Friday, February 27, 2009

The Coyotes Marketing Department Equals Fail

So remember when we first made fun of the guys that Phoenix hired to do their 3rd jerseys? Oh you weren't here then either? Sheesh you people don't know what you've been missin.

Anyways, the Coyotes Organization is just full of fail, from the lease with Glendale, Gretzky's contract, Kyle Turris, 3rd jerseys, the list goes on and on (but doesn't include Darren Pang).

Well here we have some sort of commercial. I have no idea what for, it has no point whatsoever, but it does include some sort of evil toothless snowman, and Ilya Bryzgalov.



I dunno what the deal is with this snowman, but he bothers me more than clowns.



Panger, you're better than that.

Kaleta ends Brind'Amours Life



Kaleta just absolutely destroys the life of Rod "A face only a mother could love" Brind'Amour. Totally worth it.

The 'Canes should be glad the penalty was called, anymore time on the ice and Rod "-29" Brind'Amour could've been out there for another. I crack myself up.

Darcy Regier Talks Trades

Are the Sabres buyers or sellers? Regier talks about it.



Vanek also talks his comeback from the jaw surgery. You can tell his mouth is still a little swollen and doesn't like to open his mouth very far. He also really hates soup. Just sayin.

Me Chara Me Hit That

Yeah, even ganglemonster's like Zdeno Chara can find true love and happiness...or gold digging whores. But we'll give Mrs. Tatiana Chara the benefit of the doubt.

Now these two were married in July '07 and live happily ever after in Beantown.

Savvy got a little too excited. But you know, it's funny cause he's tall.

You know what, she must be huge too. She's gotta be pokin' around the 6 foot tall mark there. Friggin' Amazons.

The Whitney Trade: Anaheim's Perspective

Like I promised I reached out to some West Coast guys to get a better look at what Kunitz will bring to the Pens. Well, Earl Sleek, of Battle of California notoriety, answered the call, and gave us a look at the history and stylings of one Chris Kunitz, and his thoughts on the trade as well.
A Ducks fan’s perspective on Chris Kunitz – by Earl Sleek, Battle of California

First off, a brief history of Kunitz’s seasons – in 05-06, Kunitz started up-and-down, and in fact was claimed off waivers by Atlanta before Brian Burke re-claimed him a week or so later. But as the season progressed and the Ducks became a western conference finalist, Kunitz helped form a speedy top line with Teemu Selanne and Andy McDonald. What was amazing about that line wasn’t so much its talent, but rather its unbelievable affordability. Teemu had signed a one-year $1M deal with incentives, Andy Mac and Kunitz (by virtue of neither ever being drafted) combined for another $1.1M, and yet the trio combined for 93 goals and 216 points. Yeah, the bulk of that wasn’t Kunitz’s production, but he was a serviceable member of that line.

The cup season, he continued on that line for $1.4M (going off memory here, but everyone got salary bumps after Burke ripped ‘em off in year one), and of course we know how successful that year turned out to be. I think the telling thing about Kunitz wasn’t so much in his counting numbers, but I wrote a post when Kunitz signed his extension about how he was Anaheim’s scoring enabler – Teemu and Andy Mac, Getzlaf and Perry, Niedermayer and Beauchemin, Pronger and O’Donnell – all of these players had better numbers when Kunitz was on the ice. Kunitz did get hurt in the latter rounds of the postseason (amazingly though, 8 of Anaheim’s top 10 forwards played every game that year), but returned by the end of the Ottawa series.

The last two seasons since the cup, Kunitz has shuffled around a bit. He’s played a majority with Getzlaf and Perry, but also gets used to spread scoring to the second line. The team has been less stellar, of course, but not a lot of that falls on Kunitz’s shoulders. He’s put his effort and points in, and generally has provided exactly what he’s provided before – speed, a willingness to shoot and hit, and an offensively complementary game. He might not be blessed with the best set of hands (I’m not convinced Kunitz picks corners when he shoots), and he’s not a guy who will necessarily carry a line, but put him with scorers and he will give them some space.

So here's what we know so far. Chris Kunitz is not unfamiliar playing with all-world talent. Ironically, Ryan Whitney was the one who said people on Crosby's line can't keep up, well, his ass just got traded for perhaps one who can. But what does Earl think Kunitz will bring to the table?
The question becomes whether those ride-along talents are worth his current $3.725M cap hit, but if used properly, it’s a fine deal. With Crosby, it’s a bit tough to say – to tell the frank truth, I’m a western conference anomaly who hardly ever watches Pittsburgh play – but it’s tough for me to imagine Kunitz stinking. He’s steady – his ceiling might not be as high as some players but his floor isn’t very low either. He’s not out of place on a top power play unit, but doesn’t exactly demand the time either. For a center-strong team like Pittsburgh, though, it should work out – he’s adaptable enough to ride shotgun on any of their centers’ wing.
And Earl's thoughts on the Ducks side of the deal?
The Penguins did well for themselves, I think (I’ve hear good things about Tangradi today, also), but I’m still pretty positive about this trade from the Ducks’ angle. This really represents GM Bob Murray’s first significant transaction with the Ducks – for the most part, all he’s done is play out the hand that Brian Burke left him with – and while proper commenting will happen in about a week when the dust settles, I think it’s a good gamble. Eli Whitney may have his flaws, but unlike Kunitz, I don’t think Whitney’s hit his ceiling; there is a real possibility for improvement. Kunitz’s energy will definitely be missed, but $3.7M is still a bit of salary to spend for someone to ride along on Getzlaf and Perry’s coattails. And the salary on Cotton Gin isn’t that bad – I’d expect he’d get more if he were negotiating a new long-term deal today.

So at first blush Bob Murray, I’ll give a thumbs up – I’ll have to watch a few games that don’t end in a 6-0 loss before I really know what we’ve got in Whitney, though. And as to whether this triggers a subsequent Niedermayer or Pronger deal, I can only say this – the only person who knows what the Ducks need to do this deadline is the person who knows what Scott Niedermayer has planned for next year. Unless Scotty is willing to sign a Teemu-style bargain contract (hey, remember that 34-game vacation you got last year?), this much is now predictable: the trio of Niedermayer, Pronger, and Whitney won’t be playing together in Anaheim next fall.
So there you have it, someone who's not an asshole giving his thoughts on the trade. Thanks Earl.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

This is Too Funny to Let Go

So remember way back in the day when the only people who ever came upon this site were looking for Vice Presidential Candidate porn? Nailin' Palin? Bangin Palin? Ring a bell? Oh you weren't here then either? Let me remind you.

Since that time though, at least 2 dozen or so randy middle aged conservatives have happened upon BanginPanger via that same search. It's played out. But oh, we have a new winner. Usually I don't like callin' people out on their search terms, Patriot Act so on and so forth. But this is gold. Cash4Gold.com Gold.



SIDNEY CROSBY BONER STORIES AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!! That is effing priceless. Is there like an urban legend going around Pittsburgh about Crosby getting a chubby during a team shower? Squirting his load into his belly button while pulling off an "elastic tuck" while at a club? What's the story Pittsburgh? Cause now I gotta know.

BREAKING NEWS: RYAN WHITNEY TRADED

Via TSN. The story is here. Pittsburgh Penguin's defensemen Ryan Whitney has been traded to the Anaheim Ducks for Left Winger Chris Kunitz and prospect Eric Tangradi.

Thoughts Later.


VANCES THOUGHTS

Well unlike Denson, and most of the blogging world that I've seen, I happen to think this deal is a win - win for both sides, even with the seemingly gross overpayment by the Penguins. Why? Well it's pretty logical.

First, they got Crosby's winger. It's pretty obvious that this was Shero's #1 priority. Chris Kunitz isn't a top line winger, with 60 and 50 point seasons under his belt, but what he does add is grit and a body in front of the net on the PP. So with one move they found Crosby a winger and help for the PP.

Alot of people are saying they could've received more for Whitney, well, probably. It is an overpayment, however the move addressed some of the most glaring needs, so Pens fans can't be too disappointed.

The salary implications of this move are less clear, Kunitz's cap hit is 3.75 million through 2011-2012, while Whitney's is 4 million for a year longer. It's a wash for both teams, however the Pens do move all that salary from the blue line to the forwards. It's essentially a horizontal move, still too much money tied up in too few guys.

What Whitney provides to the Ducks is a replacement for Neidermeyer. Those trade rumors about Pronger and Neids? Expect one to move, even if Bob McKenzie doesn't think so right now. Both are nearing the end of their illustrious careers and Whitney with some tutelage, will be able to replace their offensive capabilities.

As for Tangradi, he's the 2nd ranked prospect in Anaheim's pool, according to Hockey's Future. A big LW out of...Philadelphia?!? OMG PENS FANS. Could help restock a pretty bare cupboard in Wilkes-Barre.

We do know however that Brian Burke is pissed at Shero, this move totally devalues Kaberle, I wouldn't expect him to be moved at all now.

We'll hear Denson's overreaction sooner than later and we've also got some feelers out to some West Coast bloggers to get their opinions on everything.

What do you all think? Hit the comments.

DENSON'S THOUGHTS:

I don't have much time for this shit. F'n work is pissing me off today and trying to prevent me from going to Chicago tomorrow for the Pens game. Well F them.

First of all, this is NOT Crosby's winger. It's a piece of the puzzle, and I honestly believe there is another trade in the making that will put something like...Kunitz - Crosby - "Crosby's Winger" together. It may not happen before the deadline this year, but this is a building block, and this summer will allow Shero the opportunity to go get Crosby "his winger".

Why keep Whitney when we have prefect capable puck-moving D-man like Go-Go behind him? What sucks is Whit was just coming back from injury, and wasn't really looking like his old self. I wish him all the best of luck, but not THAT great cause well...I don't want this trade to bite the Pens in the ass.

I'm still "eh" on the trade. I don't love it, don't hate it. It is a good trade for both teams I will agree. Can't really judge the value of the trade until we see some results. I'm really excited to see what Tangradi can bring to this team as well. Pens fans all love Caputi in the AHL and Tangradi is being regarded as a better prospect than Caputi. I like him already.

Also. Eklund is a d-bag.

Jhonas Enroth: Well, He's All We Got

The Hockey Gods can eat my ass with a giant wooden spoon. Seriously. The Sabres already have major injuries to, arguably, our best 2 players. And now Patrick Lalime comes down with "the flu" and barely makes the trip to Raleigh for tonight's HUGE game with the Canes.

It hasn't been decided whether or not he can go, but if he can't, the Sabres will turn to the only healthy goalie left in the entire system: Jhonas Enroth. Yes, you read that correctly, only healthy goalie in the entire organization.


Yesterday, Enroth and 54 year old goalie coach Jim Corsi were in nets for practice. Miller and Lalime stayed home. It's a pretty ugly situation, and Lindy Ruff had this to say about it...
“It falls under, ‘When it rains, it starts snowing harder even,’ ” Ruff cracked when asked if he’s starting to feel snakebit with the team’s never-ending injury saga.
Ok, well that didn't make sense, but you get the point. How bad are things? Just look down at Portland. With Enroth up and Adam Dennis out for the year...it's ugly.
With Enroth up and Adam Dennis out for the season (hip), things are dire in goal in Portland as well.

John DeCaro, just signed to back up Enroth, is out with a broken collarbone. The Pirates signed Kellen Briggs from the Ontario Reign of the East Coast League on Tuesday and are also using former ECHL backup Rob Lemelin.

One of them could be signed for a night to back up Enroth before Lalime returns for Saturday’s game against the New York Islanders.
But no one cares about Portland, let's learn about Jhonas Enroth. Hockey's Future has Enroth as the Sabre's top overall prospect, and ranked 38th in the NHL. He was drafted in the 2nd round, 46th overall, in 2006 (he was the top overall ranked European goalie, if that means anything to you) after posting a 2.33 GAA and .924 save % for his Junior squad in Stockholm.

This year, his first in North America, he has posted a 18-17-5 record, with a 2.71 GAA and .915 save % for the 3rd place Pirates. Unfortunately, Enroth is 0-6-3 in his last nine. This is what Lindy had to say about him...

“You talk to their coaches and they’ve given him a lot of credit for the way he’s played,” Ruff said. “He’s a pretty confident kid that stepped in the American League, and if you look at the job he did you wouldn’t expect him to step in and play as well as he did the first 20-30 games.”

One thing we do know, is that he's excited to be here, and is highly regarded.
“It’s exciting. If I play tomorrow, I’ll try to play my best...It’s very exciting to get up here...practice and play. . . . It’s going to be even more exciting, a dream come true if I play.”
What kind of goalie is he? Well, I figure Hockey's Future knows best.
Enroth uses a classic butterfly style to cover the net. He boasts uncommon quickness and agility, along with an excellent glove side. Asked about what NHL players he patterns himself after, he referenced a similarly-statured netminder as his prototype.

“When I was younger I looked up to Martin Gerber and Henrik Lundqvist. I try to play like Gerber because he’s my size.”
Oh, shit. Gerber? You want to play like Gerber? We're screwed.

UPDATE:: Lalime made it and will be in net for tonight. All the while Vanek stayed after practice and took some more shots, he's no longer wearing the cage, but the visor/cage hybrid. They expect him back next week, woohoo!

Rumors are Just Rumors: Eklund Edition



In case anyone ever tells you, you don't know shit.

I don't have time to debunk a ton of rumors. But I'll post some. Rumor Mongering FTW.

1. Tuomo Ruutu for Erik Cole.
2. Erik Cole to Pittsburgh.
3. Erik Ersberg to Sabres.
4. Frolov to Sabres, Colorado, Pittsburgh.
5. Recchi to Pittsburgh.
6. Pronger to Boston.
7. Neidermeyer to New Jersey.
8. Scotty Gomez to Dallas, Phoenix, Edmonton, Anaheim.
9. Olli Jokinen to the Habs.
10. Bouwmeester to Flyers.

Take what you want from that, none of them will happen. But hey, only 6 days til the deadline.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Tortorella vs. The World



We all know what Torts is all about. I'm assuming he was talking to Larry Brooks, he of the NY Times. Yeah we also know how rough the NY media can be. Take for example...



The question is...what goes first? Torts blows his lid at Brooksie again or the EPIC FAIL headline? Or maybe Scotty Gomez will voice his frustration at the wrong guy. Either way, that era starts now.

Fan(s) of the Week

Well, I may or may not be stealing Vance's thunder here. But our network is basically down at work, and so I have nothing to do. So, without further ado, my selection for fan(s) of the week.



If you can't make fun of your favorite team and douchey fans, then well...maybe you're the douchey fan. But seriously, Penguin fans can be pretty damn annoying.

1. I bet that guy has never slept with anyone prior to his wedding day...and still probably would rather have sex with Crosby than his wife.

2. That girl with the slut-dress knows nothing about hockey. She thinks Crosby is hot and would gladly give her V-card to him. Too bad she lost it at 12.



This must have been taken after Ovechkin owned us on Sunday. Sigh. Sweet dog though...wait, is the dog resting on that dudes junk?

Other Fan of the Weeks....
  1. Boston
  2. Thrashers
  3. Anaheim MIGHTY Ducks
  4. Douchenozzle from Cincinnati

Crosby & Whitney Out vs. Isles

Some more news around the league. Crosby will be sitting out tonight's game due to his sore groin he aggravated durings Sunday's game against the Caps. Pens site has the details.

Normally this would be a bigger deal if it wasn't the Isles. Then again, it's the Isles, we lose to shitty teams, and we need all the help we can get. Pens are 3-0-1 against them this season.

Also, Whitney is out tonight as well due to personal reasons. He's with his family and should be back for Friday's show down in Chicago...which I will be at. Woo.

Letang is back as well.

Fatty Activated From IR; Clemmenson Sent Down

Well a little...*gasp*...NJ Devils news here. Fatty Brodeur has been activated from IR and big time season saver Scotty Clemmensen has been reassigned to Lowell.

At first glance this may look like a WTF move since Clemmensen has basically saved their season as everyone outside of the Dirty J thought their season ended when fatty went down...although the Devils offense is pretty damn good this year too...but after a little reading and evaluating...basically the Devils had no choice but to send him down.

Had the Devils chosen to keep Clemmensen up after activating Brodeur from IR, Scotty would have had to clear waivers to be sent down and well...I doubt he would have cleared...and apparently the Devils felt the same way.

After the March 4th Deadline, however, Clemmensen can be recalled and would not have to clear re-entry waivers to be called up, nor waivers if he'd be sent back down. Confusing I know, but basically the Devils made all the right moves in order to keep Scotty in the Red and Black. Maybe in the off-season Weekes get traded and Clemmensen gets pulled up, but for now, barring any unforeseen circumstances, Scott's time in the NHL is done and it's back to the minors. As much as I dislike the Devils, you have to admire the job Clemmensen did while up. Yes he's most likely benefited from "the system" but still, a 25-13-1 record with a 2.39 GAA is pretty commendable.

Fire and Ice has a whole entry on the situation if you care to read more. Honestly though, has there been a more "consistent" team in the East this year. I would say Boston but they have been struggling as of late. If Brodeur can work his normal fatty magic in the playoffs, watch out for the Devils.

Bucci's Opinion

John Buccigross, he of funny baby names, an affinity for Hakan Loob, and indie music, has thrown his hat into the Malkin, Ovechkin, Crosby debate. It's a good read, and, frankly, all I got.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

An All New Low for NHL Women's Fashion

Everyone makes fun of Women's NHL fashion statements: pink jerseys, white jerseys, pink form-fitting jerseys with glitter, I could go on and on. But this is just a travesty.
I first saw this in the NHL Catalog I got in the mail today, it says "Gimme that Sabres kinda Feelin'". Um, WTF does that even mean?

I mean, once I got past thinking about us and dirty, dirty se...I mean, once I started staring at your breas..I mean once I started reading the text on the shirt, I got confused. Next, WTF is even on this one?
Birds? Bees? Butterflies? Lacrosse? Squid Tentacles? A Capitals logo? What the hell, Christ it's even a short sleeve hoodie. That's just retarded.

I wouldn't even bring this up, but these girls were hot, not quite Lisa Hartnell hot, but hot enough to warrant my attention.

How can Crosby not like him?

I just don't get it.

Everyone's playing up the Crosby-Ovechkin feud, in time for the rematch on Sunday. But come on, Ovechkin plays chicken with a giant descending door, that's bad ass.



Sidney, your move.

Season Defining Stretch: Part 3

This will be the 3rd time I've gone on record stating "season defining stretch" about the Sabres. The first time after their epic struggles in the early season, and again a few games before the 11,000 mile west coast trip. But now I think this claim is actually true.

There's no Ryan Miller to rely on, there's Patrick Lalime. There's no Thomas Vanek to put the puck in the net. There's Drew Stafford, Jason Pominville, and Derek Roy.

There is no timetable for Miller's return. He could be back in 2 weeks (Carey Price missed just 8 games with his ankle sprain) or months (last year Marc Andre Fleury missed 36 games with a sprain), hell he may not even make it back (Pascal Leclaire elected for surgery).

That is not to say teams can't survive, even excel, with a backup goaltender (see: Devils, New Jersey). Remember when Marty Biron came in and won 14 or so games in a row when Miller went down a few years back? Remember how Ty Conklin emerged for the Penguins without Crosby and Fleury? The precedent is there, but it's more than just the replacement that makes a difference; it's how this team reacts to the seemingly terrible hockey karma that has befallen them

Resiliency? Determination? Grit? Or complaceny? Boredom? Empathy? What team shows tonight will go a very long way towards predicting the Sabres playoff chances. No doubt of that in my mind.

The last time the Sabres played the Ducks, a 3-2 loss, was a spirited affair, to say the least. 64 PIMs, 3 fights, 2 misconducts. I don't do predictions, but this I will say, the Sabres will come to play tonight. They've worked too hard not to.

Nothing Going On

Yah another day where Vance and I have absolutely no time to post anything hockey related. Nothing really is going on anyways. But some quick things:

Crosby apparently doesn't like Ovechkin. Who'd have thunk it? Also Letang will be back in the lineup for the Pens Wednesday night; Crosby has a sore groin and left practice today. Listed as probable.

Lots of games tonight that matter for us fans of playoff bubblers.

Florida at Boston
Philly at Wash
Anaheim at Buffalo
Vancouver at Druggies (Habs)
Carolina at Ottawa

If the last Florida/Boston game was any indication of tonight's game, it should be a goodie. Vokoun = Redic lately. Philly vs Washington also may be a decent game, depends on if Biron shows up or not.

Best case scenario for me and Vance? Florida, Philly, Habs and Carolina lose. I'd like to throw Buffalo in there too just cause the Pens need all the help they can get.

Sabres take on Anaheim tonight without the services of Ryan Miller for the first time in like 14,000 games, we'll see how they respond. I still think they win...unfortunately.

In other news, Rob Rossi of the Pittsburgh Tribune tickles with the idea of trading Crosby. Decent read, but the funniest part was this poll...



Mike Green? You're kidding me right? You couldn't find a better 5th player to put on that list? Also, I voted for Ovechkin. So don't even start shit...you haters.

Last thing. I'd be curious to know what the vote totals would look like for our poll question at the top of the page if we would change the teams. Habs, Rags, Pens, Sabres, Panthers, and Canes all close to being in or out. Wonder if/how our opinions would be swayed due to the recent play of teams.

Vance should be done with work soon, so he'll have more time for more thoughtful posts.

Monday, February 23, 2009

You Saw It Here First

1. Barry Melrose - GONE.
2. Craig Hartsburgh - GONE.
3. Michel Therrien - GONE.
4. Tom Renney - GONE.

So tough shit Mike Babcock, Andy Murray, Joel Quenneville, and Pete DeBoer. Game's over. Fun while it lasted huh?

Oh wait, that's as ridiculous as it sounds? Almost as ridiculous as Eklund "fact checking" Puck Daddy and asking Brian Burke if he is twittering. This has been rehashed all over the place today. Because it's so damn funny.

Timeline. Puck Daddy features obviously fake Brian Burke twitter story. Eklund calls him out for journalistic unintegrity (The link has since been taken off of Hockeybuzz, but I retained the URL, cause I emailed Greg to make sure he saw). Puck Daddy responds. We all laugh. We. All. Laugh. Line's drawn in the sand. Where do you stand? I side with P. Diddy.

Too much. Toooooo much.

Critiquing the Critics: Post-Gazette

This image comes from Part 1 of "Analysis The Penguins' long, hard, Winter" by Dave Molinari, first printed on Sunday. Notice something wrong?

Well obviously in Part 2 they would fix the error right? This was printed today, Monday. Ugh.

Dave Molinari of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette apparently forgets Florida is still in the league. How can 1 guy, or the dicknose intern, mess up standings? 2 days in a row? Wow. I don't even have to critique this, it's obvious.

So the New Banner

Funny story actually.

I got an email today. From Darren Pang. It's legit, it has to be. Not many people would know how to rock someone else's email address via FTP within the Phoenix Coyotes network. See? You're already confused.

He asked us to take down his likeness. We obliged, because we like the guy, and out of respect for him. I'll work on a new banner sometime.

Still, how sweet is that? What started as a joke between friends has now reached, as Bones put it, "critical mass." Today, I got an email from Darren Pang. That is awesome.

Tom Renney Fired/ Quick Thoughts

I've got about 10 min break to write while here at work. They're like hawks around here sometimes...

Well after barely salvaging a point last night against the Maple Leafs (Maple Leafs have now been the cause for 2 firings this year, hilarious), the Rangers have fired head coach Tom Renney. Can't say that I'm surprised that he was fired...but I will say I don't think that it was the right move this late in the season. The Pens pulled a similar move when they fired Therrien, and ever since his firing the fans in Pittsburgh have been up in arms calling it a mistake.

Well, fans...and players of the Rangers calling for Renney's head have had their wish granted. Be careful what you wish for though. Just like the Pens now, the rest of the season lies solely on the player's shoulders.

Update: I just realized the sentence "lies solely on the player's shoulders." is a mix of "lies in their hands" and "rests on their shoulders" My writers are morons...


It does, however, seem to make for an awfully exciting finish to the season to battle for the 8th spot between the Rags, Pens, and Canes. Sabres may slip down a little too. I say these 4 teams will be battling for 7 and 8. Anyone else excited for the final weeks of the season? Can't wait.

Other quick thought. After watching the Caps dismantle my Pens Sunday afternoon, I can say I hate hate hate Ovechkin more and more every time I see him play. That hate, however, is our of pure respect for his grit, passion, and energy he plays with every single shift. I found myself on the edge of my seat, with one eye open, cautiously watching, waiting him to score. What can you say about the guy? He is the best player in the world right now, hands down. Malkin and Crosby lead the league in points yes, and I love it as a die hard Pens fan. But Alexander Ovechkin is the most dynamic and dangerous player on the ice...every...single...night.

Last thought regarding the Crosby/Ovechkin slapfest. Best metaphor I've heard regarding these two. "Ovechkin is like your angry big brother. When you piss him off, he puts you in a choke hold, gives you a nuggie, wrestles you to the ground, and rubs your face in it."

All Ovechkin did to Crosby was skate by and give him a nudge. Crosby went f'n slap silly on him, cussing him out and such. And you know it's bad when Pierre McGuire is saying that it's getting a little old. I mean, him and Milbury do love to bitch. If you're just a casual fan of the NHL and turned that game on Sunday, not knowing a thing about the Crosby/Ovechkin drama...you immediatley HATE Sidney Crosby, and love everything about Ovechkin.

No Photoshops for you. I don't have time. Blow me.

It's gonna be light around here

Unless Denson magically finds time, this here site will only be getting updated in the evening. I'm downtown with a firewall the size of China. This is coming curtesy of my phone and a lunch break.

Oh yeah, Tom Renney got fired today. But the bigger news is lacks of posts.

Sabres news: 20 year old Jhonas Enroth got the call up to back up Lalime. Vanek skated today with the full face shield, but was not cleared for contact.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Crazy Saturday

Sheesh. Saturday was one hell of a day. I basically watched NHL on the Fly for about 3 straight hours before I fell asleep. Here's a little recap of the biggest thing I think happened Saturday, and my thoughts:

1. Mats Sundin - Well, unless you live in a cave, you know Saturday was the first time baldy would be back in Toronto wearing a different jersey. If you don't know how the game ended yet, kill yourself. Here are the highlights. Just watch em.



What can you say about Toronto fans. Class acts...at least for one night. And what can you say about Toskala...anyone think he let up on making that save on Mats? Just saying.

2. Kovalev with a big F U- After all the shit that happened this past week, Kovalev and the Canadiens could have fallen flat on their faces. Instead, with the rest of the world watching, Montreal smoked Ottawa (although it is just Ottawa) behind a stellar performance from Kovy.

3. Ryan Miller injured - This could be the biggest story of the weekend, as the Sabres have now seen their leading scorer and franchise goaltender succumb to injury. If Florida isn't going to let up...maybe Pens and Canes fans focus now on the Rangers...and maybe even Buffalo. Peep the highlights.



Gomez could have avoided Miller no doubt. Dirty play? Suspension worthy?

4. Florida Panther/Vokoun - Jesus. Not only did they blank the Bruins...but check out the some of the saves Vokoun made. Safe to say, without Vokoun, Panthers lose this game in the 3rd easily.

5. Save of the Year...maybe. Marty Turco makes a ridiculous save. Check it.


6. Rangers Free Fall- Oh boy oh boy. Another loss last night and the Rangers are now in 8th place in the East. Imagine where this team would be without King Henry.

7. Marty Biron Sucks - Flyers fans. You need your goalie to not smoke pot prior to games. Maybe Marty is doing harder drugs...must be hanging out with those damn KO-TITS-SYN bros too much. You won't make it far in the playoffs without a better than average goaltender.

That's all I can come up with. If I missed something...let me know. Make a comment.

Also, side note. Wonder over to Hockeydump today. Spec7ral is trying to find damning evidence of those douches in Montreal, and while searching, has posted some pretty funny pics. I mean come on...this is hilarious. Stupid Brothers.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Bad News (Sa)bEARs

Well since Vance is currently losing his money in a poker game with Dad and other old men, I figured I'd write a lil post about his Sabres.

Unfortunately, it was a bitter sweet night for the Sabres as they beat the fading Rangers 4-2 but saw their number 1 goaltender limp gingerly off the ice after being upended by that Mexican, Spanish, Venezuelan Scotty Gomez piece of shit. Now I have yet to see the play...hopefully it wasn't dirty or anything, but still, this could be the worst news for Sabres fans while trying to hold onto a playoff spot.

With Vanek already out with the broken jaw, and now Miller possibly out...what kind of moves can we expect the Sabres to make in the coming weeks before the deadline? Lalime is a very capable backup, but if Miller is down for an extended period, Buffalo may all of a sudden have to switch gears and look for a goalie that could help them in the playoffs.

That my input on the situation. I'll let Vance reflect later after he finishes losing money to his Dad.

Update 11:41 - Ryan Miller is out indefinitley with a high ankle sprain. I'm down 12 bucks, and I will kill Gomez. We go with Lalime, Penguins this is your open door. Best player and franchise goalie out? That's a bitch. - Vance

Update 2:11 - I lost 15. Though it took a last ditch 30 dollar pot to bring that back. I'm pretty drunk. It was a last ditch effort.

Biron Giftwraps a Win for the Pens

Good Lord, when is Nitty playing again?

I'll post the video when it comes online.



Go to the 3:50 mark of the video for the asinine play of Biron. Thank God for Richards and Carter.

Friday, February 20, 2009

It's the Weekend So You Know What That Means

We don't post on weekends, unless we're really bored, really hungover, or really lazy. Call us bad "bloggers" see if I care.



In case you were wondering the back story, he was talking about BanginPanger, yeah, Toews is on our team. Thanks Jon, I agree, we did do a great job.

Damn you Ottawa for this, makin me post when I get home. Ottawa has traded Dean McAmmond and a 1st rounder to the Islanders for Mike Comrie.

I for one don't get it. Trading away a high 1st round pick for a veteran? What? OK apparently it's San Jose's first rounder, but still, it's a first rounder none the less.

The Kostitsyn's Are Innocent Until Proven Guilty

Yeah, tell me they look guilty. Sheesh people!

Too soon?

He'd Hit That: I'd Hit That

Now I was going to pile on the Habs today. But I decided to wait, I'll pile on later this afternoon (plus I couldn't find any wives worth it other than Carbonneau's and his daughter, saving that one for a mother-daughter special tribute).

But in my bitterness over the Sabres loss to the Flyers last night, I thought I'd go after one of the biggest pieces of shit on the earth: Scott Hartnell. Yeah, Flyers fans we know, you love him, you're just jealous, he's being victimized, blah blah blah. NO. He's a ginger donk that landed a smokin' wife and it really upsets me. Really, really, realllllllllllyyyyyy upsets me.

By the way, this grungry lookin' dude can land a girl next door type and the Kostitsyn's are getting hookers? What is wrong with Montreal? Hehe.

Now allow me to introduce you to Lisa Hartnell. She drug Scott off his ass to go to the unveiling of the 76ers/Flyers room at a Hospice in Philadelphia, what a gal. What. A. Gal. Way to shave for the event Scott, it's for the kids God dammit. Cut your hair, tool.

Lisa, leave him. For me. K THX.

What Just Happened?

I'm going to elaborate like woah tomorrow. But I had to get this joke off my back or else I'd lose it to the night.

Forget Heath Ledger, give Jacques Demers the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor in a Drama. Jesus friggin Christ. Holding back tears...longing for Jean Bealiveau...are you kidding me?

Wooooooooooooooooo, to anyone that stayed up with tonight's hilarious fun, I bid you adieu.

Update: 9:30 AM Eastern

Well now that all of Quebec, and not just the die hard message board fans, are all in a media blitz frenzy over this "scandal", I do believe it's safe to recap what we know so far, as well as lay out alllllllllllll the fantastic rumors we had heard last night.

FACT: S. and A. Kostitsyn were acquaintances with a Mr. Pasquale Mangiola, who was arrested for drug trafficking and illegal weapons charges. They were seen out together in Montreal numerous times, with Mangiola providing the boys with luxury cars, girls, and vodka.

FUNNY: If you can't figure out that a guy named Pasquale Mangiola, who just happens to be providing you with hookers, lambo's, and legit Russian vodka isn't a mafioso, then you deserve to be deported. There, I said it.

FACT: Roman Hamrlik also knew this guy. Mangiola had access to both brothers credit cards which "made transactions easy." None of the 3 Habs' involved will be charged with any criminal wrongdoing at this juncture.

FUNNY: Giving your credit cards to mobsters. Hey guys, here's some advice.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Something's In the Water in Montreal...

If you've been following the internet here lately, something is going down in Montreal tomorrow.

I'm not talking trade...I'm talking much worse.

RDS dropped a bombshell tonight, saying there's going to be some allegations involving multiple Canadiens and their off-ice activities. The crew seemed very worried, and embarassed, about this situation. It looks criminal.

As much as we kid, nothing is worse than embarrassing yourself, the proud Montreal organization, the greats that came before you, but most of all, the game of hockey.

We'll stay on top of this...aka scour links so that you don't have to.

Update:: Lots of wild accusations floating around, I'm not going to rumor monger because that's not fair to the Canadiens organization. However word is Sportsnet.ca will be posting it shortly after midnight.

Update 12:04 - CKAC radio states and confirms that there are indeed police waiting at the airport for the Habs plane to arrive. I'm still here. News will apparently break shortly after they're player(s) arrested questioned. I almost feel like a journalist.

Update 12:08 - CKAC (although it's french, I'm getting it translated) says the Habs plane arrives at 12:13. They will know all the allegations, with certainty, by 2 am.

Update 12:20 - The RDS show correspondence....

Jacques Demers: "Honestly, there are things I know, and what looks like what's going to come out [in the papers] tomorrow, I swear to you, I thought about Mr. Beliveau tonight ... and I just hope I'm dreaming. I'm a proud Canadien, the Canadiens are my life, and I hope I'm dreaming but I don't think I am."

Michel Bergeron: "I feel the same way. It's unbelievable. Tomorrow, hockey will be second. I don't like at all what I've heard today."

Bob Hartley: "If everything we've been told is true, I've never seen that in my life. If it's true, I'm going back to Atlanta [joking]"

Michel Bergeron: "The Canadiens are my roots, and my idols, like you guys...and it looks like the foundation is going to be shaken. Not just for the Quebecois but for anyone who wears the Canadiens sweater around the country. To me, what's happened, it's unacceptable".

Alain Crete: "We can't go into many details but something has happened that will implicate not just one Canadiens player but many. You'll be hearing more tomorrow."
Ok, this is getting bad. I'm still here. Plane's arriving later than anticipated, more likely around 1 - 1:15. Looks like I'll be staying up with everyone.

Update 12:28 - Starting to leak in that Roman Hamrlik and the Kostitsyn brothers are all involved in associated with a guy arrested for major drug trafficking (cocaine). Something about being involved with a crime syndicate called Operation AXE. Says they've been seen with people affiliated with this drug ring. Nothing official yet. On CKAC again.

7 different player's agents Don Meehan is currently waiting at the airport as well...take it for what it's worth.

Update 12:42 - News is very infrequent. Makes you wonder if Demers, Bergeron, and Co. weren't getting caught up in the hype. Obviously something is a foot, but is this being blown out of proportion simply because of the Canadiens recent struggles and bad press?

Is drug trafficking really the worst thing you've ever seen in your life Mr. Hartley, you haven't seen where Mike Vick lived in Atlanta. Still here, just tryin' to lighten the mood with a Mike Vick joke, always does the trick.

Update 12:51 - The first details to print are emerging. Apparently the police have recorded phone conversations between the Kostitsyn brother's and a drug trafficker who was an intermediary between various crime syndicates.

Now that we have some facts. A) Habs fans; it could be worse. B) It can only get worse. I'm sure we'll know more details soon. By the way, I really wish I lived on the West Coast.

Update 1:00 - The RDS link above was updated once again. Hamrlik is always associated with this gang, mafia, crime syndicate, whatever you want to call it. Apparently this guy was a good friend of the K-Bros and offered "services" to the brothers, such as cars, girls, and nights on the town. Interesting.

A-Kots was interviewed by police, said he knew him, but nothing of him. I'm sure more will come out.

Remember, nobody has been charged with anything. However we do not know all the details. Let us not all draw unwarranted conclusions.

As for the rumor mongering above, I'm striking it. And for the Goats of the Week below, if nothing else changes, hell, I'm adding to it.

Update 1:10 - Basically it looks like this has been terribly overblown. Not to say gallivanting about Quebec with a drug dealer of the mafia persuasion isn't a big deal, but my God. I'll be the first to apologize for the rumor spreading, but I'm just the messenger. I'll ensure all the info on here is all facts, when I wake up tomorrow.

By the way, let it be known I feel pretty much like a total dicknose for the Goat of the Week post below this. Depending on the allegations that are announced it may be taken down for the sake of good taste. Just an FYI.
hehe, no.

Goat of the Week: Montreal Canadiens

It's been a rough week for Les Habitants, from the Front Office all the way down to the AHL's Hamilton Bulldogs, these Canadiens, as an organization, receive the 10th Official Goat of the Week Award.

Accepting on behalf of the Canadiens will be Bob Gainey, who's public betrayal of, wait no, embarassment of, hmm not quite there, public cruxification of Alex Kovalev, has sparked internet trade rumors and derision. Of course, Kovalev was sleep walking through the season (but he was all-star MVP!) and but when a GM, not coach, declares that the team is no longer in need of your services. That hurts.

Oh but Kovalev, this isn't just Gainey's fault, oh no, you suck. You have some of the most gifted hands in the league, so naturally why would you ever want to use them. I'd rather have a guy like Lapierre, or hell even Latendresse, who actually gives a damn. Rather than your lackadaisical act. Maybe Gainey can call Shero and swap Kovy for Satan.

Oh but the Habs aren't done. Sergei Kostitsyn? Your 8th leading scorer? Well, I guess technically 5th leading scorer cause Lang, Kovy, and Tanguay aren't playing. Obviously, he's been demoted and by demoted I mean PWND. Your 23 points are less than you put up last year in your rookie season, same amount of games, sophomore slump FTW.

What else have we got? Oh yeah. Carey Price. Poor, poor Carey Price. Oh wait, no. If a player leaves the league due to lung cancer do they receive the same kind of welcome back that Jason Blake, Phil Kessel, Saku Koivu or Mario Lemieux got? Well, maybe we'll find out. I'm not sayin, I'm just sayin. Plus you know, he's been blowin his wad in the crease during their swoon (well at least he doesn't have Peter Mannino's numbers) .

Well at least we know that he and the Party Patrol are havin' fun.

So far we have Gainey, Kovalev, S. Kostitsyn, Carey Price, and the Party Patrol. I would make mention of adding a 46 year old D-man to the fold the other day, but you know, that might actually be beneficial.

It just makes you wonder, where is Saku Koivu through all this? Where's the leadership? Step up man! Eh, whatever. Montreal, congratulations, you are the Goat of the Week.


[Also considered: Ryan Suter for getting his ass beat by Maid Marian Hossa, Michel Therrien (but he's more like a scapegoat of the week), Justin Pogge, and The Mononucleosis virus] And as always people, it's a joke.

Who Would You Rather?

Michael Farber, the donk that wrote the column below and whom I've mocked in Critiquing the Critics throughout these past couple weeks, is currently on Pittsburgh radio talking about not just that seemingly infamous column, but hockey in general.

He proffers up a legitimate question as we head towards these playoffs, what's going to be the downfall of these teams? Cause obviously some one is going to miss out. Farber thinks one of the Habs/Rangers are going to miss out, with the Pens or Canes catching up and sneaking in.

So now we ask you: Who would you rather?

Would you rather be the Rangers? A team with usually stellar goaltending situation, a rancid defense, and the league's least effective offense.

Or

Would you rather be the Canadiens? A team with young, serviceable, yet lackadaisical forwards, a commendable but not laudable D, and a goalie in Carey Price who smokes more cigarettes a day than total saves made.

Your call.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Is Sidney Crosby a Bad Teammate?

Ryan Whitney, Penguins Defensemen:
"I wouldn't say it's a struggle playing with him," says Whitney, the defenseman, "but Sid sees plays happening one or two steps ahead, and other guys don't. It can frustrate him. I don't think by any means he gets on his linemates too bad, but he's a superstar, and last year he found a guy [Hossa] to play with who's a superstar. You see him and Malkin together, and well, there's Sid again. But when he's playing with guys who are good NHL players but not quite on his level ... guys get a little nervous."
From this week's upcoming Sports Illustrated issue, now I didn't read the whole article, cause frankly that's a lot of words. But I'm going to throw this out there.

If his own guy, his boyiiieeeeee, a friend who's going to be playing along side him for the next 5 years, says "I don't think by any means he gets on his line mates too bad...", that to me, is telling. Does he really bitch guys out for a saucered tape to tape pass through 3 defenders skates from behind the net? Exaggeration, yes, but you get the point.

I'd love to see in what context that's being said. Was Whitney being defensive? Was he qualifying his statement? Is he throwing the 11 different guys that have played on Crosby's wing this year under the bus? Going on the record with a statement like that is a pretty big deal, especially when team chemistry means so much in today's game.

Since nobody gives a damn what I think, we go to the comments. What do y'all think, has Crosby been part of the problem? Is Crosby a bad teammate? Should Crosby be...traded?!? (e3)

What an Awful Day

Besides the fact the Rangers and, pending Overtime, Habs getting points, today has plain sucked.

Anyways, couple hockey notes I guess. Nate Gerbe has been sent back to Portland while Paul Gaustad has been cleared tomorrow to play in Philly. Oddly enough, I can't even remember when the Flyers last played. Both teams will be rested, should be a good game.

Denson was listening to P-burgh talk radio, from Atlanta, and they're saying the Pens had close to a 4 hour practice today. Like a tryout. Hilarious.

And just in case you haven't seen it yet. Ovechkin's goal tonight is a throwback to his other highlight reel tally. From his ass.



Sometimes, damn.

Rangers got by the Isles, Habs get a point, so the standings are back to what they were prior to yesterday.

Outside of our teams of interest, we have Kovalev sitting out the road trip. But you knew that already.

This is pretty new however, last night Danny Alfreddson took a wrist shot to the face but came back to the game later. He's got xrays, although no word is out yet, Josh Hennessy has been called up, so perhaps there's more to that than meets the eye.

Tomorrow there's a Goat of the Week, and I'm pretty sure everyone and their uncle, or maybe everyone and their man-eating pet Chimpanzee already know who that's gonna be.


Oh funny stuff from today. A) Someone from Iran visited the site today. The terrorists are even infiltrating our past time. I'm looking at you Akim Aliu. B) Someone from Hershey Resort & Entertainment visited as well, AKA Hershey Bears, I hope they aren't mad. They already don't like to sell me beer (I look 12) let alone being barred from games.

Fan of the Week: Those Lahcky Bahstahds In Bahstahn

We've come down with a little penis envy over the City of Boston's athletic accomplishments this past decade. Come on, you know you do. Patriots: Super Bowls out the ass lately. Red Sox: World Series and success. Celtics: NBA last year (but no white people care, just sayin.) And now the Bruins turn into something special. Bahstahds. [Enter Clam Chowder joke here].
Got you good Bruins Fans! Oh wait, wrong Bruins. Sorry.



Fat people are funny. That's the actual fan of the week. I think there's a little ass crack there at the beginning. 20 bucks he's a plumber. Or Unemployed.

Or Rollie Fingers here, can't decide.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Sabres V Leafs: Again

I would preview this game. But instead, here's LeafBlower. Jessssussss Chrrrisst.

Pogge's in net for the Leafs. Last time we saw Pogge he got beat 5-0.

Would it surprise me to see Lalime tonight? No. Lindy split up all the lines, he got mad, like Hulk-Smash mad.

But tonight I'm going to be working on the Versus drinking game. We've all heard of the Jordan Staal drinking game, as well as the numerous "if XXX scores then drink" spontaneous game day drinking games. I'm going to make the standardized Versus Alcohol Game, VAG for short. Doin' it, bet I end up drunk.


Update:: ESPN.COM is currently doing a "Team Loyalty" survey for their Magazine. Check it out. Vote n Stuff.

Chronicling Bylsma's Debut

I think this is probably how it happened. I'm not sure, but like, it's gotta be pretty close.

First Period

Second Period

Third Period

OVERTIME


It's pronounced bYlz-ma, here I was saying it all wrong this whole time. Denson probably won't find this funny, oh well.

Poor Hershey Bears

Valentine's Day means a lot to women around this country, love or loneliness. Take your pick. To guys, it's either a wasted Saturday at the movie theater or a fun filled night of preying at a bar. To the Hershey Bears, Saturday, February 14th was a hilariously emasculating evening of hockey.

Why do I say that? Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Poor, poor Hershey Bears. There's more photos at Inside Hockey as well.



No son of Raymond Bourque should ever have to wear such a thing.



Giroux has 38 goals, leads everyone else in the AHL by 10, and has to wear that garbage. I sure hope the folks in Hershey bid enough for those charity jerseys to make a difference in the world.

I've been on the lookout in the local papers to see how much "Puck-er Up Night" made for local charity, I haven't found anything yet. (Wait, Puck-er Up Night? There's gotta be a joke in there somewhere.)

Actually, I think I like the pink jerseys more than the Norfolk Admirals jerseys, those are hideous.

Thanks to the Bears for the photos, and the Laughs.

[But to be fair, as much as people degrade the pink jerseys, any time that an organization comes together in support of charity, regardless of the means in which they do, is commendable. So kudos to the Bears for that.]

Rumors are Just Rumors: It's Gonna Get Good

Now we know this is the time of year that Hockeybuzz really starts to rake in the dough. The first move was made in Schneider, setting the precedent for Kubina, Derek Morris, Kaberle, etc, and now the Stars may need to make a move with Brad Richard breaking his wrist.

I think I'm going to leave this particular thread open throughout the day, revisiting it with what I hear/read as I get increasingly bored at work.

First off, there's been a lot of noise about J.S. Giguere over the past couple of weeks. He's essentially lost his job to the cheaper Jonas Hiller but with a Conn Smythe, Cup, and an ESPY behind him, some teams may make a move to shore up their goaltending situation.
(Vesa Toskala too falls into this category, but we're not talking about him.)


So since common sense usually dictates the "rumors" that Mr. Dwayne Klessel (Eklund for the uninitiated) drivels, Washington, Colorado, and Detroit are involved. He also says Jiggy to Toronto, but with the Burke connection, also common sense.

Terry Frei at the Denver Post puts the Avs as close to sellers as possible, with being in last place in the West and all, so this wouldn't truly make sense. Colorado will be shedding weight in the likes of Svatos, Brett Clark, and Jordan Leopold. Not taking on a 6 million dollar goalie. The return of Statsny and Sakic may be close, but not close enough to salvage this season. Boom: Sellers.

Now Washington and Detroit are completely and utterly feasible, except you know, the whole salary cap issue. The Capitals have a little under $1 million available while Detroit currently sits at $1.25 million (but they will have to put Holmstrom back on the books), so essentially both teams would have to move someone to make room for Jiggy.

Do you risk trading a role player, a Brett Lebda or Thomas Kopecky type, for a month of Giguere? Tough call for both Holland and McPhee.

I'll update throughout the day.

Here's your 2nd update on the day.

Lecavalier. Again. This time Mr. Klessel says the Rangers are poised to strike, as well as the Habs. Because we all know that Matheiu Schneider easily replaces Markov on the blueline, right guys!

No? Yeah, he just holds that low hanging fruit and people just reach and reach and reach but they can never get it. It's kind of like the fat girl who hangs out with the cute crowd, just hoping one time a dejected, drunk guy has a moment of despair. Like that.

Here's the 3rd update on the day.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

Whew, I'm out of breath.

Malkin for Kovalchuk + picks

BWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Monday, February 16, 2009

5 Things I Hate About You

New feature, that I'll do when I feel like it. Like the Fan of the Week, except reasons why people hate certain teams. There's a lot of reasons we hate certain teams. Fans, players, rivalries, whatever. Well we're doin it up thataways. Starting alphabetical from the back. So, the Washington Capitals are up first.

Well, Denson already went through why Pens fans specifically hate the Capitals. I'm going to try to stay away from that Top 10 list as much as I can, but you know, until the Hershey Bears became the Caps affiliate, let alone moving to the area, I had no reason to like them at all. I'm going to try to remember those days.

5. Jaromir Jagr

Is this a serious photo?

Jagr is one of those universally hated guys. You just can't help it. You can admire his talent, you can awe at his quick release, his ability to protect the puck, whatever. But if you were playing against him, then you wanted nothing to do with him. Boo away. Enjoy your banishment to Russia.

4. Dale Hunter


Dale Hunter's prime was early in my childhood, but his name is always mentioned among some of the dirtier guys in the league. Universally despised or universally loved. When Hunter's number was retired by the Capitals, the organization presented him with a penalty box. He's amassed the 2nd most penalty minutes in NHL history with 3565. Jesus.

3. "Rock the Red"



Let's be honest, if you're not a Caps fan, this faux music video featuring Ovechkin on vocals, Mike Green on Drums, Brooks Laich on guitar, and Brashear providing security is the gayest thing they've ever seen. It is pretty much the gayest thing I've ever seen.

2. Segways


Not really, #2 is Joe Beninati and Craig Laughlin. Beninati's voice is so utterly grating. It's like they couldn't get the most annoying in Doc Emrick, so they found the 2nd most annoying guy they could.

1. Alex Ovechkin



Let's be honest, if you don't like the Caps nowadays, there's one reason. That guy.


I considered some other things as well: Olaf Kolzig, Jim Carey, Chris Simon, Bandwagon Fans, those shitty jerseys with the Capital on them, the giant black guy standing at the top of the Metro stairs ripping me off on scalped tickets. So now tell me, why do you hate the Caps?

Schneider to the Habs

The Thrashers have traded Matheiu Schneider, yes, the 20 year veteran, back to his original team, the Montreal Canadiens.

The Thrashers will receive a 2nd and 3rd round pick for the 39 year old.

According to our friend Eklund this actually puts the Thrashers under the Cap floor. That means they need to make another move here or else...you know, I'm not sure what happens. I'm gonna have to look that shit up.

I looked it up, I'm not a lawyer, and ''Salary Cap Floor'' is not an item found in the CBA. There was a whole bunch of nonsense about Minimum Team Player Compensation, but who wants to read all that legal mumbo jumbo.

Critiquing the Critics: The Therrien Edition

Everyone and their uncle is writing about this today. Everyone thinks something different. I'm sure even Denson and I will disagree to an extent as to what has transpired in the Pens organization over the last 24 hours.

First off, the facts. Therrien has been fired, not directly after the relatively humiliating, hole in the wall punching 6-2 defeat to Toronto, but over 24 hours after, with a game scheduled for 2 the next day.

Dan Byslma has been called up from Wilkes Barre on the interim tag to replace Therrien. Assistant Andre Savard was "reassigned" within the organization, while Tom Fitzgerald assumes his role (from Director of Player Development) and Mike Yeo keeps his job on the PP.

Wes Goldstein at CBS calls it the easy way out. Scott Burnside at ESPN agrees. I tend to agree. Ray Shero made a host of moves this offseason. Zigomanis, Satan, Fedotenko, Sykora, Cooke, Dupuis, not to mention Michel Therrien.

He says,
"I think we're all accountable. I'm accountable. This is my team."
Are you Ray? Is it Ray? If it is, then this is just as much your fault. We know Therrien wasn't your guy and a Stanley Cup appearance forced your hand to sign him to a deal. But if I'm Mario Lemieux, I'm looking at the big picture of this team.

Ray Shero made these moves. It's quite debatable whether or not the Pens should've matched Tampa for Malone. But still, that's 27 goals, 51 points, and grit. Something these Pens lack outside of a man named Godard (during his 3 minutes of time), Fedotenko and Cooke (when they're not injured).

Hossa? You don't replace Hossa. He made his decision to leave, some say because of Therrien, to that point we will never know. But, it was a deal that sold a top prospect for a run at the Cup. The Pens won't get those picks or prospects back. Well, maybe Colby, but Sid needs his bff.

Others left, Gary Roberts, who at times was a possessed geriatric beast. Jarkko Ruutu, a pest, who'd at least stick up for himself and his teammates. This was of course before he garnered a taste for human flesh.

Yet who has Shero replaced all these guys with. Sykora, whom has worked out well, but has been oddly used in his time thus far in Pittsburgh. Zigomanis, the floater known as Miroslav Satan, Fedotenko, and a rotating group of about 10 AHL'ers, including Finnish "stud" Janne Pesonen.

As much as you can say about Ziggy's faceoff abilities, Satan's wrister, Tank's Fists, Sykora's hands, and Pesonen's potential, these are still UFA retreads that place a square peg in a round hole.

What can Shero do about it? Well if this is his team, as he says. He can start by shedding some weight. He has 65% of the cap tied into 6 guys. Did he not learn anything from Tampa?

This is not to say I'm saying Therrien should not have been fired. I've not been a Therrien proponent. He's got less emotion than the Mona Lisa, can't put together a game plan (or lines) to save his life, and his solution to any sort of adversity is putting Crosby and Malkin together.

However, this is a perfect storm. Injuries decimated what was a good D corps last year. There's no Ty Conklin heroics in goal, as Fleury is either great or inconsistent, and Sabu, now Garon, isn't likely to spell him for any period of time. Nor is there any true semblance of secondary scoring, Staal has regressed, Talbot has regressed, etc. etc.. The powerplay, even with 2 of the top 3 scorers in the league, is ranked in the bottom 10 (yet Mike Yeo keeps his job, pardon me?). That's going to get you fired no matter what kind of previous success you've had with a team.

But if Shero has the gall to say that everyone, including himself, should be held accountable for what is currently adding up to a wasted season for the Pens (as we've seen the window of opportunity for teams in the Salary Cap era closes very quickly) then this is as much his fault as Therriens. In reality, this is Lemieux's team, and apparently like the Ottawa Senators, the GM gets to pass the buck.

------------------------------------------------------------------
Denson's thoughts will go here. Cause I'm sure he'll defend someone along the way.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Therrien = Canned

Wooooooooooooooooooo bout f'n time. Yesterday was an awful day to be a Pens fan. Today is a great day. KuklasKorner was the first place we saw break the news tonight of Therrien's firing, so kudos to him.

Here's KuklasKorner's take, and here is the TSN article.

Don't know a whole lot bout Dan Bylsma besides him being a solid coach for the Baby Pens. Let me do my research and I'll get back to the subject later tonight...but probably tomorrow.

All we know for now, however, is that Shero isn't taking this shit and is still expecting this team to make the post-season. If they don't expect major shake ups in the off-season.

Marathon Hockey Day

Today I'm partaking in an epic marathon run of hockey viewership (I hope I can go from 12:30 pm to 12:30 am, we'll see). Chinese delivery here I come. But between plugging my ear's when Doc Emrick starts yelling and shaking my head with EdZo's quips, I'm going to sit here and browse articles and comment on these games as it occurs. It'll be like a live blog, except a lot less time consuming and annoying.

I'll put out what I'm looking for here today as a Sabres fan and what I'll be watching. Flyers - Rangers? I want the Flyers. San Jose - Devils? Don't really care, just a great game. Caps - Florida? I'm sporting my Caps and Sabres gear, DAVE STECKEL FTW!!! Then Sabres - Canes? Obvi. Habs - Canucks? Go Canucks! If the Pens/Sabres/Panthers can all make it in at the expense of the Habs/Rags, I'm all for it.

Join me in the comments if you're into it.

Game 1 Flyers - Rangers

1:04 - I'm talking to a couple buddies online, and we all wonder, what does Henrik Lundqvist think about the D-corps in front of him? He can't be happy.

Empty Netters found this article on Sidney Plain and Tall, worth a read. Not negative, nor overly positive, just a look at Crosby and his unwillingness to say anything that he wouldn't say in front of his Grammy.

And as I write this the first chippiness of this game, kinda figured it'd be rough stuff from the start, seeing how it is the Flyers after all, heyyyyoooooooooo.

1:09 - Hartnell, cut your hair, you ass.

And with that penalty, it goes into intermission with the Flyers leading 1-0.

1:17 - I'm hungry. Mike Milbury is a douche bag. And why does the media so utterly love Chris Drury?

1:19 - Over/Under 2 minutes for the first Little League World Series Champion reference?

1:25 - Looks like I lost a buck...to myself! [super troopers reference, sheesh]
Why is Mats Sundin on a Poker Commercial? He fits in there about as well as he fits in with Vancouver.
Game back on.

1:29 - Good Lord New York. A 5 on 3 shorthanded goal?!? Fire Tom Renney in between periods!
A terrible shot by Richards, but the knuckleball found its way in.
This 5 on 3 powerplay is terrible, you can't find a shooting lane on a 5 on 3?
Jesus Gagne almost had another breakaway, should've been a penalty.

1:33 - They're already previewing Orr - Cote V, when will it go down?

1:37 - These announcers are really putting the onus on Drury for the Rangers troubles. This is a team sport Edzo.

1:38 - Does Hank get the pine? Nope, because his ass is getting hung out to dry. He deserves better. 3-0 Flyers.

1:39 - Is this a joke? 4-0 Flyers. He's gotta get the pine now. Yeah, it happened. I could coach this team like Renney does.

1:42 - Well if the NHL exec's/NBC wanted good ratings by putting on this game? We'll call it an epic fail. Everyone in that bandwagon city known as New York already turned off the game and are watching re-runs of the Dunk Contest. 5-0 Flyers.

1:48 - Rangers fans act as if they have a shot. 5-1. At least it's not Ole Ole Ole. On the faceoff Colton Orr wants to go, McGuire thinks it'll be a misconduct, I think NBC is a bunch of jagoffs for going to commercial during the scrapping. He must've said all kinds of things about the refs wife there.

1:52 - Could the Rangers possibly become sellers? Markus Naslund anyone?

1:56 - Milbury and McGuire agree on that being weak? I do too. And holy shit Staal almost killed a guy. That was something fierce. That's dangerous. Those Staal's definitely have a little simple in them.

1:59 - That horse's ass Hartnell runs Lundqvist. Yet doesn't get a shot to the face. Other than Orr the Rags are cowards. Cowards.

2:02 - I take that back. Kudos to Dubinsky for going after the Horses Ass. As you can tell, I am not a fan of Scott Hartnell. Garbage.

2:07 - Intermission. Thank God. The Confluence asks...Should the Pens claim Avery? No, I really think the Pens have locker room issues as it is, and Avery won't bring anything. Though his grit would be appreciated in Pittsburgh no doubt.

2:16 Denson - While the Pens would no doubt appreciate his grit...his douchebagedness would not fly with our ownership. But at this point...I'll take anyone who's going to light a fire under these pansies.

2:22 - Sabres news from Pierre Lebrun at ESPN.
The Sabres reached out to the Tim Connolly camp and have asked to open contract talks. The talented but oft-injured center is UFA July 1. But he's been dynamite over the last month. Contract talks are set to begin over the next week or so.
Sign him for a discount, considering he's been given 9 million for 3 years and played about a 3rd of them. Pansy.

2:30 - They dance for what seems like hours, throw a couple, then break up. Weak Sauce. Asham and Mara disappoint. I would be commenting on the game, but I'm gonna slow up while I'm eating Chinese.

2:34 - McGuire's right, why in the world did the Rangers wait until 10 minutes left and down 4 goals to play with any heart, energy, or emotion. How are there still fans in the stands?

2:38 - So uhhhhhh, I jinx'ed the Flyers? 5-2. Zherdev gets a tip. 16 goals for him.

2:44 - Awww, don't show the poor kid who got hit in the face with a puck. His fellow 4th graders are gonna make fun of him for crying on national TV. And now he's gotten a free stick, jersey, puck, etc. I kinda wanna get hit in the face now too.

2:51 - The Flyers have played ridiculously lazy hockey in the 3rd. It's hideously boring.

Game 2 Sharks - Devils

3:06 - I thought maybe ATDHE was going to let me down, but I got the internet feed up and running, switched PCs, and am now on with the NJ broadcasters. Word is Brendan Shanahan is out, and Pandolfo is back in.

3:09 - 30 seconds in! Jesus, the flu bug that has hit the Sharks continues. We've got an hour of this game until the Caps come on, let's hope it's exciting.

3:16 - Wow Rob Blake with a cannon. Tied up. Straight up beats Clemmensen.

3:23 - I check out if I'm gonna get the Caps game on Directv, and boom, Devils have scored. Rolston takes it 5 hole. PWND.

3:24 - Entertaining! Marleau on the PP, ties it. Johnny Oduya, PWND.

3:29 - I'll say it, is something wrong with Nabokov? That's 2 straight games, against the "weaker" Eastern Conference foes, that he's given up 3 goals in the 1st period. David Clarkson beats him with a screened shot. 3-2 Devils.

3:45 - Period done, slowed down a bit from the early torrid pace. Let's if McLellan's boys step it up in the 2nd like they did in Buffalo on Friday.

4:00 - I'm bored by this New Jersey intermission. I'm hanging my Derek Roy stick, etc. etc. Let's get this game back on for Christ's sake.

4:08 - Just showed a graphic on NHL Goal Leaders, Ovechkin's shooting %, 10.7%, Vanek's 19.7%. Just sayin.

4:16 - Travis Zajac just went to the locker room. We'll see what happened there.

4:19 - I haven't noticed Setoguchi and Clowe like I did when the Sharks were in Buffalo. It's either because these broadcasters are Jack Edwards-esque homers, or they're not exerting themselves. I'd go with a mix of both.

4:25 - Wow Devils had a huge chance, bodies flying all over the place, and it just squirts wide. It's getting awful close to me turnin' on some music, this voice is grating.

4:30 - Clemmer just absolutely jobbed Pavelski. Spreads it post to post and gets his far pad on it. Well played. Zajac back on the ice...But on replay it looks like the puck squeaked in. Should be a tie game. We'll see if it gets reviewed.

4:33 - Inconclusive in Toronto. No goal. So back to the original statement, Clemmer jobs and robs Pavelski.

4:35 - What the hell, Cheechoo scores and they replay the fail chance the Devils had. Finally they show the goal, tied up at 3. Fail MSG+HD, Fail.

4:38 - I'm 4 hours in and I'm draggin. A nap isn't an option. But from what Braylon Edwards and Osi Umenyiora hear, 5 Hour Energy does the job.

4:42 - And I jinxed the Devils, Setoguchi scores from a thread job by Thorton, on a 5 on 3 PP. With only 12 seconds left. You know that Sutter, and Langenbrunner, are straight pissed. Colin White and Jamie Langenbrunner came out the box straight for the refs, they arent pleased.

4:44 - Just like Friday, after the 1st period feeling out process, the Sharks come out flying and catch up. This will be a great 3rd...which I will be missing because I'm gonna be watching the Caps. Suck it.

4:49 - JapersRink has a open game day thread for the Panthers/Caps, check it.

4:57 - EdZo ruins the Carrie Milbank commercial. Ruins it.

Game 3: Capitals - Panthers

5:00 Internet feed shunned. Comcast Sportsnet on. Mike Green expose on. As a Sabres fan, this game is huge. I'm gonna keep the Devils/Sharks game on my other PC next to me.

5:03 Joe Beninatti's suit is ridiculous. Brown/White pinstripes and a green shirt? Are you kidding me?

5:10 - Jersey's tied it. I don't know who or how, but it's 4 all now. Jesus, there is no one in freakin' Florida at this game. I'd give it 70% capacity, generously.

5:14 - Not much really goin on here in Miami, pretty slow start. But in the other game, Langenbrunner exacts his revenge and gets the go ahead marker at the Rock. 5-4 Jersey.

5:18 - Brash in the box, not much of a surprise there. Both the Panthers and Caps sport bottom 10 specialty units, PP and PK respectively.

5:20 - As if you'd thought the Sharks would quit. Bad turnover at the blueline and this time Pavelski jobs Clemmer shorthanded. Tie game. 5s.

5:24 - Both the Caps and Panthers are feeling each other out, both Vokoun and Theodore have made some good saves but there haven't been any great chances.

5:25 - Carrie needs to show a little more skin. Mr. Staal wouldn't mind at all. Nor would I.

5:29 - Karlis Skrastins saved a goal on a leaky puck in the crease, and just like that, Brash takes another penalty. Sheesh.

5:30 - In the other game 5 minutes left, Thorton takes a boarding call. Devils get a prime shot to take back the lead.

5:31 - Rolston tallies a point blast. Sneaks through Nabokov 5 hole, 6-5 Devils.

5:32 - Ovechkin! Rips it by Vokoun on the PP. Let's see if he gets to 40 tonight, he sits at 39 now. 1-0 Caps.

5:33 - Let's see what Clemmer's made of. 2:38 left, 2 minute powerplay for the Sharks.

5:36 - McLellan actually has to coach, calls a timeout with just 1:21 left, 35 seconds on the PP. Sharks have 6 out with the empty net.

5:38 - The period ends and the game ends. Caps lead 1-0 after 1. Devils take the W with a 6-5 win. The Sharks lose consecutive 6-5 games on the east coast. Suck it.

5:40 - Checkin in on the 'Lanche and Wings. Colorado is somehow winning. 1-0. Good on them.

5:49 - Multiple intermissions bore the hell outta me. I'm getting hungry again. I'd like pizza. Hmmmmmmm.

5:55 - Intermissions over...just in time for me to set up ATDHE for the Sabres game.

5:56 - But before I change it Eric Fehr notches a quick tally. Boom, 2-0 Caps.

6:00 Game 4 Sabres - Canes

6:02
Dammit ATDHE! WORK.

6:04 - It works! BOOM. 4 on 3 PP for the Panthers, what in the world is going on.

6:10 - First penalty of the game, Carolina gets the PP on a hook by Stafford.

6:15 - Killed, and the General McArthur get's jobbed in the nose by a wayward Samsonov high stick, 4 minute powerplay ensues, we'll see if they can replicate their success from Friday.

6:16 - Florida gets one back, 2-1. Don't have it on any longer with the Sabres taking over.

6:17 - Gerbe chunks it and misses a wide open net, still doesn't have his 1st NHL goal. Less than a minute left on the PP.

6:20 - Connolly gets a penalty, after making a potential goal saving play. A 2 on 1 for Carolina, when Spacek is missing his stick. Canes will have a PP when it starts back up.

6:22 - Staal pots the PP goal. The Sabres fail to clear and they've got the lead. That's Staal's 24th of the year.

6:30 - The Canes are controlling the play early here, not what the Sabres wanted. How they are after a late tough game last night I haven't a clue.

6:31 - Staal undresses 4 Sabres, Miller makes the initial, rebound laying there and LaRose puts it in. 2-0 Canes on a delayed penalty. Damn.

6:35 - Caps hold the 2-1 lead into the 2nd intermission.

6:37 - Another Sabres penalty, a delay of game call on Lydman. Good God.

6:40 - Killed, but the Sabres still look bad. Need to pick up their feet and get going. But here they get a PP, has any of this game been played even strength? Getting one here would be big.

6:42 - But naturally the Sabres PP is negated by a roughing penalty on Connolly. Tim Connolly and roughing are words I don't think I've ever together before.

6:46 - Ugly Ugly Ugly. Bad period for the home team. I wouldn't say they looked like the Rangers, but they sure didn't look like the Flyers, Devils, or Sharks. Back to the Caps game.

6:48 - As they are apt to do, the Panthers tied the game. Nate Horton has a lay up.

6:56 - Dammit Caps, win. That is all. Wow, Backstrom, you freakin' idiot. Way to just throw the puck out in your own end, with no pressure, or anything. Powerplay Florida.

7:02 - Game starts back up...with Patrick Lalime in net. I'm not quite sure why Miller was pulled. But we'll see if this change does anything for these listless Sabres.

7:04 - The Sabres are at their best when they're winning battles on the side wall, beating people to the pucks. They aren't doing that tonight.

7:08 - Can't gain possession, can't gain ground. Ugly. Silver lining? They're blocking shots and Lalime hasn't had to face many.

Justin Williams blocked a shot earlier and will not return.

7:11 - They look better then Whitney gets a breakaway...annnnnnnnnd Lalime makes an epic save. But the Sabres take another penalty.

7:14 - In the other game Horton rings one of the post...still tied at 2 with 5 minutes left.

7:15 - Samsonov rips one off the post...then another one of the post...20 seconds left in the Canes PP. annnnnnnnnnd killed.

7:18 - WOOOOOOOOOOO! Ovechkin tallies #40. 2 minutes left and a lead. How does he pull shit like this off?

7:19 - I come back and the Sabres are on the PP. Oh geez, Lalime gets lucky with the shorthanded chance.

7:21 - Extra man on in FLA, under a minute

7:22 - A defensive zone score, AO with the hat trick from the back wall. Game over. Sabres need to come back now. 4 - 2 Capitals. Final.

7:24 - Scoring Chances: Carolina 16, Buffalo 4. Bad.

7:31 - Better sustained pressure, but still nothing to show for it. This is a ridiculously long shift, over 2 minutes. Lucky they didn't capitalize on that. Gerbe, Roy, Pominville were out there far too long, Ruff cannot be pleased.

7:33 - They get a post in the last 30 seconds, but no dice. The Canes are outshooting the Sabres 34-21 after 2. Yikes.

7:40 - Colorado and Detroit are in OT, could be good. But after 6 hours of straight hockey, I'm gonna watch American Dad during intermission. Maybe eat a carrot.

7:43 - A preview of tonight's Family Guy...Completely and utterly unsafe for babies, young girls, and work. Take note, you've been warned.


That is too much.

7:48 - Still waiting for this stupid game to come back on.

7:54 - Lindy must've reamed them out during the break, they're skating much harder. Starting to win some battles.

7:58 - 15 minutes left, gotta make something happen soon.

8:00 - Ward just robs Connolly. That would've been what they needed.

8:06 - Ward is having one of those games, playing very well. Sabres are swarming. Have to get one soon.

8:12 - I'm not sure what to say, they just can't break through. But they have a shot, Canes take a penalty. Sabres going on the PP.

8:16 - It's killed, lots of missed opportunities, bad decisions, bad handling. This one isn't gonna go our way.

8:20 - Big News! BREAKING NEWS! Therrien Fired!

8:24 - Well Lalime thought he had it, sitting under him, and the Canes poke it home. 3-0 Canes. Game over.

8:29 - I do believe this is where my day ends. It's been a good 7 hours of straight hockey, but this loss stings. I need some comedic revelry. Off to Fox I go.
 
Fact: BanginPanger is not meant as an insult to the one and only Darren Pang, nor do I claim to be him. The views and opinions presented on BanginPanger are of my own, and no other namesake of the site, the NHL, Buffalo Sabres, Washington Capitals, or anyone else.