Friday, October 16, 2009

Virtual Catalog? More Like SMIRTUAL CATALOG?!?

AMIRITE?!? Anyways, the NHL released their "virtual catalog" unto the world this week. That means, we get to rip apart the ludicrous fashion faux pas that make the world go round.

Ok, well in reality, I just wanted to make fun of the new "Ice Flirt" jerseys, aimed at the Puck Bunny screaming "I WANNA DO YOU PLAYER X, I WANNA HAVE YOUR CHILDREN PLAYER Y, I SWALLOW PLAYER Z!" down the section from you. Looking at you Carrot. But what the hell is with these things.

So here's the jersey that I just don't understand. If a woman really needs the slim fit or feminine cut or whatever the hell that is called, then fine, whatever, it's still essentially the same jersey. But this, this is all wrong.

What is with the seatbelt across the chest? Isn't one of the redeeming qualities of a hockey jersey is its symmetry? WTF is up with that slanty, glittery line?

Oh and the writing on the ass? Why not just right "JUICY" and get it over with?

Oh whatever, no body will end up buying these anyways. But to the female readers, I implore you, buy a normal jersey, with a normal name, and none of this nonsense. No"two-toned nylon dazzle." No "silver gel and retro-glitter screenprint." Just a jersey. K THX.
Fact: BanginPanger is not meant as an insult to the one and only Darren Pang, nor do I claim to be him. The views and opinions presented on BanginPanger are of my own, and no other namesake of the site, the NHL, Buffalo Sabres, Washington Capitals, or anyone else.