Tuesday, November 24, 2009

How To Not Market Your Team: Part 1

We all know the plight of some teams; it can be bad. But when you can't even market your own players to your fans, God, that's rock effing bottom. Oh wait, no, when you market Andrea effing Bocelli, that's even lower. Wait, who the hell is Andrea Bocelli? Is he like a non-Jew hating Ronan Tynan? Too soon?

Anyways, so I was browsing around the interwebs this afternoon, wasting time before I could officially start enjoying the Thanksgiving holiday (and get ready for tomorrow's Sabres/Caps tilt), then it happened; Panthers.nhl.com. What a mistake that turned out to be, what a marketing fail. I can't stand shit like this.

I can't help but notice how you're advertising PLAYERS THAT AREN'T EVEN ON YOUR OWN TEAM. You've got a weak hockey market? Sidney Crosby ain't gonna sell tickets, doesn't matter, apathy is a bitch.

But you know what will sell tickets? $1 Hot Dogs. You know what won't sell seats? Andrea Bocelli. You want big ole southern asses fillin' seats (no offense...well, kinda)? $2.50 Drafts. You know who'd rather have the $1 hot dogs and $2.50 drafts? Fatty Phil Kessel, good thing he'll be there on Nov. 27th!

I'm glad your nosebleeds tickets cost as much as a beer Sunrise, FL, but let's try to be run like an actual franchise here. Like maybe the Bruins, or the Wings (debatable I know), the Sabres, the Flyers, I could go on...so I will...God, you're even being out done by the Islanders.

This is your warning Florida, next we'll probably see them release a 3rd jersey that is just a rip off of a bunch of previous designs and color schemes. Oh wait, that happened? Ugh, you suck.

(By the way, seriously click on the Flyers link, it might be the internet's largest bukkake of all time)


Mauvais gardien de but said...

Oh my god, that's the saddest marketing I've ever seen. At least get the Three Tenors before you start bragging about it.

Seriously, why is there hockey in Florida? I don't get it.

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Fact: BanginPanger is not meant as an insult to the one and only Darren Pang, nor do I claim to be him. The views and opinions presented on BanginPanger are of my own, and no other namesake of the site, the NHL, Buffalo Sabres, Washington Capitals, or anyone else.