flight winger to spread out defenses, and he will definitely provide a more vertical attack, so to speak. But who exactly will his center be? Drury? We saw how that particular experiment (#1 center) failed last season? Dubinsky? Really? You want to make Brandon Dubinsky your #1 center? Nice. Nice.

Let's not forget about Mr. Antropov and Derek Morris. I'm not going to say Derek Morris meant much to New York, wasn't his finer moments. But there's no shadow of a doubt that Antropov gave them many more options when he arrived. His fit helped allow the Rags to stay in the top 8, and at times, had them playing their best hockey of the year, going 11-6-1 after acquiring those guys on March 4th. I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'.

Ok, ok, one more thing. Is Donald Brashear really an upgrade, in any way, shape, or form, than Colton Orr? I mean, unless you're trying to draw in some fans from Harlem, where are you goin' with this move? Seem to forget he practically almost killed Blair Betts during the 1st round of last season's playoffs? Yeah, that'll be an awesome locker room dynamic for the first month (that is of course assuming Betts re-signs, but I'm sure his teammates are still pretty pissed off).

Enjoy that Tortorella. Enjoy it.

Friday, August 21, 2009

He'd Hit That: It's Been Awhile

Well I guess it wasn't that long ago that we demeaned Jason Spezza. But hey, I do what I want. And guess who we have today, why none other than Thomas Vanek. So many in fact, that I could make a gallery. If you're a TV fan, visit his "official" site, some funny stuff on there, including a chubby faced TV with an Engblom mullet, yeah it's worth a visit.

So off to the gallery no?

So that's his college girlfriend, Ashley Lerner, well I spose it's Ashley Vanek now, as they got married last summer. They actually have a kid too, a boy named Blake (this is all on his site, I'm not that big of a creeper...or am I?).

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Just What You All Wanted to Know

The vaunted Hershey Bears jerseys, of all the hilarious goodness, (if you would like a reminder, just click here), are back for the 2009-2010 season. Thanks to the kind folks at Hershey Sports & Entertainment, we've got the schedule of the fun-tastic jersey auction nights, just so you, the fan, can bid on some gaudy wear. To the schedule!

10/3/2009 : Norfolk Admirals
  • Calder Cup Championship Jersey Auction – The Bears will wear special Calder Cup Championship jerseys that will be auctioned off after the game for charity.

10/24/2009 : Binghamton Senators
  • Breast Cancer Awareness Jersey Auction – The Bears will wear special Breast Cancer Awareness jerseys during warm-ups that will be signed and auctioned off during the game to benefit the American Cancer Society.
1/17/2010 : Syracuse Crunch
  • US Army Camouflage Jersey Auction – Bears will wear specialty Camouflage jerseys to be auctioned off following the game.
2/27/2010 : Bridgeport Sound Tigers
  • Washington Capitals Night – The Bears will wear special Washington Capitals jerseys that will be auctioned off after the game for charity.
3/19/2010 : Albany River Rats
  • St. Patrick's Day Jersey Auction – The Bears will wear special St. Patrick's Day jerseys that will be auctioned off after the game for charity.
Well you can count on me being in Hershey on 10/24 and 3/19, no doubt about it. The rest of the promos? Here.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

The Official Versus TV Schedule

Remember back when I got all pissy about potential TV schedules? Yeah that was like a month ago, I got my panties all up in a bunch, etc. etc. Well the official schedule was released, naturally NBC wasn't included since they're special (and homo) but right here we've got your appearances on Versus, in graphical form!

Chicago and Detroit will be on Versus 9 times a piece, while the usual suspects come rollin' in just behind. Though the Dallas, Minnesota, and St. Louis numbers are a little surprising.

Here's the link for the total schedule, you can sort by RDS/Versus/TSN all you want over there, but I'm not makin' that many graphs, that's just redonkuculus.

Hahahahahaha Wang, Charles Wang

Free agents:
C Mike Sillinger, 2,300,000 (u)
LW Dean McAmmond, 900,000 (u)
C Andy Hilbert, 700,000 (u)
D Thomas Pock, 685,000 (u)
G Yann Danis, 550,000 (u)
G Joey MacDonald, 500,000 (u)
RW Blake Comeau, 735,000 (r)

G Dwayne Roloson, 2 years, $5M (Oilers)
G Martin Biron, 1 year (Flyers)
RW Blake Comeau, 2 years (re-signed)

G Yann Danis (Islanders)

Oh Charles Wang, how you amuse me, not just your last name, but everything you do. Never change. Never change.

So aside from trying to get that Lighthouse Project off and running on Long Island, and the team totally screwing over Chris Botta, the Isles offseason was marked with the odd signings of Dwayne Roloson and later, Martin Biron. If it was one it wouldn't be a deal, but both? Now we've got questions.

Why 3 legitimate #1 goaltenders? Obviously, DiPietro won't be starting the year, but wasn't he supposed to be back soon after? Can't trust Rolly for a month of play before DiPi makes it back? How injured is he? Strained vulva? My God, makes Gaborik look like freakin' Cal Ripken. Is Martin Biron really going to spend time in the AHL? I would ask ole Chuck Wang but I'd never understand his reply "Werrl re're rearry, rearry excited about Marrin Birron coming to Rong Rirand to pray for my Isranders." (Oh geez, that was kinda stereotypical eh? Win = Me.)

But there is renewed hop...optimis...well there's something renewed on Long Island with the drafting of John Tavares. Him, Okposo, some other guy, and another guy will lead the youth movement, and maybe they'll come flying out of the Eastern Conference basement, all the way to 13th!

Good luck with that.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Who Says the NHL has a Thing for Crosby?

Sheesh guys, only 7 of the 8 videos on right now are about him. God, you conspiracy theory people need to settle down!

The Devil Went Down To Georgia, and Brought Back Lemaire

Free agents:
RW Brian Gionta, 4,000,000 (u)
C John Madden, 3,958,356 (u)
D Niclas Havelid, 2,900,000 (u)
C Bobby Holik, 2,500,000 (u)
LW Brendan Shanahan, 800,000 (u)
G Kevin Weekes, 700,000 (u)
C Michael Rupp, 500,000 (u)I
C Travis Zajac, 984,200 (a)
D Andy Greene, 600,000 (r)

D Andy Greene, 2 years, $1.475M (re-signed)
D Cory Murphy, 2 years (Lightning)
C Travis Zajac, 4 years, $15.5M (re-signed)
G Yann Danis (Islanders)
LW Brendan Shanahan, 1 year (re-signed)

C Michael Rupp (Penguins)
G Scott Clemmensen (Panthers)
RW Brian Gionta (Canadiens)
C John Madden (Blackhawks)

I'm not sure there was a more fired up fan base (get it! Devils! Hell! Fire! What a terrible pun) than some of the Devils fans I know. They watched the Atlantic get bigger, better, faster, and stronger, while Lou Lamoriello stood pat, patiently waiting for the standard UFA frenzy to die down. Only after watching key contributors from last season's Atlantic Division champion team.

For a team that watched Philly on board more toughness, the Devils let one of their pugilists, Mike Rupp walk on over to the Penguins. For a team that watched the Rangers grab one of the most dynamic skill players in the league, the Devils let their top shutdown center, John Madden, join the mess over in Chicago. For a team that watched the Isles, hahahahahahaha, never mind. Either way, last season's hero, and don't dare but call him anything but, Scott Clemmensen takes over Craig Anderson's role in Florida. Then there's declining but still productive forward Brian Gionta migrating to join the rag tag fun friends in Montreal.

At least they kept Zajac right? It's not to say the Devils are magically falling from the top 8, far from it. But I'm sorry, as awesome as Pierre Luc Letourneau Leblond's name is, he pretty much sucks at the game of hockey, and won't replace any of the contributors they lost. Not even Rupp.

But, as always, any team that has a goaltender like Brodeur in the crease, has a chance every night. And I'm not sure there's any team that gets more from less than these Devils so I'm sure we'll see them come next May. Lucky us.

Monday, August 17, 2009

So Check This Prime Example of Fail

So I'm checking on the feeds via Twitter, it's the cool thing to do you know, and I happened upon a link from Kukla's Korner, for some mid-offseason power rankings. I think, hey, if KK linked it, it must be good. Right? Right? WRONG. This is the most asinine power rankings I've ever seen, and I've read Ross McKeon's. Yeah, they're that bad.

This character, Zachary Weinstock (related: no one with the last name Weinstock should be writing about hockey, period), puts together this list, with attempts at one liners and witty zingers, failing more than the latest Pensblog photoshop montage.

I hate linking this garbage, but if the only thing you read are the comments mocking this guy, then it's served it's purpose.

Just so you know what you're getting into...He has St. Louis #5, Tampa #7, the Kings #12, Carolina #21, and Buffalo #30.

Updated:: Holy shit, he's a coward to boot. Last night there were some hilarious comments akin to "This guy's rankings are as accurate as Eklund's rumors", "You suck", "Go drive off a bridge" and "Finance a Hollywood production Weinstock." None of which were written by me. Oh well. You can make fun of him in my comments, because I'll never censor the Inglorious Pangers. (That one sucks too, we'll get it figured out)

Friday, August 14, 2009

These are the Same Nashville Predators

Free agents:
LW Steve Sullivan, 3,200,000 (u)
D Greg de Vries, 2,750,000 (u)
C Radek Bonk, 1,600,000 (u)
C Vernon Fiddler, 900,000 (u)
C Scott Nichol, 750,000 (u)
D Greg Zanon, 750,000 (u)
D Ville Koistinen, 700,000 (u)
RW Joel Ward, 500,000 (u)
LW Antti Pihlstrom, 530,000 (r)

LW Steve Sullivan, 2 years, $7.5M (re-signed)
RW Joel Ward, 2 years, $3M (re-signed)
RW Ben Guite, 1 year, $475,000 (Avalanche)

C Vernon Fiddler (Coyotes)
D Ville Koistinen (Panthers)
C Scott Nichol (Sharks)

The biggest move for the Predators offseason was most definitely keeping Steve Sullivan in the fold. After finishing 10th in the West last season, with teams only getting better around them, it's interesting to see the Preds stand pat from a roster standpoint.

Not to say they're a bad team, but do they really expect Colin Wilson and Antii Pilhstrom to step up? It's a solid core, to be certain, but comparatively to the rest of the West, they just don't stand a chance.

Not much else to say on the Preds, perhaps Shea Weber and Ryan Suter will continue to develop into monsters. Maybe JP Dumont, Arnott, and Sullivan won't get any older, but all in all, good luck in the Central Nashville.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

This Isn't Last Year's Montreal Habitants

Free agents:
D Mathieu Schneider, 5,750,000 (u)
LW Alex Tanguay, 5,375,000 (u)
C Saku Koivu, 4,750,000 (u)
C Robert Lang, 4,000,000 (u)
D Mike Komisarek, 1,900,000 (u)
D Francois Bouillon, 1,875,000 (u)
D Mathieu Dandenault, 1,750,000 (u)
RW Tom Kostopoulos, 900,000 (u)
D Patrice Brisebois, 750,000 (u)
G Marc Denis, 600,000 (u)
LW Tomas Plekanec, 1,800,000 (a)
LW Guillaume Latendresse, 850,000 (r)
RW Matt D’Agostini, 508,000 (r)
C Kyle Chipchura, 508,000 (r)
LW Gregory Stewart, 490,000 (r)

D Jaroslav Spacek, 3 years, $11.5M (Sabres)
RW Brian Gionta, 5 years, $25M (Devils)
LW Michael Cammalleri, 5 years, $30M (Flames)
D Hal Gill, 2 years, $4.5M (Penguins)
D Paul Mara, 1 year, $1.95M (Rangers)
C Andreas Engqvist 3 years (Sweden)
LW Travis Moen, 3 years (Sharks)
LW Guillaume Latendresse, 1 year, $850,000 (re-signed)
G Curtis Sanford, 1 year (Canucks)
LW Tomas Plekanec, 1 year (re-signed)

In Trade
C Scott Gomez,
C Tom Pyatt
D Mike Busto

D Mike Komisarek (Maple Leafs)
RW Alex Kovalev (Senators)
F Saku Koivu (Ducks)

Out Trade
C Chris Higgins,
D Ryan McDonagh,
D Pavel Valentenko,
D Doug Janik

There's more turnover on this roster than Clay Aiken's bedsheets. Ewww gay jokes. But my God, Gainey had all but said he was going to blow up this roster, so what did he do? He blew the damn thing up. For better or for worse, now that is the question.

The defense got an overhaul with the overpaying of Jaro Spacek and the questionable at best signings, at best, of Pylon #1 and Pylon #2. Hal Gill is still skating back to the bench after Game 7 as we speak. Speaking of overpaying, seeing "All-Star" Mike Komisarek raking in $4.5 million from Toronto will probably end up being Gainey's best move of the Offseason.

And well as for that offense, they replaced their over the hill, overpaid stars for another set of overpaid, over the hill stars, except, of course, for the decent signing of Mike Cammalleri. Taking on Scott Gomez's contract? Did Gainey have sex with Sather's wife? Is that why he did that? He felt bad? Cause, seriously, I have no clue.

As you could probably tell, I'm a little spiteful mood, and I really didn't like, at all, what the Habs did during their offseason. The team was a mess last season, and I don't expect things to be all that different this year. You throw a guy like Saku Koivu under the bus, after representing that franchise so well over the past 13 seasons, frankly, you don't deserve to be anything but a hot mess.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Well I'm Back

...And I missed probably the funniest damn thing that's happened during an offseason in a while. Patrick Kane getting arrested over 20 cents? Yeah, now it seems like everything is blown outta proportion, especially seeing as how that cabbie doesn't even have a valid drivers license, but man, I would've photoshopped the hell outta that situation.

Oh well.

The only thing hockey related I really kept up with was the Cycle Like Sedins draft, where naturally, I was playing Armchair GM for the Sabres. Here are my picks so far.

  1. Henrik Zetterberg
  2. Patrick Kane
  3. Bobby Ryan
  4. Thomas Vanek
  5. Claude Giroux
  6. Chris Osgood
And yes, I am taking the Washington Capitals route on building a team, outscoring EVERYBODY. Now since I took best available goaltender there in the 6th round, well, my only other choice was Ray Emery (yikes), I'm looking at 2 possible choices here for my 7th and 8th rounders, which are only a mere 10 picks apart. Depending on who's available (which is startin' to be slim pickins) I'm either going to take a shutdown 3rd line Center or a top pair D-men.

What do y'all think? Should I go with one of those, or should I actually get a pivot for my 1a and 1b lines? I'm all kinds of conflicted. Anyways, thanks for welcoming me back Bangin' Sluts (since Panger Pals wasn't universally enjoyed).

Sunday, August 2, 2009

BanginPanger Goes On Vacation

Well, at least I am. We'll see if Denson pops his head in here and posts some fillers. I was going to schedule some UFA recaps and random videos, but I deemed that too much work.

Things will get back goin' sometime next week when I come back. Take care Panger Pals. Cause that's what you're called. I guess.
Fact: BanginPanger is not meant as an insult to the one and only Darren Pang, nor do I claim to be him. The views and opinions presented on BanginPanger are of my own, and no other namesake of the site, the NHL, Buffalo Sabres, Washington Capitals, or anyone else.