Monday, February 16, 2009

5 Things I Hate About You

New feature, that I'll do when I feel like it. Like the Fan of the Week, except reasons why people hate certain teams. There's a lot of reasons we hate certain teams. Fans, players, rivalries, whatever. Well we're doin it up thataways. Starting alphabetical from the back. So, the Washington Capitals are up first.

Well, Denson already went through why Pens fans specifically hate the Capitals. I'm going to try to stay away from that Top 10 list as much as I can, but you know, until the Hershey Bears became the Caps affiliate, let alone moving to the area, I had no reason to like them at all. I'm going to try to remember those days.

5. Jaromir Jagr

Is this a serious photo?

Jagr is one of those universally hated guys. You just can't help it. You can admire his talent, you can awe at his quick release, his ability to protect the puck, whatever. But if you were playing against him, then you wanted nothing to do with him. Boo away. Enjoy your banishment to Russia.

4. Dale Hunter

Dale Hunter's prime was early in my childhood, but his name is always mentioned among some of the dirtier guys in the league. Universally despised or universally loved. When Hunter's number was retired by the Capitals, the organization presented him with a penalty box. He's amassed the 2nd most penalty minutes in NHL history with 3565. Jesus.

3. "Rock the Red"

Let's be honest, if you're not a Caps fan, this faux music video featuring Ovechkin on vocals, Mike Green on Drums, Brooks Laich on guitar, and Brashear providing security is the gayest thing they've ever seen. It is pretty much the gayest thing I've ever seen.

2. Segways

Not really, #2 is Joe Beninati and Craig Laughlin. Beninati's voice is so utterly grating. It's like they couldn't get the most annoying in Doc Emrick, so they found the 2nd most annoying guy they could.

1. Alex Ovechkin

Let's be honest, if you don't like the Caps nowadays, there's one reason. That guy.

I considered some other things as well: Olaf Kolzig, Jim Carey, Chris Simon, Bandwagon Fans, those shitty jerseys with the Capital on them, the giant black guy standing at the top of the Metro stairs ripping me off on scalped tickets. So now tell me, why do you hate the Caps?


Eli said...

You're absolutely right that Caps fans loved watching Dale Hunter, but don't think it was because he was violent. He was a great passer. He was great on faceoffs. He was a great clutch scorer. He had three overtime playoff goals. He could play on any line, in any situation, and on both special teams. He could goad an enforcer into a dumb penalty on one shift and then come right back out and set up a power play goal. For every penalty he took, opponents took two for hitting him. The best part was that when he teased his opponents into losing their temper and hitting him, he smiled his big, crazy, unmatched eyes smile. Don't get me wrong. Of course he was a violent hockey player, and I'm sure that helped give him space on the ice to do all the other things he did, but you could say the same about Bertuzzi, Clarke, Lindros, and a number of other players. Hunter was in Washington for most, if not all, of their streak of a dozen straight playoff appearances, and he was always a big part of the reason why they got there.

As for saying that you hate Jagr... congratulations! You're a Caps fan!

Vance said...

HAHA, I became a Caps fan when my boy Dave Steckel was called up.

Long story involving golf, Tyler Sloan, and an epic 350 yard drive.

Fact: BanginPanger is not meant as an insult to the one and only Darren Pang, nor do I claim to be him. The views and opinions presented on BanginPanger are of my own, and no other namesake of the site, the NHL, Buffalo Sabres, Washington Capitals, or anyone else.