Thursday, January 8, 2009
Pittsburgh: Better in sports, Equal in fans
Idiot #1: My dad and I thought it would be a good idea to get there early (BIG mistake). Got there at 5:45 (concert started at 7:30) so not that early. They wouldn't open the doors until 6:30 leaving us standing outside amongst a variety of neanderthals in 10 degree blizzard condition weather. By our gate entrance is a life size portrait of Fleury, as there are all of the players around the building. A man (around age 30) wearing a Pens jersey walks up to it in awe and says word for word: "Look, it's Fleury! Is this a life size picture? It can't be. He looks like he's 8 feet tall. Is he really that big?" Now, mind you that this portrait is about 2 feet off the ground...
Idiot #2: That first incident kept me a little entertained, but come on, it's F'n cold out. I need more. Every concert has the guys walking around outside selling t-shirts for less. The man in our section was quite the salesman. He eventually made his way over to me. I may be out of school, but I don't make that much $. I'm still awaiting this "change" Obama is promising us to help me out (change = raise taxes... YAY!) So I asked the guy how much the t-shirts were and he said: "They're half the price that they're selling for inside. They're going for 35 inside, I'll sell it to you for 20". Half price huh? Dare I? Ok, why not... If you can't get into college go to Pitt (clap clap) If you can't get into college, go to Pitt (clap clap) If you can't get into college and you don't have any knowledge, if you can't get into college go to Pitt (clap clap). Hmmm, I think Pitt needs to work on their math program. Ok, so that's not even the best part. After staring at him blankly for about 10 sec, I decided, what the hell, I'll get one. I'm F'n cold, I'll put it on as another layer to keep me warm. I just didn't realize how warm it would keep me. I noticed that he wasn't holding any t-shirts. Very odd... Fear not, seconds later he reaches down the front of his pants and pulls out a shirt. Oopps, wrong size. Stuffs it back down in there and pulls out another. Followed by the Chargers fan next to me screaming out "WOOOO! I LOVE SHWEATY BALLS!" (being sarcastic of course). I was extremely cold, but not cold enough to have the ball sweat from a 300 lb black guy on me...
Idiot #3: The concert leaves out. Yay! Best night of my life (about to get even better). We get outside and as we're walking to the car, I see a man wearing a Steelers jersey swaying as he's pissing on the side of someones car. Doing this amongst about 300 people. All of a sudden, 3 undercovers tackle this guy onto the snowcovered ground and handcuff him while one is shoving his face in the snow. All the while, the man is screaming "Stop! This is wrong. I have a license to pee here. You didn't even let me finish signing my name." I mean, come on, at least let him finish. I know Denson knows all about that. HAHA For those of you who don't know, he got caught pissing between 2 cop cars at a PSU football game and was charged w/ public urination.
Idiot #4 (last one I promise): Ok, so we passed the drunken public urinater and were heading up to flights of steps. At the bottom of the 2nd flight was a homeless guy asking for money. His sales pitch: "Give me aid, and we will be united through the power of intoxication. It's nickel night at... (forgot what bar he said) so even your pennies will help me become inebriated." Hell, I gotta give him credit. At least he was being honest. I would have given him money, but I was broke from buying the shirt that was "twice" as much inside the arena.
Ok, I'm done embarrassing Pens fans. I know, Flyers fans aren't any better. Pens fans are idiots, and Flyers fans are just complete assholes, not too far off. So next time you find yourself saying how bad Flyers fans are, look back on this post and hold your tongue.
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1 comments:
I've got a Flyer's fan story for everyone. December 22nd, 2007. Sabres vs. Flyers at the FU Center, I mean, Wachovia Center.
Intermission, kinda drunk, winding my way through obnoxious guidos yelling Buffalo sucks, as naturally I was wearing my Ryan Miller jersey, just trying to find a pisser.
Well I wait in that line, take the natural abuse, until I'm finally standing at the urinal unleashing the fury of a broken seal on the urinal cake. Well that is, until a guy, of course with beer on his breath, whispers in my ear, so close I could feel the warmth of his whisper on my ear and smell the Bud Light vapors emanating from his self.
He whispered, ever so softly, so gently, "I bet Ryan Miller squats to take a piss." I immediately zipped up, went out, got a beer, then went back to wait in line.
Sabres won that game 6-5.
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