Thursday, February 12, 2009
Goat of the Week: Michael Phelps
We've all seen the Golden Boy (no, not Crosby) puffing away on that bong, which by the way, was being sold on ebay for over $100,000, what an enterprising young stoner. Well since Minor League Hockey is where creative Marketing Majors go to die, so too is where hilarious fan promotions are born.
Now we all know that stupid mouth-breather was bangin anything that walked since the Olympics. But in reality, the only way any self respecting girl would sleep with that butthisface (uhh, no homo?) involves so much weed and booze, and potentially roofies, that the broad doesn't even know where she is, let alone her own name, kinda like Girls Gone Wild but with Olympic athletes instead.
So the AHL's Milwaukee Admirals are uber-PWN-ing Phelps, with a "Don't Be Like Mike Night" scheduled for Thursday, the 19th, against the Rockford IceHogs. Freebies, cheap tickets, a chance for a team autographed Weed Whacker? This is comedic/marketing genius!
Plus, the team President is a total smart ass.
That PhotoShop took forever. But that's exactly how it remember that happening. We even started the USA chant at the bar, cause that's how we roll. But Michael Phelps, for shaming America, getting 8 college kids arrested, and being fodder for minor league hockey, you're our Goat of the Week.
Puck Daddy does it better.
Plus, the team President is a total smart ass.
“I, along with Nancy Reagan, want to encourage people to not do drugs,” said Admirals President Jon Greenberg. “As an organization the Milwaukee Admirals don’t condone or encourage the use of illegal drugs, including, but not limited to marijuana, or anabolic steroids for that matter.”Going? I sure as hell wish. Here's the marketing ploy:
- All Graduates of the D.A.R.E. Program, who somehow still have their "graduation" certifications (certificates of participation, the bane of little league sports) will get into the game for just 2 bucks. Kids, they're looking at you.
- This is even better, any person with the name Michael, Phelps, Mary Jane, Cheech, Chong, Weed (Wied) or anyone who has won an Olympic Gold Medal can also get their ticket for only $2. That's funny stuff. Knowing Milwaukee, 35% of males have the name Mike.
- The aforementioned team autographed Weed Whacker, donated by Ace Hardware. (See that plug, support USA business!). Both the men and women of Wisconsin would be interested in that.
- If the Admirals score at the 4:20 mark of any period, a lucky fan will win a season ticket for next year.
- So as to ensure that YOU don't end up like Mike, the team is offering up a paper shredder to destroy your own incriminating photos, tax evasions, kiddie porn, right there behind section 225.
That PhotoShop took forever. But that's exactly how it remember that happening. We even started the USA chant at the bar, cause that's how we roll. But Michael Phelps, for shaming America, getting 8 college kids arrested, and being fodder for minor league hockey, you're our Goat of the Week.
Puck Daddy does it better.
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3 comments:
Who gives a shit already? This story is ridiculous... Why does this make him the goat of the week? The guy worked his ass off for 20 some odd years and is currently the greatest Olympian in history -- what's wrong with relaxing and toking a lil' bit?
If anything, he's received tremendous support from many Americans who are lashing back against the conservative and over-scrutinized views of pot. Just look at the backlash that Kellog's received for dropping him...
Furthermore, while the Admirals are attempting to make fun of him and the issue, in reality, they're embracing the culture -- a goal scored at 4:20? People with the name "weed" get in for $2? Mocking the DARE program? (And I, as a 28 year old, actually still have my DARE certificate buried in my parents' closet)
Maybe I'm taking it all the wrong way and you're just having some fun with it, but it sounds to me like you just have a boner for Mike that you can't rub out, and it's making you cranky.
Now I wouldn't go so far as saying he's earned the right to toke a lil bit, since you know, we're all law abiding citizens here at BanginPanger.
The pro-pot backlash won't touch Kellogg's, people are gonna buy Frosted Flakes and Smacks! either way.
"There is a Facebook group with nearly 4,600 members calling for a boycott of all Kellogg's products, and the Marijuana Policy Project, the Drug Policy Alliance, Students for Sensible Drug Policy and the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws have also called for a boycott." OH NOOOOOO, not the Students for Sensible Drug Policy!!!!
Luckily though, Frito Lay is pumping out the Dorito's and Frito's to compensate.
As for Phelps, his drunk driving charge is worse than the bong hits, but you don't hear about that do you? He shouldn't be a major spokesmen either way.
But in reality, what we're trying to get across here, is in this economic environment, minor league teams are getting creative to draw in crowds. We're seeing all kinds of fun stuff in the NHL/AHL this year, the 10:00 million dollar goal by the Blackhawks, the Blues paying your mortgage for 4 months, etc. etc.
You call it mocking DARE, I say it's applauding the youth of America who've gone through the program, like yourself, and rewarding them with a discounted ticket to a fun-filled night in Milwaukee!
As for your final jab, whatevs. See http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g125/liannelo/duty_calls.png
now that final picture comment... now that's hilarious. good stuff.
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