Wednesday, March 18, 2009

The All-Dirty Name Team

Dirty names are funny, remember that first time you read Mike Hunt or Mike Hock and realized exactly how funny that was. Maybe you just happen to be "legendary" NASCAR driver Dick Trickle, either way, hockey players have funny names too.

So here now I present to you, the first dirty name team.

Center

Oh, lord. Your last name is Legwand. Leg. Wand. Your childhood must have been hideous...ly hilarious. Not until I was browsing the rosters did I ever sit and realize quite how funny the last name Legwand truly is, phonetically speaking of course.

Left Wing
Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome your starting left wing, Ryan "The Master" Bayda! You see what I did there? I added master in front of his last name, so it sounds like masturbator. Oh come on, you know it was funny.

Right Wing
Probably the most obvious of our team (and most talented), literally sir, your last name is Semin. It doesn't get much dirtier than that. Semin. Semen. Hehe.

Defense
Yeah, Johnny "I would totally" Oduya starts here on the backline. Between his come hither stare and millions I don't know how the girls of Newark don't come crawling. Oh, you mean Johnny's not interested? Why? Oh yeah, cause they're Jersey Girls...and he goes by Johnny.

Playing right along side Johnny "You're so hideous I would never" Oduya would be Jeff "Magic" Finger. Whether from the backend or deep in the zone, Finger is always achin' to score. Also his last name is 3rd base. That's funny.

Goaltender
Yes, that's right. His last name is Johnson. It's yet another penis joke. But there aren't really many good dirty goalie names, at least none that aren't a stretch. Oh well, Johnson is funny, but only moderately better than Quick, DiPi, or Harding.

Honorable Mention
RW - Jordin Tootoo - Nashville Predators
LW - Alex Tanguay - Montreal Canadiens
C - Radek Bonk - Nashville Predators
Anyone else with the lastname Johnson or Peters

Prospects
D - Jonas Ahnelov - Phoenix Coyotes
RW - Tyler Shelast - Dallas Stars
LW - Ryan Dingle - Anaheim Ducks
D - Grant Clitsome - Columbus Blue Jackets
D - Thomas Hickey - LA Kings

Did I miss any names? Personally my favorite, by far, is Mr. Ahnelov, how hilariously awful is it that his last name looks, but may not sound, like anal love? Clitsome is a close second.

20 comments:

Spec7ral said...

Prospect: Shattenkirk.

James said...

Clitsome takes the award, hands down. Anyone who can live with clit in his name is awesome.

'Dude, you've been single for like 12 years! Don't you miss sex?'
'Come on, I NEVER run out of clit, look at my last name!'

Anonymous said...

He never made it to the NHL, but defenseman Mike PUDLICK, played for the Manchester Monarchs in the AHL for 2 seasons. There is another Kings prospect, Yutaka Fukufuji, who played four games for the Kings in the 06-07 season. I beleive he is now playing in the ECHL

Mike said...

No love for Cal Clutterbuck?

Big D Hockey said...

Not many dirty goalie names? Ron TUGNUTT! Seriously...How'd you miss THAT one. ;)

Vance said...

Current players Big D, Current!

Hence no pitlick, harry dick, or tugnutt!

Big D Hockey said...

Oh, man. I need to do a much better job at reading. Apologies! I loved the list, regardless...you did a fine job.

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