Thursday, January 22, 2009

Goat of the Week: Detroit Red Wings

Today's Thursday right? OK, a goat. Hmmm. thinking back, it's been a rather uneventful week of douchbaggery in the league. I can only think of a couple.

1. Artyukhin's 2 Game Suspension: No-name player who's name I had to look up to spell right. Inconsequential.
2. Don Cherry - Ron Wilson Feud: Who cares?
3. Briere's Groin - He's already joined Gaborik and Havlat as punchlines.
4. McGuire - Milbury Feud: Talked about it already, it was probably staged, who cares.
5. Phaneuf's hit last night: It was just RJ Umberger, he gets facialed once a year.

But there is one that pissed me off. The Detroit Red Wings will no longer have any representation at the NHL All Star Game this weekend. Yes, I know the game is already a joke. We all know it's one big joke. Hardy effing har. But now, one of the top three teams in the league, the defending cup champions, won't have a single player representative in the exhibition.

But how can this be? Checking back to their game on Tuesday, one can't help but notice, THEY WERE ALL IN THE LINEUP. Give me a break you pansies. It's not as if you're going to get hurt skating at 20% speed.

Datsyuk: Out. If by hip pointer you mean sprained vaginal wall, then yes.
Lidstrom: Out. An upper body injury...nice. Ambiguous injury. Clearly a pansy.

But the replacements? Stephane Robidas? What?!? Over Rafalski? How convenient for the Wings health! And Marleau? Sure fine, he's deserving. Personally, I would've picked Hossa or Zetterberg over him, but you know, whatever, gotta keep the defending Champs healthy right?

Even Sidney Crosby, whom as we all know I loathe, has refuted the doctors wishes and will join the game, just to be a part of it. Kudos to him for that. UPDATE:: CROSBY'S A DAMN PANSY TOO.

Apparently the Red Wings have a gentleman's agreement with Bettman that no one has to represent Detroit in the all star game, we have to see what garbage St. Louis and the Isles have to offer, but don't get to see any Wings. Nice. Conspiracy

You wankers. You join an illustrious company, full of the best of the best, like Eklund, Sean Avery, and Matt Stajan.

One can only hope karma bites you in the ass. High ankle sprains around!
Fact: BanginPanger is not meant as an insult to the one and only Darren Pang, nor do I claim to be him. The views and opinions presented on BanginPanger are of my own, and no other namesake of the site, the NHL, Buffalo Sabres, Washington Capitals, or anyone else.