Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Photo Gallery: The Worst Hockey Tattoo's in North America
I've happened upon what might be the funniest set of self-deprecating pictures on the web, user submitted hockey tattoo's to The Hockey News...because nothing says "fan" like mad ink. But in this case, we're going to showcase the worst of the worst, the saggiest of the saggy, and the hairiest legs you've seen since you last left Alberta.
So which one is the worst? I think they're all equally terrible in their own ways. Really, a portrait of Jeremy Roenick? Is that seriously an amusement park caricature of Mark Messier? Is that really a beaver across your back? A pregnant Winnie the Pooh?
How high are these people when they get these done? Yoda? YODA?
If you are the owner of one of these beasts, please, PLEASE, post in the comments. I really, really want to make fun of you.
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The only half-decent one is MAYBE MAYYYYYYBE the rangers one.
Actually I take that back, I wouldn't want a whole skyline with a Rangers logo taking up my whole arm.
I mean, there were a lot of just generic logo tattoos that simply weren't worth the giant effort to upload, but sweet lil baby Jesus, these are pathetic.
Haha the cartoon Messier is my favorite.
Anything Jeremy Roenick is uber gay.
the messier has the dates wrong. he wasnt there from 1991 through 2006.
also how does that sabres tat feel now that they dont use the logo anymore?
The best part of the Sabres tat is that it's actually backwards...technically the Goat head goes the other way. I guess it doesn't really matter but it's still completely laughable
Milhouse in net is pretty solid.
I actually like the Milhouse one too, and figured it was worth a posting or else it would be lost to internet oblivion.
Hey, Mr. Vance, did you really say Goat head re: the Sabes logo? I hope that's some joke I'm not getting, because I'm pretty sure that's a buffalo, you know, like the city they play in?
I also think the rangers/WTC one is pretty solid and Millhouse is funny, although I'd never want that tattoo'd on me...
Now the Messier caricature, that's just ridiculous. I like that the quote for "Captain is opened, but never closed.
Good Lord. This makes the hockey furry pictures look like child's play. What the hell is wrong with these people.
I, as a Sabres fan, classify the 3 generations of Sabres logos as the Crossed Swords, the Goat Head, and the Slug.
Yes, in fact I do realize it is a Buffalo. Must be yours.
Man, Roy's 33 on that guys back has to be one of the dumbest tats I've seen in a really long time. It's he AVS lettering too. It's safe to say that Roy will always be remembered as a Canadian.
"Hey, why do you have a tat of a cat juggling blue maple leaves?"
"Uh... well, it's for this Leafs goalie I used to like but isn't such a big deal any more."
"Toskala?"
"No, another one."
"Raycroft?"
"No, another one."
"Belfour?"
"No, another one."
"Cujo?"
"No, another one."
"Bester?"
"Oh for fuck's sake it was Felix Potvin."
"I thought he played for the Kings?"
"No, that was after he played for Vancouver."
"He went from Toronto to Vancouver?"
"No, he went from Toronto to the Islanders. Then the Canucks, then the Kings."
"Wow, so he ended up playing for 4 teams."
"Five actually, he went to Boston after LA."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
*awkward silence*
"Um... sweet tat."
One is I'm an owner of one of these tattoos and I guess the beauty of it is all in the eye of the beholder. Second I think both the Lightning and Flames tattoos are really nice and depicts both team logo and colors.
a) I'm glad you're taking it all in jest. We really mean no harm.
b) The Lightning tatt gets an inclusion in the gallery due to Florida's unique resemblance to a hangin' Tom Johnson.
c) The Flames get an inclusion since it looks like they decided to get it immediately after crashin' on their hog.
d) Tom = Genius
the milhouse tattoo is mine. ive got a bunch of simpsons tattoos. i never thought it was shitty. so i dunno what to say to you. go flyers.
Just gonna keep us in the dark huh, addicted to ink. Not gonna lay claim to which tattoo, specifically, is yours?
I posted this over at Puck Daddy, but it's worth it here, especially since we have Justin over here. But, your's is by far the best of the bunch, and rather than wallow in internet forum obscurity/oblivion, we put it out there.
What other Simpsons tatt's do you have? Tell me it's a Bart Mighty Pigs jersey...
haha nah but thats the name of my roller hockey team. i cant find a link to our jerseys. ive got itchy and scratchy (https://www.sellmystuff.com.au/_resource/image/classified/242310/A6E95263-FFB5-F6FE-7EE1E9944A5346DE_98.jpg)
and the stonecutters logo.
prolly gettin more soon.
Ok the Yoda on just confuses me.
I still think the Winnie the Pooh is the worst.
The Millhouse one is awesome. The Maple Leafs one is awful...it must have been drawn by one of his kids. And the Felix one (I'm assuming its for Felix Potvin) is just hilarious considering he's out of the league and was down on his way out. I have tons of tattoos and some of these are just piss poor!
What exactly is wrong with the NYR sleeve with the tribute to the WTC?? The guy is a regular poster at hfboards and we pretty much unanimously raved about the work ...
Oh, boy. This is tough. Worst is probably the "Broadstreet Bullies" Flyers one because it looks like it was drawn by a 6th grader or Napoleon Dynamite.
Runner up is the goofy-looking Messier. It cracks me up.
The Milhouse one is cool. It doesn't deserve to be here with these mistakes.
@ Scotty,
You can probably lump this one into the same boat as the Milhouse tat, it's not bad per se, but I thought it would be worthwhile to post, because it definitely should be seen.
Apparently I need to put together a best of the best hockey tattoo gallery.
If only there was this much participation for the Dialogue It posts haha.
The lightning & 2nd Calgary tats look pretty bad.
My general rule is: "tattoos are personality replacements." Doesn't mean it applies to everyone, mainly to those of you who have barbed wire tattoos.
The NYR reminds me of the guy who does the KMFDM cover art. I think it deserves to be on there for one reason only: HUGE tattoos can end up being really bad life decisions.
For thegrimpond-I am the owner of the Mark Messier next to Jeremy Roenick. It is the photo from his book Messier and that photo is called the look. Got it when he retired. I did not grew up in the time of Orr or Hull but I did grew up watching Messier and he represents everything about hockey to me. I also have 3 other hockey tattoos. A Stanley Cup, NY Rangers logo and a Tampa Bay Lightning logo and non of my others are in this collection.
Enkidu, you know, I was thinkin' the same damn thing.
Addicted...How come the dual allegiances? A New York born Florida transplant?
You hit the nail on the head Vance. Life long Rangers fan moved to Florida in 95 and jumped on the Lightning wagon in 04. Enjoyed the ride so much became a full season ticket holder and still remain.
Whats with the tiger at the top?
Believe it or not...that's supposed to be a Boston Bruins 3rd logo (from back in the day I suppose). It's just terrible.
Personality replacements. Fucking gold.
the Gretzky one is by far the ugliest - I think I'd suggest amputation...
i think the NYR twin towers one is ok. it's professional. which is cool if you're a rangers fan
Tom... that was hilarious.
I actually think that these tattoos are awesome. They each mean something to those who got them. I mean cmon you may not like the winnie the pooh islander or the felix the cat/Potvin but they are unique and that makes these fans , true hockey fans. I think they are all cool:)
I just realized the Messier tattoo only uses one set of of quotation marks.
It looks like it goes "Captain.
It's possible it goes "C"aptain and the light blocks out the second set I guess, but either way, it's grammatically incorrect. Which is always a great idea when it comes to permanent body decoration.
Who knows where to download XRumer 5.0 Palladium?
Help, please. All recommend this program to effectively advertise on the Internet, this is the best program!
Man those are some crazy tattoos, but I dont care how much you like a team thats nuts! At least get a decent looking team tattoo.
Great post!
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