Friday, January 30, 2009

5 Guys I Wouldn't Mind Seeing In A Pens Jersey by March 4

So the second "half" of the season began for the Pens with a dominating performance against the Rangers earlier in this week. Now it's important to get 2 points every game, but it was even more important for them to come out of the gates flying. I liked what I saw, except why is Dupuis immediately back on the 1st line? I don't know why I even bother to ask these questions anymore. Vance and I have come to the conclusion the Therrien has no game plan, he's high, retarded, but probably both.

Moving on to the purpose of the post. The Pens are making their playoff push, and without a doubt they need to make a move. Do I personally expect a blockbuster rental from the $5/day rental shelf? No. But who cares what I think. Shero has been on record that this year is crucial, and he expects the team to make playoffs. As far as a Stanley Cup run...well we know the Pens aren't the best team in the East, and far from it. One thing not to overlook though is if they do make the playoffs, they'll be red hot considering they have to amass like 70% of their remaining points.

So the question that remains is how far can they go with their current roster? I'd say 7th or 8th in the East, but if they want to be certain they'll be in, Shero will make moves.

Below are some guys I'd like to see in a Pens jersey before the trade deadline. Keep in mind this is just me blowing smoke up mine and your ass.



1. Keith Tkachuk: 15 goals, 16 helpers....good for second on his team in scoring. Not bad for a young and struggling Blues team. He's a veteran, a leader on and off the ice. He could serve as our "Gary Roberts" type player...only Tkachuk would bury a few more goals I think. Oh and did I mention he's never won a Stanely Cup. He'd be hungry, and a mad man.


2. Nik Antropov: I hate this big mo' fo...but that's because all he does is score against the Pens. And that's about the only team he's been scoring against this season as he's known to be inconsistent...BUT the guy is huge (the son of a bitch is 6'6), and talented, and can shoot the puck. Leads the shitty leafs in scoring with 14 G and 22 A.


3. Mike Cammalleri: Did anyone see what this guy did to the Sabres this week? Last year of his contract...makes only $3.6...this could be a "big move" made by the Pens. I haven't seen them in any talks or rumors. But I'm just saying, this would be huge. He's a nasty winger. 25 G, 22 A. I'd much rather trade for him than make a blockbuster deal...granted I guess this would be one, but it wouldn't be like trading for a Groin Injury (Gaborik)


4.Vincent Lecavalier: Here's your blockbuster. It's the only one I'm giving you. There's nothing to say about him, we know he's nasty. I don't see this happening at all, but then again, I never saw the Hossa trade coming...but then again...the Pens were good last year. Does Shero have it in him again?


5. Mark Recchi: Who'd have thought that amongst the mess that is the Lightning, Recchi would be having such a good season. 11G, 22A...not too shabby. I thought his career would die there, but if the Wreckinball wants one more shot at the cup, he's gotta move. He's old as shit, but the man wanted to prove in Tampa that he could still play, and boy did he. Would he be willing to let bygones be bygones?

Ok that's all. Remember, there is little to no validity behind any of this. It's just my hopeful wishing and well-respected with just my friends opinion. [Dude, I'm not even sure what the hell you're trying to say with this, I'd change it, but I'm laughing at it. - Vance]

Foppa klar för Modo

Yeah, I have no idea what that says either. But I do know what it means. Sorry Philly fans, Peter Forsberg won't be returning to the Flyers. Sorry Avalanche (you realllllllly needed him). Sorry Nashville. He won't be back anywhere in the NHL for that matter, as this crazy ass pink Swedish newspaper is reporting. I tried to translate it via Word and Google, and boy, they talk funny.

Not as if the Flyers would ever have enough cap room without moving Lupul or Briere to make room for Forsberg, but, as Spector told me the other day, the GMs cannot revisit the Salary sharing aspect of the CBA until it expires. Of course, the Player's Association just reupped the contract, so the Flyer's are stuck.

It's a shame we'll probably never see Peter and his wonky foot ever again in the league, he was one of the most dominant forwards there in the 90s. Hopefully he'll be remembered for when he was awesome and not a total gimp.

Are you too good for your home, ball?

He's even scary and bad ass when lining up putts.

He'd Hit That, but That's All He'd Hit

Well we know Wade can't hit anything else, but he's hangin' one on Danica, noooooooo doubt. But hey, he should consider himself lucky, stone cold fox. So without further ado, we have Mrs. Danica Redden.

She nabbed maybe the worst free agent signing of the year. But what does she care? She's got straight cash money. And lovin it.


Seriously, Wade, where's your hand? Tooooooooo funny. Anyway, congratulations Danica, even Nessie, the Loch Ness Monster, would hit that.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Goat of the Week: That Girl?

Seriously, I'm honestly upset. Usually somebody does something so utterly asinine that it just screams "Throw this dick under the bus!" But nothing really sticks out. We could rag on Kenny Holland for not telling his all-stars they could just show up in Montreal and not get suspended, but we gave the Wings hell last week. We could rag on the Oilers giving up 10, but honestly, it's the Oilers, so who cares?

So after a couple hours of thinking about it, I figured, screw it. It's another weak one, but who cares. Plus, I really gayed it up around here with those dancing fruits earlier.Here we've got Gums McGee shoveling some fresh shavings from around the crease...like that. Now I don't know about you, but when I'm shoveling my driveway, I stick my ass out there like that too, especially when I know I'm being photographed. At least we know there's some sort talent on Long Island.

I thought about only posting the bottom half of that picture, but then we'd miss out on the snarky referee commentary. Anyway, this is another SI photo gallery of Ice Girls, which is the apex of mainstream hockey media coverage in America.

So that undoubtedly pretentious little darling is your Goat of the Week, get over it. Seriously though, awesome ass, kudos to you.

The Flyers are in Penalty Denial

Man, we're up to our necks in conspiracy theories anymore. Gary Bettman's out to get the Wings, Gary Bettman's out to protect Crosby, the Isles are already packing their bags to Kansas City (I made that up, sorta), etc. Well we can add another one to the list, the referee's targeting the Flyer's due to 3 decades of goonery.

Yeah, that's right. Mike Richards has gone on record saying the Flyer's current penalty issues harken back to the days of yore. Way back to the Broad Street Bullies, you know, nearly a decade before Mike Richards was even born. Only 4 currently on the Flyers were even alive during the mid 70's (Hatcher, Timonen, Knuble, Metropolit), let alone old enough to comprehend hockey. Yet, the Flyers penalty differential of -64 is Bobby Clarke, Dave Schultz, and Bill Barber's fault.

The Flyers have had 174 powerplays but have been shorthanded 238 times. They've got the 3rd most penalty minutes with 842 (Anaheim has 879, but they've played 4 more games), 2nd in the league in minor penalties (265) and lead the league with 18.4 minutes a game.

Amazingly enough they've been called for 11 too many men penalties, 11. That's coaching, plain and simple. Can't really blame Barry Ashbee for that. Fred Shero wouldn't put up with that shit, John! Hey, speaking of too many men...



Fags. But of course, coach Stevens would want to shoot down such a conspiracy right? Nope.
"I really do believe there's an aura about the Flyers. There's a tradition, an identity that's been there. It will always be there," Stevens said. "The Flyer teams play hard, and they're an aggressive team. You look at the Super Bowl coming up, and they're talking about the linebackers in Pittsburgh. Coaches have changed, but the whole identity of a Pittsburgh linebacker has never changed. So there's certainly some things historically that stay with teams, and certainly our aggressive play suits us. That year we got away from it, we weren't a very good team.....I think we've done a great job of not getting involved in scrums after the whistle, because those clearly are situations where, based on our reputation, we're going to come out on the bottom end."
If anything, the conspiracy goes back to the Downie, Hartnell, and Boulerice suspensions of last year. I mean, 5 guys with multiple game suspensions? Frankly I think Scotty Hartnell, for the first time ever, has the level head on his shoulders.
"It seems like most of our penalties are little hooks and holds and that has to do with being on the wrong side of guys or getting beat off the wall."
It's time for the Flyers to quit making excuses. They most certainly have the talent to make a deep run, but in the playoffs they won't be able to outscore opponents, they'll have to keep themselves out of the box. Stevens needs to emphasize that here going forward.

But hey, maybe it's not such a bad idea to keep an eye trained on these guys, after all, they are the Philadelphia Flyers.

Role Playing!! Gary Bettman and 50 Cent



OK, let's pretend Gary Bettman is 50 Cent, then let's say the bad guys, terrorists or Crackers or somethin, are the Detroit Red Wings. Just use your imagination. Exxxxxxxxxtremely NSFW due to language, but you will undoubtedly laugh out loud. LOL if you will. Watch with headphones, I've never heard bitches and cocksucker so eloquently.

Now to the point of this is to tell Red Wings' fans to quit their bitching. Good Lord, it's not a conspiracy against the Wings, in fact, the Wings knew they could avoid the suspensions yet GM Ken Holland decided NOT to tell Lidstrom or Datsyuk that fact. There's a big long comment section arguing back and forth, trying to claim the vaunted "most annoying fan base" trophy, I pitched in with "I like turtles."

So when you see Wings fans pointing out that the league gave Crosby preferential treatment, no, they didn't. Your organization finally messed up and quite frankly you're becoming the Yankees of hockey. Shut up, no one cares anymore.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

It's Still Wednesday and This Has to Happen

Just because I can.

Listen, I don't know if it's real. I don't know where it came from. One can only assume it came from the Ontario Renaissance Festival.

It's so utterly disconcerting, yet...enchanting.

Sabres V Flames; The Aftermath

Well the Sabres are one of 3 teams to play back to back games after the break. I'm not sure that means anything, I'm just sayin. Lindy gave the team off this morning, justly so, after the giving their best Tobias Funke Analrapist impression for the Oilers.

News/Notes: Adam Mair had to get stitches in his leg after blocking a shot, I'm not sure how that happens, but it did. He's questionable, only guy available is Peters...Luckily, since the score was so egregious, that allowed Lindy to roll Gragnani and Paetsch more than he normally would have, I thought they played well enough to warrant 15 minutes. Though Lydman still almost notched 25 minutes...Derek Roy has been playing beastly since I bought that autographed stick, I'm not sayin, I'm just sayin....Oh imagine that, Miller and Kipper, who would've thought 2 of the goalies with the heaviest workloads would start?...Drew Stafford's Uncle, Barrie, the equipment manager for Edmonton over these last 25+ years, was caught smiling/smirking after Drew's first goal, he wasn't after his 3, the Sabres 9th.

Anyway the Flames are good, having won 10 of 13, hopefully the break has the same effect on the Flames as it did the Oilers. Sabres are 8-3 in 2009, that's pretty good too. 3rd in the West vs. 7th in the East. Do it.

So as I've been doing lately, posting opposing team fan pictures, I thought I'd give some good with the funny today. A gallery of sorts, if you will.



Now we can make fun of the Elvis guys alllllllllllll day long, deservedly so. We can sit here and talk about Asian stereotypes and Richard Park and Devin Setoguchi 'til the cows come home. But what I wanna talk about, is what kind of self respecting, young Canadian female is doing, in the heart of Winter (presumably), wearing such a scant ensemble?

Oh a skank you say? Yeah, a skank. But seriously, those things are monsters. Let's Go Buff-a-lo.

Another Russian Fueling the Fire

This comes from Puck Daddy's Dmitry Chesnokov, who often does interviews with Russian players and translates them for our eager consumption. He's the one who got the original Semin interview calling Crosby "dead wood."

Well guess what, ole Dmitry is at it again, this time with Sergei Kostitsyn.

D - Who, in your opinion, is the most talented player in the NHL?

S - Do you want me to name just one? Or a couple?

D - Whatever you want.

S - I think of the young players it is Patrick Kane [of the Chicago Blackhawks]. He was the first in fan voting for the All Star game in the Western Conference. I played with him in the past when we were in the juniors. And we're actually about to have dinner with him right now.

D - And who is the most overhyped player?

S - It is probably Crosby, just like everyone says, just like Semin said recently. It is true that [he gets] a lot of attention. If you ask me, I think Semin and Ovechkin play much better than Crosby.

D - But you have to agree that Sidney Crosby is a great player with great skill. It's not for nothing he is considered one of the best players.

S - Yes, he is very technically skilled. But Semin, Ovechkin, Kovalchuk, Malkin are more technically skilled. And it's not because they are Russian, it's just my opinion.

GLORIOUS! Sergei not only mentions Kane again, just like Semin, but he riles up the Crosby debate, just like Semin. This could be a Mother Russia thing or maybe not, either way, it's funny.

It'll also be funny to see the overreaction from Pensblog, whom will certainly call Kostitsyn a joke, proceed to say why Crosby is better than he is (he is), and say WOOOOO at the end. It's gonna be awesome.

New BanginPanger Feature: Fan of the Week

[I scour the interwebz, a lot. I use Google Images like nobody's business. I find a lot of hilarious/ridiculous/idiotic pictures all the time, but never have a use for them. On Wednesdays we will post a picture of a fan, you know the one, that guy who goes wayyyyyyy over the top, and mock him. Then they get to be our fan of the week. Hooray.]

Our first fan comes from the ECHL mainstay (maybe, I haven't the faintest idea) Cincinnati Cyclones. And yeah, I think this guy is serious.

Only in the God forsaken state of Ohio could there be such a dip shit. As we all know, Ohio is a fake state. Only thing cool in Ohio is Rick Nash and Steve Mason, outside of those two? Not quite sure.

a) This guy is literally fat enough to fit "HECKLER FROM HELL" on the back of his jersey, I'm thinkin that's atleast a 60, 62 maybe. Have another hot dog fatty.
b) This guy is literally fat enough to "666" on the back of his jersey. Have some more chili cheese fries tubby.
c) His Gary Cheevers mask is a nice try but still fail city.
d) If he truly is the "heckler from hell" then why are his seats 20 rows up behind the net? Who's going to hear him? His mom? I'm just glad she let him leave the house.
e) Have another polish sausage, this guy makes Charlie Weis look svelte.

OK I don't have anymore. Make fun of him in the comments, don't worry, he spent all his money on that jersey, can't afford a computer.

Edmonton gets Embarrassed, Goes Missing

Get it? It's on a milk carton. Cause they sucked balls last night.

Not really, but seriously. You know its bad when 4 guys had 3 points, and 6 guys had 2. Embarrassing. Terry Jones of the Edmonton Sun sums its up pretty well.



Thoughts? What else is there to say? There's so many goals NHL isn't even showing any other highlights from the game. There's a couple pretty ones in there too. It's as if Edmonton never really came back from the All-Star break. I wonder what they did over their vacation...

Roloson spent time with his kids....
Those two, uh, I dunno.

Either way, I hope the Sabres saved some goals for the rest of the roadie. Tonight in Calgary should be a good one. I'll mock them later this afternoon I guess.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Sabres V Oilers Pregame

hmmmm too soon?

So tonight the Sabres end their break with an epic run out West. 4 games, 6 nights, 5 defensemen. Suh-weet. Important to get this one, with games coming up at Calgary, at Phoenix, and at Anaheim, it's a pretty definining stretch.

While you were gone, Marc-Andre Gragnani was called up from Portland, yeah, he's that far down the depth chart. Yikes. Lindy says he wants Paetsch and Grags to get 12-13 minutes each, that's a lie. He'll be rolling Spacek, Butler, Lydman, and Rivet heavy tonight, expect over 25 minutes...each.

So that leaves Hank, Sekera, and Teppo all nursing injuries. Edmonton has Gagner, Pisani, and Stortini all out. Also out for the Sabres, legend Rick Jeanneret, who will be sitting out the west coast trip. Filling in? Long time Winnipeg Jets announcer Curt Keilback.

It'll be Miller and Roloson. Both teams are 7-3 thus far in January. Oilers 6th in the West with 51 points, Sabres 7th in the East with 53.

Evenly matched, evenly rested. Game on. Let's go Buff-a-lo.

Rumors are Just Rumors: End of January Edition

So all the trade rumor rage is still focused on Vinny Lecavalier, especially with his appearance in Montreal this past weekend. Like seriously Quebec? Seriously?

Puck Daddy with the hilarious image.

There really hasn't been much brewing round the trade rumor world other than that. Everyone knows the 40 year old men (Guerin, Weight, Tkachuk) that have been moved every year for the past decade will be traded once again, but who cares. We want the good shit, the ridiculous shit, the most asinine trade rumor you've ever heard.

Well, this isn't that, but it's still pretty damn funny. The combatants!


We have the Ducks of Anaheim (whom shall forever have the Disney logo in my mind) and my Buffalo Sabres, who apparently now are in on every big name out there. Well this isn't a big name, but he's definitely bad ass.



Bobby Ryan for Drew Stafford + Prospect (Tyler Myers)

Good Lord Tyler Myers is gigantic.

Anyways, Bobby Ryan is a 21 year old kid just makin' a splash now with the Ducks. He was drafted #2 behind Sid the Squid in 2005. Since his callup (31 games) he's got 15 goals and 15 assists. Pretty damn good. A solid winger who can play up front and has some moves.



Stafford, 23, has been in the league a couple years, and has shown flashes of brilliance and bouts of incompetency. Good in the corners, slick in the shootout, and with some decent hands, he's a prototypical 2nd line winger. He was the 13th pick in the 2004 draft.



Tyler Myers is huge, like Chara huge. 6'7" and playing hockey, Jesus. He played well for Canada at the WJC's and was the 12th pick in this past years draft.

WELL, OMG VANCE, WILL IT HAPPEN?!?

Of course not kids. Bobby Ryan is worth more to the Ducks than that. Granted they have Perry and Getzlaf, but Selanne ain't playing forever. This is another aspect of their offense they will need to keep. In a post-Burke era, defense will no longer be the only keystone of the Ducks play. Numbers-wise, the two guys probably project to similar stats (Ryan will undoubtably be more, but I'm not sure of his defensive play), which the Ducks will need to focus on.

Which leads me to my next point, using the handy dandy nhlnumbers chart, every single member of the Ducks D-corps, except Chris Pronger, is a free agent. The only reason this would work is that the Ducks are so cash strapped and light on defense they pounce at the chance of a high end D-man in Myers. Otherwise this is a complete and utter steal for the Sabres, and if this is the offer? I'd take it.

But hey, as we all know, rumors are just rumors.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Critiquing the Critics: SI's Michael Farber & Friends

I swear in time, probably after work, I'm going to put up an epic rant against these blowhards.

Abstract: These asshats are supposed to be promoting the game, yet instead of featuring what was going well during the weekend, they were badmouthing the game, the skills, Detroit, and every iota of minutia they possibly could have. And it pissed me off. It's one thing to take the league to task, when they deserve it (like suspensions), but this is supposed to be a showcase, not a "let's all jump on the NHL is a terrible league" bandwagon.

I promise, later. If you care. You don't, I know, but I like to think you do.

---------------------------------------

Alright, this is Farber's article. Yeah, Michael "Look I am a stupid asshole who covers, but apparently hates, the NHL" Farber.

Now he starts off saying that many players declined to play. We all know that no, Hossa, Zetterberg, et al, didn't say no, they made other plans. Other plans? Hossa's filming a commercial, things like that. They didn't stick their collective noses at the system, when they found out they weren't selected by the NHL competition committee, they made vacation plans, makin' money plans, or resting plans. His implication that they just didn't want to go? Wrong.

And he takes them to task for suspending those Wings. I think they're asses should've been suspended. This is an event for the fans, and corporate ass kissers, to see the best of the best. These pansies faked (?), feigned (?), claimed that they had injuries and passed. Datsyuk and Lidstrom deserved to sit. It should be an honor to join your compatriots in Montreal, not a burden. Hell, winning another car should be incentive enough. Hell, I'd get a whole bunch of sticks signed and sell that shit on eBay. Genius. Farber? He pisses and moans that the NHL choose policy over common sense, well, no shit Farber. Why one game against the effing Blue Jackets is seemingly more important than the showcase of NHL Superstars is far beyond me, stupid mainstream media.

Of course, the NHL can't emulate basketball because hockey, like football, can turn farcical without intensity. So, Groundhog Day starts again.


This straight pisses me off. The NHL is heads and shoulders above the NBA. Listening to Savvy while he was mic'd up, now that guy sounds like a gracious, funny guy.



Now let's compare that to say, NBA "Star" Josh Howard.



Can we compare the two? Who would you rather have a beer with? Yeah, I thought so. Farber, don't ever, ever, ever, mention the farce that is the NBA in the same context as the NHL. How can any average middle-American relate to any player the NBA?

What's the difference between the NBA game and NHL game? No defense, all offense, showcasing the offensive talents of the players in the game. Care to compare Malkin's trick goal to say Dwight Howard's "superman" dunk? Seems like it's a helluva lot harder to skate, position yourself, make a sick move, and then beat the goalie than jumping in the air. Maybe that's just me, but Farber saying the NBA all-star game is better is ludicrous.

Now we all know the NHL has its problems, we all know the All-Star weekend should be tweaked a bit. But why does it have to mean anything? What really pisses me off about the SI bit is there is only a single article, posted today at Noon, which praises the game for what it was. Every single article prior to the game actually occuring, badmouthed it. With the NHL "struggling" in this economy, why is the mainstream hockey media knocking the game during its most visible time frame, when it should be pimping it to its hundreds of thousands of readers? It's just plain bad form to badmouth the game that feeds your family, its bad form to knock the game that you supposedly cover.

See these are real articles
, enjoying the weekend for what it is, a fan showcase. Farber, you seem to like pissing me off.

Critiquing the Critics: Part Douche...TSN Power Rankings

Now one would think, and one is usually right to assume, that Canadian sports juggernauts such a TSN would USUALLY be intelligent enough when it comes to the NHL. TSN is one of my first sources for any information NHL related. ESPN and hockey is like Micheal J. Fox and Jenga...they don't mix.

The most recent Power Ranking for the NHL were released today, and are nothing short of a mockery, and I laughed out-loud when I saw they had the Buffalo Sabres 18th...and the Penguins 17th. I would love to hear the reasoning behind that one. Vance's team just don't get no R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Aside from that, the top of the rankings there can't be much debate, however I see the Flyers, and Capitals as better teams than the Blackhawks and Devils. Spots 10-20 though is just a cluster *uck and pure example of just how many knee jerky and reactionary assclowns write for TSN. You're telling me that Columbus, Vancover, Florida, Edmonton, Minnesota, and Anaheim are all better than the Rangers and Sabres? Have you been WATCHING any games? And what about giving Phoenix some props? Jesus, I'm surprised Montreal isn't #1 ever since Kovalev won those huge 2 pts for the East Sunday...

Unfortunately, their usual 1 to 2 liners summing up why each team is in their respective rank was left out and instead they added categories for each teams MVP, Norris, Vezina, Selke, and Calder awards. What's the point of even having a Vezina category? Aside from maybe 5 or 6 teams in the NHL, just about everyone has a consistent starting goaltender. Giguere the Ducks Disappointment...yet an All-Star? Who cares about Braydon Coburn...why isn't Debbie Briere their disappointment...I don't give a shit about injuries, he forgot his talent in the Sabres locker room when he picked up that nice paycheck. Just a retarded waste of space and a retarded article. I'd rather Sportscenter waste another 10 minutes of my life telling me about how much Avery loves handjobs...I mean handbags.

Caption Contest!

Not really.

Buuttttttttttttttttttttttttttt...



What is Ovechkin seeing/oogling at here? Puck Daddy knows, he was there.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

For Alex Kovalev: Vindication

I'll expound on my thoughts here tomorrow a little bit. But you have to feel good for the guy. After every single writer, prognosticator, faceless blogger, asshole blogger (me) and fan said he didn't belong at the All-Star game, he goes out and performs. Pots 2 goals and an assist, clutch in the shootout, and brings home the MVP.

Alex Kovalev, congratulations.

What's cooler than winning a new Honda Ridgeline? Donating the proceeds of selling that Honda Ridgeline to charity. See we know that Kovy only flies everywhere he goes, he doesn't need some retarded looking truck. Cause straight ballers fly, like John Travolta.



Also, uhhhhh, is this fake?

Live Blog/Chat: NHL All Star Game

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Early Thoughts on Super Skills: Ovie Wins

  • Who is Michelle LaCroix (sp?) and why the hell was she butchering AC DC before the start? I've never heard such a shitaeous rendition of AC DC in my life (and I've seen a lot of cover bands).
  • Organ guy = creepy guy.
  • Since when is Jay Bouwmeester a fast skater?
  • Not really impressed with the shots in breakaway challenge. It bordered more on totally lame than totally sweet. Some of the things were awesome, St. Louis', Getzlafs'.
  • Who let Steven Stamkos into Montreal, let alone participate in the challenge?
  • Ovechkin, you let me down. Albeit hilarious. Kinda. OK, it was kinda patronizing. But atleast he's making a show of it.
  • Atleast now Pens fans won't be all like OMG Malkin and Ovechkin hate each other, see, Malkin gave him his hat, it's just how he plays!
  • Pat LaFontaine = class act all the way.
  • Carey Price = 9 goals? Hilarious. Love seeing a Bruin get the MVP of that lil game of shinny in Montreal.
  • Can't say the Freshman really had more talent, they had Pekke Rinne.
  • I could do better than Matt Iseman at his job.
  • I didn't vote for the "Scotiabank Breakaway Challenge" winner, but apparently the 2 stick epic fail worked for the folks in the Bell Centre.
  • Savvy's a passer...Savvy's a passer.
  • They need to move these guys back 5 feet, 2 4 for 4's so far. Heater and Shrek.
  • Malkin's ugly, but he's damn good at hockey.
  • Good Lord, Malkin. "He come to me before challenge. He said help me, I want win. And he win"
  • Souray vs. Chara: Who wins? I gotta go with Chara.
  • Mark Streit looks high. That's funny.
  • DAMN! Shea Weber 103.4! That's impressive as hell. Souray with 102.3, close no cigar. Chara....105.4!!!! Jesus Christ!
  • Chara's a big softie, yeah, we're all that surprised about it.
Elimination Shootout. The coolest part.
  • I'm rooting for Parise here annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd he's out. Dammit.
  • Shea Weber = robbed by Chara, robbed by Backstrom.
  • Wow, if Backstrom would've got hurt diving back after Neidermeyer's shot, how pissed would Lemaire have been?
  • I love it, 3 Dmen in a row beat King and Backstrom.
  • Vanek = PWND
  • Streit hit the sign, man that's too funny.
  • The sound of that ting on Bouwmeester's roofer was awesome.
  • Getzlaf made Thomas look like an asshole and it was fantastic.
  • But Tim Thomas fell in his own crease! BWAHAHAHAHA.
  • Think it's thrown so Kovalev makes it to the finals?
  • Doaner, Niedermeyer, Souray, Chara, Savvy, Marleau, Vanek, Hejduk, Bouwmeester, Modano, Getzlaf, and Kovalev move on.
  • Chara's made the coolest move of the night! But doesn't score.
  • HAHAHA Savvy talks while on his way down, loses it, then scores. And bad mouths his coach!
  • Hejduk just posterized Thomas, this is fun.
  • I think the Elimination is the best part of the night so far.
  • Only 6 left: Savvy, Niedermeyer, Getzlaf, Marleau, Doaner, and Hejduk.
  • I like Savvy, seems like a real nice guy.
  • Hejduk pulls the vaunted Iceland Triple Deke, nails it.
  • Savvy, Doaner, and Hejduk.
  • No one scores, gotta go again! Now this is real fun.
  • Let's go again! The suspense is killin me!
  • Dooooooooaner.
  • Tim Thomas puts his glove 5 hole on Savard after he goes 5 hole multiple times, that's too funny.
  • Finals: Doaner and Savvy. Two guys who's nicknames I like.
  • Doaner gets the W! Now that seems like a real down to earth dude.
We'll that does it for me. To recap.

As expected, Cogliano is the fastest skater. Ovechkin the "trick shot" winner. Frosh's better than the sophomores. Malkin has skills. Chara is a beast. and Doaner is straight cash money.

I'm thinkin a potential live chat for the game tomorrow? Anyone else?

Our Prayers go out to Garret Klotz

We here are a lighthearted bunch, but this is pretty awful.

Garret Klotz of the Philadelphia Phantoms, after a fight, began convulsing on the ice. It wasn't due to hitting his head on the ice or anything, just an ugly situation.

We here at BanginPanger hope everything turns out OK for him.

Friday, January 23, 2009

O Captain, My Captain.

In honor of it being All-Star weekend, and showcasing the best talent the NHL has to offer, I figured we could take a look 30 NHL Captains. Some of them may not be the most "talented" players and you might not find them in the All-Star game Sunday, but most of these players have ability to lead their teams by example whether it's on or off the ice. Winning teams don't just need great talent, they need great leaders...just ask Ottawa how that's working out. So here's the list, in alphabetical order:

  • Ducks - Scott Niedermayer
  • Thrashers - Ilya Kovalchuk
  • Bruins - Zhedno Chara
  • Sabres - Craig Rivet
  • Flames - Jarome Iginla
  • Hurricanes - Ugly man (Brind'Amour)
  • Blackhawk - Jonathan Toews
  • Avalanche - Joe Sakic
  • Blue Jackets - Rick Nash
  • Stars - Brenden Morrow
  • Red Wings - Nick Lidstrom
  • Oilers - Ethan Moreau
  • Panthers - noooobody
  • Kings - Dustin Brown
  • Wild - Mikko Koivu
  • Canadians - Saku Koivu/Alex Kovalev
  • Predators - Jason Arnott
  • Devils - Jamie Langenbrunner
  • Islanders - Billy Guerin
  • Rangers - Chris Drury
  • Sens - Daniel Alfredsson
  • Flyers - Mike Richards
  • Coyotes - Shane Doan
  • Penguins - Sidney Crosby
  • Sharks - Patrick Marleau
  • Blues - Eric Brewer
  • Lightning - Vincent Lecavlaier
  • Leafs - Mats Sundin's Ghost
  • Canucks - Luongo
  • Caps - Chris Clark

So after looking of this list, I have to pose the obvious question. Which of the guys would you want leading your team? When you're team needs a lift, needs that game tying goal, who do you go to? What makes the Perfect Captain? I have to say my choice would be hands down Jarome Iginla. He scores, he leads, he fights, he's black...I mean badass.

Now THESE are real captains...minus the guy playing for the Lightning.



Iginla, Shane Doan, Niedermayer, Joe Sakic, Chris Clark, Lidstrom. I think those are some of the best Captains in the game today...even if Sakic doesn't return. I wouldn't dare argue for Crosby on that list, he's not there yet. He leads by example on the ice talent wise, but for one, he wouldn't be the player I'm looking to carry the team to victory...how bout Malkin if he could speak English? Plus the bitching and moaning Crosby does at times takes away from his elite...captainess? Whatever, it's a word now.

Luongo being a Captain to me is joke. He can't be vocal on the bench, he won't talk to the refs...the only thing he can do is lead in net..but what if it's 6-5 with 3:00 left in Game 7? Luongo can't score that goal. Goalies shouldn't be Captains.

Why isn't Jay Bouwmeester Captain of the Panthers yet? And poor Toronto...they still think Sundin is coming back :'(

With the "New" NHL however, we see a lot of the younger guys getting the C slapped on their jerseys. It's the new trend. This year alone, Dustin Brown(24), Mike Richards(23), and Jonathan Toews(20) all were named Captain of their respective teams. Add in Crosby and Mikko Koivu and you have 5 C's on 25 and under dude sweats. My bet would be Getzlaf (23) gets the C of the Ducks next year after Niedermayer retires and I'm sure Ovechkin will be getting that C very soon someday.

Anyways, I just wanted to offer up some kudos to the men that lead our teams into battle every night, I can't touch on all of them cause well...that's a long fn post. Even if your guy didn't make into the All-Star game...who cares...come playoff time, if you're lucky enough to have on of those top notch Captains leading the way, I'd say you already have a pretty good advantage.

Sam Bradford: Vancouver Canuck?

One last thing before the weekend, which undoubtably will feature like 2 posts at best. Sorry.

TSN.CA has this article about Sam Bradford, yeah, the Heisman Trophy winning QB from Oklahoma, and his desire to play hockey at an early age.

"It's kind of weird because hockey's not a big sport down here in the south but it's something I really got into when I was young,'' Bradford told CKNW News Talk 980 in Vancouver.
Hey Sam. No shit.

"I remember trying to convince my parents to move to Vancouver. I thought it was the best decision for me and my family but they didn't see me eye-to-eye on that," laughed Bradford.

I don't care who you are, that's funny.
"I was a big Pavel Bure fan and I would watch all the Don Cherry Rock 'Em Sock 'Em tapes,'' he said in the radio interview. ''For some reason I just picked out Bure as my favorite player so I just started following the Canucks."
Hey give him credit, he knows what he's talking about.

He goes on to say he'd love to participate in a celebrity hockey game sometime, which I'm sure his future NFL franchise will be absolutely pleased about. Either way, how can you not like a kid who dreamed of playin' hockey while tearing up the gridiron.

Bradford would join Richard Park as the 2 kind-of Asian guys in the NHL.

See I Told You So: Now They're Suspended

Not only are they bitches, now they're suspended.

Ladies and gentleman, Gary Bettman has pulled the ultimate power trip and followed through with his threat to suspend players who don't show for All-Star festivities when they've been selected. Crosby is participating in all off-ice events, Lidstrom and Datsyuk? No shows. Bang. Suspended.

From TSN.ca

The NHL says it will enforce an understanding that all players who decline to show after being named to the All-Star teams must miss at least one game before or one game after the All-Star weekend.

NHL vice-president Colin Campbell said that the league pushed for the rule because too many players were skipping the game without good reason.


Well there you go. Tell me that's not the most ridiculous thing you've ever seen. That little gnome is serious about selling the game. Hell this thing is being televised in Mexico for God's sakes. Man, this is funny.

Not a big deal though, Detroit plays Columbus first game back.

Quick Question

Did everyone get an email from the NHL customized to their team favorites today? The subject line was "Watch Vanek during the NHL All Star Weekend on Versus." I get emails from the Sabres/NHL based on online purchases and maybe some newsletters.

Just for my curiousity, I wonder if they made a bunch of customized emails based on team preference. I'm assuming they did. Denson, did you get one with the Pens on there? Did anyone else?

Top 10 Shootout Goals So Far

From TSN via Kukla's Korner



Tell me, Wolski's goal, does it not look like Turco is trying to castrate him? I mean, a skate to the junk will lop that puppy off. Just sayin. (1:50 mark)

Datsyuk = Nasty (pansy)
Ribeiro = Douche

He'd Hit That

I had a bangin picture saved on my laptop at home, but naturally, I can't find it at work. But believe you me, Mrs. Alina Frolov was all over the place.

Alex Frolov, if you'd recall, has been a very productive player out in the drudges of LA, putting up 20 goals so far this year and with a career high of 35 in 06-07. The 26 year old was drafted in 2000, 20th overall, straight outta Mother Russia.

That's where we can only assume he met Alina. Not to be stereotypical, but isn't she just the prototype, stereotypical Russian Blonde. Congratulations Alexander.

Now we know Lil Jon is a hockey fan, he's at Kings' and Trashers' games all the time. I think this particular picture must've been taken during the lockout season judging by the fruity Moscow Dynamo scarf. But I'm not sure what Lil Jon is doin there, but you know, he'd hit that.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Crosby OUT, St. Louis IN for All-Star Game

A little bit of breaking news per NHL.com. Sidney Crosby has decided to sit out of the all-star game this coming weekend due to his tweaked kneegina. He also took a slap shot to the wrist during his first shift against the Canes on Tuesday.

Kinda sucks cause it would have been cool to see him play in the skills comp and such, but he's doing it so he can rest and hopefully help the Pens make a playoff push the second half of the season. I would care more if Crosby, Malkin, Ovechkin were the starting line...but we all know what happened there.

As far as his replacement, St. Louis, I was going to argue against it, but it's the All-Star game...actually you know what...effin Krecji should be there. Who gives a shit if 3 Bruins are on the team. They're the best team in the East if not the NHL, they deserve it. Why should Tampa get 2 all-stars? How hard is it to lead your team in scoring in Tampa anyways. Krejci =



- Denson

Now this is Vance, I want to pose a question. Since 1 of the 5 entrants in the breakaway challenge is going to be absent from the competition, is the NHL scrambling to add another to the festivities? Kane, Kovalev, Getzlaf, Ovechkin, and ????? Do you think they'll add someone or just let it go?

I would say Datsyuk, but yeah, he bailed too. I'd have to say Malkin, Toews, or Hejduk. What do you think?

In Honor of All Star Weekend

One of the more prominent memories of recent all star games.

Owen Nolan calls his shot.



Fantastic. Hasek got posterized. How hoes that Nolan still play hockey?

Goat of the Week: Detroit Red Wings

Today's Thursday right? OK, a goat. Hmmm. thinking back, it's been a rather uneventful week of douchbaggery in the league. I can only think of a couple.

1. Artyukhin's 2 Game Suspension: No-name player who's name I had to look up to spell right. Inconsequential.
2. Don Cherry - Ron Wilson Feud: Who cares?
3. Briere's Groin - He's already joined Gaborik and Havlat as punchlines.
4. McGuire - Milbury Feud: Talked about it already, it was probably staged, who cares.
5. Phaneuf's hit last night: It was just RJ Umberger, he gets facialed once a year.

But there is one that pissed me off. The Detroit Red Wings will no longer have any representation at the NHL All Star Game this weekend. Yes, I know the game is already a joke. We all know it's one big joke. Hardy effing har. But now, one of the top three teams in the league, the defending cup champions, won't have a single player representative in the exhibition.

But how can this be? Checking back to their game on Tuesday, one can't help but notice, THEY WERE ALL IN THE LINEUP. Give me a break you pansies. It's not as if you're going to get hurt skating at 20% speed.

Datsyuk: Out. If by hip pointer you mean sprained vaginal wall, then yes.
Lidstrom: Out. An upper body injury...nice. Ambiguous injury. Clearly a pansy.

But the replacements? Stephane Robidas? What?!? Over Rafalski? How convenient for the Wings health! And Marleau? Sure fine, he's deserving. Personally, I would've picked Hossa or Zetterberg over him, but you know, whatever, gotta keep the defending Champs healthy right?

Even Sidney Crosby, whom as we all know I loathe, has refuted the doctors wishes and will join the game, just to be a part of it. Kudos to him for that. UPDATE:: CROSBY'S A DAMN PANSY TOO.

Apparently the Red Wings have a gentleman's agreement with Bettman that no one has to represent Detroit in the all star game, we have to see what garbage St. Louis and the Isles have to offer, but don't get to see any Wings. Nice. Conspiracy Theories.....now.

You wankers. You join an illustrious company, full of the best of the best, like Eklund, Sean Avery, and Matt Stajan.

One can only hope karma bites you in the ass. High ankle sprains around!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Teamwork is the Key!



See you can accomplish anything when you put your mind to it!

That damn Semin, gettin' Ovechkin in allllll kinds of trouble. But then we see him hangin out with another Rooskie, Andrei Markov. STiD city.

Ovie, damn man, FUGS. And those pants, who are you trying to look like? Fred Durst? God, you're so drunk you probably got raped that night. And Markov? Cute tank top and bucket cap, you twat. You look gayer than Tobey McGuire in Spiderman 3. You're deeper in the closet than Tom Cruise. Unoriginal? Maybe, but it's damn true, dammmmmmmnnnnnnnnn true.

Haven't Done Any of These for a While

I hate pun-ny headlines. They're stupid. Look Philadelphia starts with Ph, so any word that starts with F, let's change that to Ph! Philadelphia Ph-lies to the Win! Phightin Phils! ASSHOLES.

Anyway, I like pickin' on major sports sites for stupid link names and headlines.

Thanks ESPN, for combining 2 completely unrelated entities, the Dallas Stars and Sidney Crosby. Wow, nice editing. Oh nevermind, you don't even cover hockey anymore, whatever.
1. A vote of confidence is going to kill Barry Trotz? That doesn't make any sense.
2. Gaborik smells. Gaborik just read that and strained his groin.
3. I'm not sure what that even means. Gretzky is a hobo?
4. The Devils have a boner. Brendan Shanahan does not, since he's old, get it, old people can't get chubbies? Yeah, I guess it's a rumor or something.
5. I clicked on that last one cause I had to know what the hell he was talking about. Article Tagline? "That's the noise distraught Canadian hockey fans hear as their game heads south." Oh STFU.

A Tale of the Lightning

It will take 3 pictures, I swear it.

June 20th, 2008

June 24th, 2008
January 20th, 2009


What a joke. Marty St. Louis deserves better. I would say Vinnie too, but he signed an 11 year deal, that's close to DiPietro territory.

Sabres play in St. Petersburg tonight, been around that arena before, not in it, just around it. Any arena surrounded by overpasses is scary to me, it was scary, like hobos and crackhead scary. Not even kidding. Maybe later I'll add some worthy hockey related things here, maybe not.

Oh yeah, their mascot is a "thunderbug," I guess that's like a lightning bug, but not at all. His eyebrows are kinda creepy. Mascot fail.

OK here's some game related info...

On Monday night, due to plane issues (the pilot actually drove from Miami to Ft. Lauderdale to get a new plane, flew it to Miami, then flew to Tampa), the Sabres didn't get into St. Petersburg until 4:15 am. So Lindy gave them off and they had a team building exercise. What did they do?

Paintball. They played paintball. Awesome. How Connolly didn't get hurt we'll never know.

So today was their first time on ice since the game in Sunrise and I'm sure a stirring game of paintball, and what happens? Pominville high sticks Rivet and he leaves the morning skate. He got stitched up and should be good to go.

Miller vs. Mike Smith.

Tocchet said this when asked if Steven Stamkos has been taking good notes while sitting in the Presser lately, "It’s not like he’s up there watching the Lightning girls!". Well Rick, we know you would be.

<

I sure as hell would be. (except for the Fugly girl frozen at the beginning, I'm not sure what's up with that, the first 10 seconds are worth it, trust me.)

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Gloriously Epic Junior Fight



A battle royale between the Halifax Wolverines and Summerside Western Capitals. Also features Superman, seriously, Superman.

Would You Spend $100?


These are obviously pretty old, just based on the jerseys. Ovechkin's costs 60. Crosby's costs 90. Is an anime Sidney Crosby worth that?
What about the carbonite Crosby? Is that worth $110? Or is it as retarded as I think it is.

Rumors are just Rumors: The Vinny Edition

Well it's time for the 2nd entry into this here featurette. Now nothing spectacular has been thrown about lately, some side deals and minor roster adjustments. Nothing that is going to bring down the house.

Kyle Calder back to Chicago, Dallas, or Nashville
Jere Lehtinen to New Jersey
Ed Jovanoski to Rags

Then of course there's the big one rolling through NHL circles: the Vinny Lecavalier sweepstakes.


I've heard 2 equally egregious rumors, one just today, both involving Mr. Lecavalier.


The first involves Les Habs.



A signed Mike Komisarek, Chris Higgins, and Kyle Chipchura


Andrei Markov, Tomas Plekanec, and P.K. Subban

Is bringing the Prodigal Son home that important to Montreal? They're either losing their top puck moving blue liner, or top shutdown man, plus a 2 way forward and a high end prospect.
That is a huge price to pay for a man, especially with such a hefty contract.

Here's why this really won't work for the Habs. At the end of this season, four of their top forwards will be UFAs. One assumes, Lang is gone and perhaps Tanguay as well. Kovalev and Koivu would resign. Yet if they get Lecavalier, that young talent that would make up the rest of the trade, would be very hard to replace. Then they become Tampa North, except with some defense and a goalie.

The 2nd involves the Flyers.


Braydon Coburn, James vanRiemsdyk, Claude Giroux, and a pick.

Now this just came from Eklund this afternoon. Are you freaking kidding me? A developing, dominant blue liner, with as much upside as talent in Coburn. 2 top end prospects in vanRiemsdyk and Giroux, and a top 3 round pick. Unbelievable! People pay this guy.

"That is what it will take" is what he says. I say bullshit it takes much, much more. You can't take on that much more salary with only giving up about 3 million, if that, with these kids. They'd have to dump salary to even get close to bringing Vinny on. With a decreasing salary cap all of a sudden the Flyers can afford a 1a, 1b, 1c, and 1d center? 4 centers each making over 5 million bucks, HA! Please, give me a break. This one is just asinine.

So Habs fans, is that too much to get a real Francophone back to Canada? Flyers fans, would you do it?
 
Fact: BanginPanger is not meant as an insult to the one and only Darren Pang, nor do I claim to be him. The views and opinions presented on BanginPanger are of my own, and no other namesake of the site, the NHL, Buffalo Sabres, Washington Capitals, or anyone else.