Sunday, November 30, 2008

Sabres Weekend in Review

2 out of 3 against the Bruins, Pens, and Habs. I'm ok with it. They didn't play fantastic hockey but they played well enough to win.

But why does every turnover in our own zone turn into an effing disaster? Against the Habs it seemed every goal was caused by pathetic play in our own zone, and somewhere along the line these guys need to learn accountability. ACCOUNTABILITY DAMMIT.







Highlights of the last 3. On Monday the Sabres have Nashville, a reprieve from the gauntlet they just ran.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Sabres V Penguins

Here's my preview. Bitches.




I might do one later, I'm at home during the thanksgiving holiday (where there's only Flyers propaganda, blech) and am being forced to do bitch work by my mother.

Alright, here's some info on tonight's game.

Penguins: John Curry will be making his first career NHL start in net...Max Talbot is day-to-day with a foot injury and will not be lending his acting skills to tonight's game...Pesonen has been called up to take his place...Is there a hotter guy (play-wise, not appearance, you homos) than Evgeni Malkin?...Same script as Boston, they are 8-1-1 in November...

Sabres: Vanek is slightly questionable, and Ruff will dress another forward just in case...Paetsch sits again tonight...Miller in goal...Kotalik is almost ready to be back, look for him later this weekend against the Habs or Monday vs. Nashville...I think Max plays again tonight, as does Mancari, who sits?

Predicition: I get drunk while watching game at a bar. I love Thanksgiving.


VIDEO POLL: Better Actor...Max Talbot? Jason Pominville?






By the way, Friday's prediction came true: I got sloppy drunk. It was awesome.

Brian Burke to the Leafs

The worst kept secret in hockey today was finally realized when Brian Burke signed on the dotted line, and became the General Manager of the Toronto Maple Leafs. He said he was moving back east to be closer to his children in Boston, yeah right. This egomaniac just wants to further cement his legacy by turning around what could be considered the most disorganized, out of touch team in the league.

I just can't fathom that what he did over the past month wasn't against some sort of NHL collusion rules or something. He abruptly "resigns" from his post in Anaheim, gallivants across North America, and winds up with a mega-GM contract from the leafs. He's also going to become team president. Slobber away, leafs fans, slobber away.

Unfortunately, there won't be any more feuds between Kevin Lowe and Brian Burke. Those two assholes fighting via newspaper is hilariously childish. Who can pick up the slack in the East?

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Where's Denson?

One could only imagine where the other supposed "blogger" has been since he's written last. Now that he's back in that God forsaken place known as Pittsburgh, my guess is he's chasing down his heroes, and constantly voting online for Sergei Gonchar.

My guess is he googled where the Pens players hang out, creeped all over them, then went back and saw Malkin's dick (that has actually happened). Perhaps he stuck his P in Crosby's A, then pulled it out and C'd all over his chest, or not, might've happened. We simply just don't know, he hasn't been here to say he hasn't.

What we do know however, is his bitch ass hasn't written jack shit.

Season Defining Stretch?

Well if there can be a season changing/defining/defeating moment this early in the season, well the Buffalo Sabres have happened upon that stretch. 4 games, 6 nights. Boston, Pittsburgh, at Montreal, Nashville. With the team currently lacking any sort of presence or identity, this stretch surely could certainly define the way the rest of the season plays out.

Tonight though we have Boston, and although it seems we have them every other game, thus far we're 1-2 against them on the year. And here we go again, two teams headed in opposite directions, Boston winning 4 straight, Buffalo dropping 5 straight. Hell, Boston is 9-0-1 in their last 10, we're 3-8-2 in our last 13. Ugly.

ITS THE GOOOOOOOOOOALIES

Dont be surprised to see Manny Fernandez in the net again, he's already beaten us twice this year. But does it really matter, both Manny and Tim Thomas are playing leagues better than Miller and Lalime currently. I don't feel like posting stats cause they just piss me off. But here's Millers... 1-2-0. 4.34 GAA. .870 save % in the three games against the Bruins this season

THE STREAM OF CONCIOUSNESS ON TONIGHTS GAME FEATURING TWO TEAMS THAT ARE GOING IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS, ONE OF WHICH IS DEBUTING A 3RD JERSEY THE OTHER HOPES TO SHIT ON THEIR FUN

Boston Bruins

Marc Savard, fantasy hockey superstar, is the gel that holds this team together, he's more than just setting up people like he did in Hotlanta...If Milan Lucic, Shawn Thornton, and Co. weren't holding opponents accountable for their actions, would Savard have caught the injury bug already?...See that Tim Thomas stopped Miller in the hallway and said ''quit thinking,'' my thoughts exactly...I'm not sure I can write anything more about this team, they just seem to get it, they have guys that put up the points, solid goaltending, and a defense that's accountable in their own end, hence successful team...I'd usually take this time to mock someone on their team, I just can't seem to, I like Krejci, Bergeron, Savard, but I definitely don't like Phil Kessel. Fatty Phil.

Buffalo Sabres

Marc Mancari had 12 shots the last 2 games, leading the Sabres, created chances, and got chances both regular strength and PP, he plays tonight...Against a team like Bruin's, who have physically beaten up the Sabres this year, why would Lindy hint that Max would play?...Does Paestch sit again? Hank has to have gotten the point by now, let him play...We haven't lost 6 straight in regulation since 2003...We get to see the Sabres 3rds tonight, that means the one I ordered will finally ship...I don't know what else to say, it's just been hard to see this team fall apart like this.

edit:: Max and Tallinder will both be back, Paestch and Paille will sit.


PREDICTION FOR TONIGHTS GAME
I'm not predicting anything like I said. Prediction for me? Piss ass sloppy drunk.


Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Weekly Feature: Goat of the Week

We've decided that once a week we're going to throw somebody under the bus and back over him dozens upon dozens of times. Whether it be for awful play, stupidity, arrests, whatever, somebody is going to be mocked. I guess we'll do this every Tuesday, (Thursdays are Weekly Shit on the All-Star voters day), hell, we'll even take nominations for this.

So I would like to congratulate Ryan O'byrne for winning the inaugural "Goat of the Week."

In last night's shoot out loss the Islanders (ouch Habs fans), Ryan received quite the ovation from the faithful...

...of the New York Isles.

What could a single guy do to receive such a warm (yet seemingly sarcastic) response from an opposing teams fans? What you say? He scored an own goal with less than 5 minutes to go in the game? Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this purse snatcher (tranny?), while on a delayed penalty, threw the puck directly into the center of his own goal. Easiest Goal of Bill Guerin's tiresome career. The video.



Now I could only imagine what Habs fans are calling this guy: asshat, cum dumpster, effstick, effhead, douche, douchebag, etc. etc. but here at Bangin Panger, he's just our Goat of the Week.

Monday, November 24, 2008

For Your Viewing Pleasure...

The best hits of the week according to the people at the NHL.





Some of those are just open ice bombs. Love it.

Poll! Worst 3rd Jersey Ever!

The whole thing with Phoenix got me thinking, why are 3rd jerseys usually so terrible? Well in honor of that fact, we're doing the first ever Bangin Panger poll. We've got three options here, all hideous, conceived for all the wrong reasons.

Tampa Bay Lightning circa 1997


Nashville Predators circa 2008


New York Islanders circa 1995



Other options? Maybe the Dallas Stars ugly bull constellation jersey? The Oilers and those gears and drop of oil (is that what that was?)? The old black, green, and red Coyotes jersey with the standing coyote man? Anything the Canucks ever wore through the 80s?

Oh Phoenix, my oh my.

The Coyotes recently unveiled their 3rd jersey and good Lord it looks like a bloody stool. Seriously, I'm not entirely sure of the decision making process there. The trend of the black jerseys all started in the mid-90's, why is it coming back now? The Blackhawks, Sens, Canes, Sharks, and Coyotes have all have gone with black 3rds.

"My name is Shane Doan and I am awkward"

Does the color scheme bother me? No, not really, the red doesn't hurt my eyes like the Cane's and Senators do, but I can't come to grips with that logo...that effing little puppy dog. What fruit had the idea that a fox was fit to grace the chest of a NHL sweater. Oh you know what? I do! New York branding-firm SME (what the hell does a branding firm do, that is, besides waste money) was actually paid(!) to design this and "extend the brand."

Old Douglas Moss COO of the Coyotes had this to say “The current Coyotes uniform is considered one of the best in professional sports and has remained unchanged since its introduction in 2003.” Oh yes, you're howling abstract dog-face is really one of the most respected and recognizable logos anywhere! Fantastic quote Dougie! Douche.

Let's get up close and personal with the main logo now...good God.

I mean, it's just so not...hockey. Am I the only one at loss for words when talking about this logo? Of course not, cause we've got Eddie O'Hara, the fruit behind the design, and consequently the Chief Creative Officer (give me a God damned break, that's your title? I bet he smells like potpourri) to tell us all about the logo.
“Our direction was simple: extend the current uniform look and feel into an exciting, hot new look that both the players and the fans will love. It had to be classic sports in tone and not overly trendy.”
Ok, I'm glad the donkey that designed the logo is happy with it. Well, what about Gretzky? "I think it will appeal to traditionalists and new fans alike." Yeah, Wayne, cause this jersey just screams purchase.

Let's get some comments about this. What do you guys think? Like the Coyotes jersey? What are your favorite 3rd jerseys? Which ones make you feel like mocking a Chief Creative Officer? Anyone a Chief Creative Officer here?

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Public Service Announcement sponsored by Bangin' Panger



We hear at Bangin Panger are trying to provide a family experience, a place where passionate puckheads like ourselves can ridicule our teams, other teams, and other miscellaneous hockey related (or not) topics. I feel it is our job as faceless bloggers to help educate these men (women?). 33.3% have fallen prey to this horrible affliction: visiting a hockey blog when searching for porn.

With only 66.6% of the internet viewing public successfully finding the video that aids them in the quest to beat their meat, we at Bangin Panger want to help. To successfully find the information you desire, please use the search terms "Who's Nailin' Palin" or "Nailin' Palin + preview" or "Hustler + Palin + Video." We're not judging you, by all means, that would make us hypocrites. We are simply trying to help.

/ PSA

\ Analysis

Now I realize earlier I wrote on the individual from Cleveland whom first happened upon Bangin Panger via Google. I thought this was going to be an anomaly, but no, this is a trend. Instead of getting their kicks to a random tramp in glasses getting nailed by some tatted up 'roid head, they find a bunch of immature cocks acting like anyone gives a damn about their opinions. Poor single, 16 - 52 white male, we've gone done and interrupted your wank session, I almost now feel obligated to post the video once it's done filming (shouldn't that take like 5 minutes? 2 for the shaving/manscaping, 2 for the boning, 1 to mix in the porn groove, and tah dah, porno).

Oh what a weekend

Well as everyone that's visited our site obviously knows (except for the people searching for nudie vids of Sarah Palin), Bangin Panger was linked by Puck Daddy (thanks for the shout out, usually i'm only told were chock full of bullshit, not awesome) on Friday night and made us feel like giddy school girls. It was the beginning of a weekend that nothing went wrong for me.

You know who didn't have a weekend like that? The Buffalo Sabres. Apparently for the past 2 weeks they've been having a bowl of fail for breakfast, a fail sandwich during lunch, and a fail steak with mango salsa for dinner. Desert? Bitches don't deserve desert.



I'm not going to act like I watched either game. Friday, I was on the road from 4 pm to 10 and Saturday my ass was firmly planted on a bar stool celebrating my eminent trip to Pasadena for the Rose Bowl. But I will say this, we made 2 shittenders (see how I did that, replaced goal with shit, as to explain what I think of them) look like they too deserve to be on the all-star ballot. You simply cannot let Marty Biron and Joey McDonald steal games from you. Where is anyone other than Pommer and Vanek? Frankly, it's been a piss poor showing this November, and I'm effing tired of it.

This is who we lost to? My God. Embarrassing.



Look at some of these shittenders (yeah did it again) who have beaten the Sabres this year.

Oct 21 - Kari Lehtonen
Oct 25 - Peter Budaj
Oct 27 - Alex Auld
Oct 30 - Olaf Kolzig
Nov 7 - Johan Hedberg
Nov 8 - Manny Fernandez
Nov 14 - Pascal Leclaire
Nov 15 - Marc-Andre Fleury
Nov 19 - Manny Fernandez
Nov 21 - Marty Biron
Nov 22 - Joey Macdonald

Look at those names, outside of MAF, do any of those guys scare you? Those aren't Luongos, Brodeurs, Kiprusoffs, they're Aulds, Hedbergs, and Macdonalds. What. The. Shit. This teams innate ability to make piss ant goalies look like Sawchuk pains me.

/RANT

Another game with Boston here on Wednesday, hopefully some wind sprints and the potential of more benchings lights a fire under their collective assholes and they right the ship.

Also, I will not predict a score for the rest of the year, I eat fail on that one. Odds I don't? 2%.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Sabres V Flyers Preview



Well I will be gone this weekend, as soon as I bounce from work I will be on my way to State College, PA to see my alma mater punch its ticket to the Rose Bowl. Hopefully tonight I may be able to catch the Sabres game in a bar. Maybe. Unfortunatey, this is a tale of 2 teams going in opposite directions, hopefully the Sabres right the ship. Some big news outta Buffalo though, read on for more.

TONIGHTS GOALIE MATCHUP

Flyers: Martin Biron 5-5-2 .894 3.13
Sabres: Ryan Miller 8-4-2 .909 2.61

Those numbers LIE. This is a tale of 2 goaltenders going in opposite directions. In his last 4, Marty Biron is 2-1-1 with a 1.97 GAA and .930 in his last 4 games. Ryan Miller though is 1-3 with a GAA of infinity and a save percentage of .815 (holy hell) in his past 5 appearances (relief of Lalime in Cbus). Not very promising eh Sabres fans?



THE STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS ON TONIGHT'S MATCH UP

PHILLY PHLYERS

Haven't seen much of the Flyer's since they're blacked out pretty often down here in D.C....Happy to see Simon Gagne fully recover from his concussion and register a point in all but 1 game this year (why can't Connolly recover like that?)...Danny Briere will not suit up tonight, so who will Sabres fans boo? I dunno...Anyone else wonder how many points a line of Gagne, Richards/Carter, Briere would put up? Pretty scary...Ossi Väänänen (I copy pasted that, who knows how to get those crazy letters) will also be out of the lineup tonight for Philly...Look for the Flyers to come out sluggish after the 4 day break...Philly special teams are ranked 3rd (PP%) and 10th (PK%) respectively...Is John Stevens out of the hot seat yet for the piss poor start?...Mike Knuble had an interesting quote about the Flyer's knob gobbling Brenden Shanahan "Would one guy be able to come in and change a lot of things? I don't know." (The link from Puck Daddy) That quote says it all to me, bring in Shanny, you bring down that team from the inside, thank about that B. Clarke...The 8th Phantom makes finds himself shuffled into the Flyer lineup tonight, introducing, Jonathon Kalinski, a 6th rounder in 2007...I would like to see Luca Sbisa in person tonight...that's all I got.

BUFFALO SABRES

Lindy Ruff said it, and when he speaks, you better believe he's gonna f'ing follow through,
It’s going to have to cost guys dearly with ice time,” Ruff said. “If you want to get focus, you want to get desperate, maybe some players will have to miss games… Really, that’s the only choice you have as a coach.”
...Look at that, he followed through, tonight Max and Henrik Tallinder ride pine (Wow, I so called that!) while the AHL's 2nd leading scorer and reigning hardest shot champion, Marc Mancari, gets the call up...Marc Mancari has 11 G and 14 A in just 14 games...He will be playing with Gaustad and Paille...Ryan "Captain Obvious" after the debacle in Boston
We just need to play hockey.
Oh my God Ryan...Let's see if this works, it hasn't really worked with Max in the past, these guys seem to take their spots for granted...Pommer is really starting to heat up, 10 points in the last 8 games, with a 4 game streak...Vanek's potted 3 in the last 2...Connolly, Kotalik still both out of the lineup for an undetermined amount of time...Paestch coming down outta the press box tonight as well.

LINES

Vanek - Hecht - Pominville
Paille - Gaustad - Mancari
MacArthur - Roy - Stafford
Kaleta - Mair - Peters

Spacek - Sekera
Numminem - Lydman
Rivet - Paestch

Miller
Lalime

Gagne - Richards - Knuble
Hartnell - Carter - Nödl
Upshall - Metropolit - Lupul
Gratton - Kalinski - Asham

Sbisa - Timonen
Coburn - Carle
Alberts - Kukkonen

Biron
Niittymäki


PREDICTIONS

I don't really want to predict anything, but, I will. The Sabres typically start off hot and flying in the 1st period, the Flyers are one of the worst 1st period teams in the League. However the Flyers do have 8 SH goals, 4 of those by Gagne, and with the way the Sabres often put a forward on point during PPs, that makes me wary. I think some home cooking does the Sabres well, and they get up early and hold on, a la the victory vs. the Blues last week.

Sabres 5 - Flyers 3

Pommer, Vanek (2), McArthur, Paille
Gagne, Carter (2)

More Damning Evidence of the Dallas Community




The NHL has given any of us the capabilities to see how our favorite players are faring in the All-Star voting, ruining the self-esteem of tens of misunderstood, under appreciated "role" players throughout the league.

Me? I checked to see how much the asshats down in Texas were cheating. Seems to me, quite a bit. Certainly must've been a shot to the ego for Brenden Morrow to wake up and be say 'F yeah, I'm 2nd in all-star voting!' only to realize that his virtual popularity was simply that, virtual. And fake.

Why I'm not giving up on this? I don't know, it's been rehashed over again by lots of folks. But just the sheer number of cheap votes, 25,000 some in some cases, only goes to show you, just how much there isn't to do in the city of Montreal. Poor bastards, wait, no, what tools.

Update/edit:: If you've arrived via Puck Daddy, welcome fellow hockey fan. Please browse, leave comments, tell us how much of a douche you really think I am. It'll be fun, I promise.

PL-LL Update: A Week Later


What the hell, at least 2/3 of those votes are mine. Pierre, I know you're hurt, you should be voting for yourself more. Nobody would think any less of you.

10 Guys I want to See Come Out of Retirement

Oh yes, another slow day at work, but don't worry, your tax dollars aren't paying me today.

Now with the return of Claude Lemieux to the ice, this really got me thinking, who would I want to see back beating up on the Panthers, Lightning, Blues, etc. Anyways, I thought I’d put together a list of 10 guys I’d like to see make their way back to the NHL, somehow, for any number of reasons.

10)Claude Lemieux

Claude Lemieux taught Sean Avery everything he knows.

Normally I wouldn’t have even thought of putting him on this list, he was a pest on 3 different Stanley Cup winners though, and that’s something he can hang his hat on. But he’s also topped 40 goals, and has 785 points over those 20 years, not too shabby. Still, a courtesy pick. He was with the China Sharks this year, yes, affiliated with San Jose, via Shanghai. I looked at the roster, hilarious, must be the worst hockey we'd ever see. If we ever get the chance to stream a China Sharks game, I'm doin it. Update: He's made it, somehow, he's made it.

9) Todd Bertuzzi
Oh, come on, you were all thinking it, I posted it.

No one has seen this guy performing on the ice since 2004…heeeeeeyoooooooo. Anyways, this guy’s a douche by all accounts, and had some pretty nice years earlier this decade in Vancouver. Love to see you back on the ice Todd!....please don't jump me.

8) Scott Stevens
He might kill me for this.

This guy, had he not been destroying the lives of so many people, probably could still be playing, albeit limitedly. But post-concussion syndrome, like many fantastic players through the years, ended his career. Interesting side note, he only received 4 elbowing penalties in his entire career, how that’s possible, we’ll never know. That picture is the least bad ass thing Scott Stevens has ever done; mouth kissing his own mother.

7) Al MacInnis
Look at those blonde locks, Canadian ladies loved it.

I remember growing up, when hockey was still on ESPN, and seeing Al MacInnis blister slap shots, somewhere in there when Gretzky was on the Blues. Another guy who retired due to injury (a detached retina? Damn) and the lockout season. A Conn Smythe Winner, Norris Trophy winner, Stanley Cup Champ. Come on dude, man up, put the eye back in there, and hit the ice.

6) Pavel Bure
Russian Rocket? That's what she said.


Oh the “Russian Rocket,” kinda sounds like an imported knockoff sextoy? That’s funny. The only reason I include him on here is the fact he’s been linked to so many hotties, including but not limited to 90s babe Anna Kournikova. Let’s bring the Playa back to the Players Association! Eh? Eh? Eh? Yeah that was a stretch. Ef it.

5) Jeff Beukeboom
That shit is legal, no doubt.

Haha, I just love his name. Who doesn’t? Interesting note: Shop.NHL.com sells Jeff Beukeboom vintage tshirts, what a find. Actually I don’t remember anything about this dude, I just like his name, and want that tshirt.

4) Alex Mogilny
You just know that Bure and Mogilny slayed the ladies of British Columbia.

One of my favorites growing up, especially after that 76 goal season in 1992-1993. He was one of the first players to defect from those commie bastards in 1989, and selected 89 in reverence to that fact. I know he was with New Jersey as recently as 2005-2006 but never played due to injury. Does he even have knees anymore? That might not be conducive to skating.

3) Mario Lemieux
Sidney: "Love you" Mario: "No homo, No Homo"

Watch any Pens game, you’re bound to get atleast 3, if not 14, shots of Mario in the stands, watching over his flock. It’s kind of creepy. That and the whole Dad thing with Crosby, creepy. Anyway, in these panned shots, you always notice one thing, he’s pretty. No scars, no beat up old Canadian moustache, just a pretty boy. He can play, we know he can play, he could provide that secondary scoring for the Pens. Just sayin, he could do it. Plus don’t think his ego would allow another Lemieux (regardless of lack of relation) back into the game before him.

2) Theoren Fleury
Definitely a former crackhead, you can see it in his eyes.

This li'l bastard. Man, Flames fans don’t know what they had. They had a personality, it’s so hard to find a hockey player that isn’t humble or faceless or just plain boring (Crosby). This dude partied way too much, has Chron’s Disease (bloody diarrhea, vomiting, weight loss, I couldn't even make this up), and even had the name ‘’Crackhead Theo’’ while in N.Y. Right now he apparently runs Fleury’s Concrete Coatings, frankly, he should be running people on the ice.

AND THE #1 GUY I WANT TO SEE MAKE A COMBACK…

Ziggy Palffy
Finally! A mullet! I've been searching all morning.

Oh yes. Zigmund Palffy. Best. Name. Ever. He’s playing hockey still over in Slovakia, at least he was last year. But we need him back. He’s potted over 40 goals 3 different times, had some nice years with LA. But we, the NHL, need Ziggy Palffy back. After the lockout the Pens signed him to a 3 year 13.5 million dollar contract, before he just up and left. Dammit Ziggy, come back. You complete me.


QUICK LIST GUY I NEVER WANT TO SEE AGAIN

1) Mark Messier
What kind of man exposes himself to young boys! Wait, Gary Coleman?!?


Mark Messier drank Red Stripe before it was cool.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

FACT: DALLAS CHEATS!!!



Oh, I've stumbled upon something far too glorious to pass up. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, concrete evidence, statistical evidence no less, that the fans of the Dallas Stars, and even the organization itself, are cheaters. This is a history of lies, cheating, and stealing that must be aired to the public!

I suppose the cheating, stealing, and overall criminality began before the beginning of the 1990-1991 season when Norman Green bought a majority stake in the Minnesota North Stars. He was the proprietor of a shopping mall chain in the Great White North, which began to fail in the early 90's, with the threat of losing his business, and a sexual harassment case pending in the State of Minnesota (what a dick, and slut), he demanded things from the great state of Minnesota and the city of Minneapolis. The next season, in 1993, Dallas stole an illustrious franchise (relatively) from a much more deserving city.

Fast forward to 1999, oh yes Sabres fans, you know exactly what theft I'm talking about. Yes, not only was the Stanley Cup stolen, but it was done illegally! Against the Rules (of the time)!!! BASTARDS!!! ROLL THE VIDEO!!!



So far, we have a sexual harasser, a failed company, a stolen team, a stolen Stanley Cup, and now here in 2008, a scandal involving the NHL All Star voting process. We reported (reported? haha hell yeah!) about how douche-y the city of Dallas was via Mike Ribeiro. The NHL did say that they got rid of any inconsistencies in the voting, meaning cheating, and it seems as though the actually have.

In my ranting against the All-Star process and looking at the numbers of votes, I was trying to see what cities were stuffing the ballots from the first results to the 2nd. For example....

Name Before After

Ryan Miller 6314 59526 (Stuffing)
Henrik Lundvist 40382 55854 (Not Stuffing)
Sergei Gonchar 6301 89332 (Stuffing)
Mike Ribeiro 51785 51112 (WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!??!)

Don't Believe me here's the visual evidence, you can go back to the post prior to this, and the earlier look at voting.


Mike Ribeiro, he of only 2 goals this season, decreased in votes this week. I'm sure his teammates did as well, but they've fallen completely off the top 10 list, so its obvious that they did.

You Bitch


It's one thing to have no life and stuff an online ballot, it's a whole other thing to rig up an auto-voting program. Shame on you Dallas, shame on you.

1) Stealing a team from another city (adultery, theft, burglary)
2) Stealing a Stanley Cup from a Hockey Town (theft, burglary, assault, indecent exposure)
3) Cheating on the All-Star Ballots (adultery)

Ladies and Gentlemen, Dallas Texas.

Weekly NHL All Star Game Voting is Bullshit Post!!!



Guess who doesn't have shit to do at work today! This guy. Training? F that. Not doin it.

Now since I've already posted about the porno guy (now some Polish guy searched for Blues Bangin and got the site, what the hell was he even looking for?), my current ranting on the Sabres, and posted the highlights, it's time to pick on somebody currently in the Top 15 of NHL All-Star voting to bitch about.

Now for the latest updates!



Now I haven't looked at this in a while, I've been voting, oh yes I have, but for people that deserve it (and Pierre-Luc Letourneau-Leblond) just haven't been following the results. Looks like we got ourselves a new city in the West full of utter douche mongers. Detroit, Michigan. Yes, that city up north, who "supports" an entire failing industry, has the most inept football team in the nation (Lions or Wolverines, take your pick)

But now they feel that the all-star game should simply be a Detroit Red Wings v Montreal Canadiens exhibition, sweet!

STAT CHECKER BITCHES

Western Conference Points Leaders

3) Marian Hossa :: 10 G 13 A :: legit
17 Tie) Pavel Datsyuk :: 5 G 12 A :: HMMMM
17 Tie) Henrik Zetterburg :: 10 G 7 A :: HMMMM

Now I don't like simply stat checking to prove the worth of a player, because obviously Datsyuk and Hank both are worth more to that team with their defensive responsibilities and so on, but once again we find another city, with nothing going for it, stuffing the online ballots. It's just so douchey. P.S. Mike 'asshat' Ribeiro has more points than Dieter and Hank, so does a Defensemen, Shea Weber.

Oh yes, let's look at the left coast conference defensemen. See we would have a clean sweep here, but that damned Dion Phaneuf (hmmm is Calgary trying to catch Montreal as King Douche of Canada?) Though you can't argue with Lidstrom's success and talent over all these years, I have no qualms with the west D...Wait, yeah I do. Shea Weber hobbling behind money grubbing bastards (Souray, Campbell), the Geriatric Ward (Blake, Niedermayer) and a cock (Pronger). Poor guy is tied for 14th in the West in points, and plays on a pretty unheralded team, you'd think he'd get a look at least.


Now for the East. Yeah, Montreal is still gay. But is that reallllllllyyyyy all that surprising, nah I didn't think so. But what we have here is a lot of ballot stuffing cities. Look at that Montreal, Pittsburgh, Washington, Buffalo, Boston. All right in a row. The ridiculous nature of Montreal-eans(?)-ites(?) has already been well documented here on Bangin Panger, but now we've got newcomers to the race.

At first glance it really wouldn't seem out of the ordinary to see Malkin and Crosby at the top of the All-Star voting, the NHL pimps them out any chance they get. But you really see the blind devotion when you look at the Defensemen. Oh yes, 2 guys that haven't played a single game this year, currently rank 5 and 6 in the balloting. Way to go Pittsburgh! Fleury 2nd in net? Whatever.

The same goes for Washington, they're harder to tell though, since Mike Green deserves an all-star nod, and so does Semin, but Ovechkin does not. Another guy pimped to the masses, so we can't really see how much bullshit is going down. But with how many people don't like the Caps, the dislike of the Russians, and the anonymity of Mike Green, Washington is voting hardcore.

Buffalo is hard to target, I think you can say they are stuffing the ballots by virtue of Teppo having so many votes, but a factor against that is that Derek Roy is nowhere to be seen on the results sheet. Up in the air, but I'm sure douchey fanboys are sitting in their rooms clicking away, besides, what else is there to do in Buffalo?

And Boston, a good team, but they don't have this many fans. They're stuffing the ballots like a 6th grade girl before the Fall Harvest Dance. I do like the upswell of support for Tim Thomas, cause that fat ass deserves it.

Douche City Rankings 2008
1. Montreal
2. Detroit
3. Pittsburgh
4. Washington
5. Boston
6. Buffalo
7. Calgary
8. Anaheim
9. Dallas
10. San Jose

Sabres V Bruins - Highlights...or Lowlights





Thanks to NHLVideo via Youtube.

Vanek's 2nd goal was a thing of deflection beauty. I quit watching after 4-4, I know what happens, shit happens, pure unadulterated shit.

A funny thing happened on the way to work yesterday....



We may or may not have written, drawn, created, whatever, some pretty funny things here over the past month, but nothing, not a single damn thing, is nearly as funny as this.

Yesterday, November 19th, at 3:34 Eastern Time, an individual located within the city limits of Cleveland, Ohio happened upon this site, Bangin Panger, through the Google search engine. That unto itself is odd enough as we've only got 60-some odd number of hits, mostly through Digg, since we've started posting.

However, it only gets better, this perverted son-of-a-bitch happened upon our site after searching for, and obviously not finding "who is bangin palin previews." As in former vice-presidential candidate, hockey mom, and MILF Sarah Palin.

Now there's so much that's hilarious about this particular situation. A) Some f-stick is looking for previews of a Penthouse movie I'm not sure has even been filmed yet B) How the hell is "Sabres V Blues Preview" the #1 hit for "who is bangin palin previews," amazing that that particular post is the most relevant. C) That guy is hilarious, actually I don't think it's a guy at all. I think it's a middle-school aged kid, just got off the bus, and decided he wanted to whack it before mommy and daddy got home.

I couldn't make this shit up, so here's visual proof that this happened.

What happened to this team?



Good God, what happened to the Sabres over the past week? They scrape by the Blues, get thrashed by C-bus in a trap game, blow their load against the Pens, then obviously after a few days off, completely shit the bed in a rather important division game with the Bruins.

I think we can attribute this to a number of things some of which you may agree with, or perhaps not, but you're not writing this so I don't give a damn.

RYAN MILLER'S LOSS OF FOCUS AND INTENSITY

Is he snake bit? I don't think so. However I also don't believe it is entirely his fault either (defensive liabilities will be addressed later). But some of these goals he's been giving up have been just a nightmare. Last night against the Bruins, game tied at 4-4 and Miller gives up the tying goal on a bank shot from behind the net. Kobasew I think it was, what a dick. Anyways, it just seems he is not on the top of his game like he was earlier in the year. 18 goals in the last 3 games? That's simply not a good enough from our goaltending. Both 'tenders haven't doing their job, what's the solution? I haven't a clue.

DEFENSIVE LIABILITIES

Craig Rivet was banging bodies, taking liberties, and pretty well having his way with the opposing team...two weeks ago, before the surgery, now he seems tentative and out of sync. Lydman and Tallinder simply have regressed from when they seemed poised for a breakout after 2005, a chance of scenery may be in their collective best interests. They don't clear people out of the crease, they don't have their heads on a swivel (in video games terms - poor defensive awareness - at best, 67) and frankly they don't really offer much to the team. I don't notice Spacek often, that's probably a good thing. I also have no problems with the play of Sekera, he's only going to get better. Teppo is Teppo.

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE SYSTEM?

We started the year 6-0-2, now we're 9-6-3. In those first 8 games the Sabres employed a defensive-minded counterattack style, akin to system's that Lemaire and Julien have preached for years in New Jersey and Minnesota minus the boring ass hockey. The forwards aren't backchecking hard, aren't hustling back into the play, we've seen where run n gun hockey got us last year, so break the habit and listen to Lindy.

SLOW STARTS or JUST OVERRATED?

I can't categorize Max as a slow start as he played just like this last year: aggravating, deplorable, undisciplined, selfish, etc. etc. I just don't think there is anyone quite desperate enough to pull the trigger on him this early, I do think we may have a Sergei Samsonov type situation on our hands. Derek Roy has picked it up a little here of late, but he has to prove he deserved that contract, he's not yet. Pommer is a little under a point per game and has really picked up the scoring lately, we need him to get it going. Where's Gaustad? Where's Hecht? We need a team effort.

At any rate this team isn't performing up to their talents or to any of the lofty expectations that accrued during their fast start. Let's just hope their season doesn't end up like the Bills. Hopefully I'll have something a little more cheerful to write about next time.

By the way, BSod's Hockey Room, Justin.tv and myp2p.eu are collectively a savior for out of town fans.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

WARNING!!! Montreal invades Green Bay!!!

I feel that the city of Green Bay, especially around the areas of Lambeau Field have been overrun by the citizens and fans of the Montreal Canadiens. This. is. so. gay.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

PL-LL for NHL All-Star!!!






Let's get the best last name in hockey on the back of an All-Star sweater.

UPDATE: Montreal Is Actually Gay

Words cannot express the link below. Pittsburgh has Furies yes, but Montreal has this nasty shit.


GAYNESS!



B-E-A-uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutiful

Someone Burn Montreal Down

Or we could just wait until the playoffs, watch them lose...or even win...and their dumb ass fans will take care of that for us.

But seriously, what an f-n joke these ballots are. I know my counterpart has already bitched and moaned about all of this so I'm not going to waste my time. But seriously, why even allow fans to pick this shit if this is how "All-Stars" are going to be represented. Carey Price? Are you shitting me? Not even the 4th best goaltender in the East. I'd go Tim Thomas and Ryan Miller right now. And I only voted for Miller over Thomas because Boston's D is better than the Sabres, so cu dos to Miller.

All Star voting is not about "Who's the best in the league" overall, it's who is currently playing the best hockey, but that is never the way things work out. Douche cities like Montreal and Dallas doctor the votes, and the players that really deserve it will get that perennial snub. It happens every year with different cities. Also, remove the injured players from the ballot. I mean, how f-ing hard is it to delete Sergie Gonchar from the ballot? What a waste.

Anyways, like I said, not going to waste my time writing a long post bitching about All-Star votes. Just read below. I'll follow this up with a recap of the All-Star forwards, and who got snubbed and who's ass doesn't belong there.

Montreal fans, lick my satchel.

My All-Star Picks, as if you care



[edit:: NHL widget = epic fail, I'll try to get it up soon]

My Picks:
East: Alex Semin, Evgeni Malkin, Thomas Vanek, Mike Green, Andrei Markov, Ryan Miller
West: Marian Hossa, Jarome Iginla, Pat Kane, Shea Weber, Brent Burns, Niklas Backstrom


Ok, now that you've seen my picks...WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!? Have the entire cities of Dallas and Montreal decided, respectively "Well gawd dangit, I reckon since we ain't got nothin' better tah do, we might as well get dem boys from that there stick game in the all-star game" "Hey, whaddaya tink? Get our boys in the ole all-stah game n den go get some french fries n gravy?" Gimme a break, this is why the fan voting is absolutely retarded, a bunch of r-tards (pronounced R tards) sit around and click vote.

Get a freakin job! [Ironically, I write this rant from my office, takin' it to the man] I'm not going to say that some of these guys don't deserve it, but seriously Montreal, go f yourselves. Your team is good, it's your Centennial, we get it, but seriously, I realize it's that time of the year before you can go hunt polar bears and penguins but after you wrestle polar bears and penguins, is there nothing to do but vote for NHL all-stars? Really?

Would it surprise me if somebody coded a macro auto voting over and over again? Absolutely not, I'd say the main culprit would be Habs fans, since you know, they don't have computers in Texas.


As of 9:52 AM Eastern Time, here are your leading vote getters for the NHL AllStar game.





Like I said before, the F-sticks (pronounced F Sticks) in Texas and Ontario are knob gobbling the likes of Saku Koivu, who hasn't been relevant since '99, he who has as many points as Semin has goals, leads him by a sound 47,000 votes. Makes sense? Right. Andrei Markov deserves to lead in Dmen cause he's a top Dman right now, fine. But Carey Price putting together a 60,000 vote lead over #2, and a 100,000 vote lead over Ryan Miller. Please, give me a break, wipe the Hab's cream off your collective ski goggles and get real.

I'm not even going to talk about the West, what's the point. Mike Ribeiro, most votes in West, has 1 goal. One measly, insignificant tally, you know what, I'm gonna look up that goal and post the video of that goal, so that you can see how fantastic Mike Ribeiro surely must be to warrant the most votes amongst Western forwards.



Oh Yeah! How clutch! The 5th goal when it was already 4-1! Against the Islanders! Oh baby! Dallas, don't move on from the Cowboys simply because Romo fumbles, T.O. cries, and Jerry Jones is in another psychiatric session. Stick with them, because your hockey team, is currently, terrible. Oh wait, I've just been alerted to another video of your magnificence, actually, not only do you still only have one goal, but you're a total dick too.



A sick move, no doubt, but if I'm Dustin Brown, I jump the boards and two hand him in the face so he gets what he's asking for.

I just worked myself into a frenzy of angst and perpetual hatred towards those cities. If my somebody comes in here and asks me to accomplish anything, I might go off. I might.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Sabres V Blues Preview



Some interesting developments in tonight's lineup for the Sabres - Blues matchup at HSBC arena. The 5-7-1 (good for last place in the league, parity?) St Louis team will limp into Buffalo riding a 5 game losing streak, after starting the year pretty well. But the Sabres aren't exactly lighting it up either their hot start either. This is the 4th game on a 5 game road trip for St. Louis, tired some? Anyways, on to game notes...

GOALIE MATCHUP

Manny Legace, he of the strained hip due to falling on a carpet rolled out for Mrs. Sarah Palin, returned from the injury on Saturday, and looks like he'll get the start. Hehe, innuendo abound, "Legace goes down face first after landing on Palin's rug" Ok back on track. Legace is 4-3 with a 3.12 and .896 save percentage. While WGR reports Ryan Miller will be in net for the Sabres. Hopefully Miller puts those two past losses (8 GA) behind him and gets ready for the Blues and then the Pens.

THE PREGAME STREAM OF CONCIOUSNESS NOTES PERTAINING TO THE GAME AND/OR HISTORICAL BACKGROUND BETWEEN TWO TEAMS THAT RARELY EVER PLAY

St. Louis News and Notes

Paul Kariya will be missing his third straight game, a blow to St. Louis's formidable special teams, which ranks 2nd on the powerplay, converting 27.1%....Look for Buffalo native Lee Stempniak take Kariya's spot on that top PP unit...The Blues are holding contests every home game to pay a lucky customer's mortgage for 4 months, good on them, creative...I realize that I know nothing about the Blues, except that Brad Boyes is nasty and I'm glad he's on my fantasy team, +/- be damned...Speaking of Kariya, isn't he like 45?....Is Tkachuk older?...Ex-Sabre has been in Andy Murray's dog house lately, poor bastard should never have left...I really don't know jack shit about the Blues, I cant even make anything up.

Buffalo News and Notes

Stafford and surprisingly enough, Patrick Kaleta, will be in the press box tonight...Andrew Peters joins a Bangin Panger favorite line of Paul Gaustad and Adam Mair to wreak a little havoc...Peters will do...nothing....Paille is back in the lineup from his one game stint in the press box...Tim Connolly registered his 1st goal of the year against Boston, playing on a point per game pace, will it last? How long will he last?...Max looks like he's starting to turn a corner, we'll see...My guess is we see Miller tonight, Lalime vs. Columbus, then Miller again in Shitsburgh, get it, shit / pitt, funny stuff...The Sabres haven't beaten the Blues at home since 1995 in the Aud, I don't believe in this historical bullshit, even Lindy Ruff wasn't around then...


ONLINE VIEWING OPTIONS

Sabres-V-Blues Streaming Video Feed

PREDICTION THAT DOESN'T MATTER

Sabres win, prediction over.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Because I've been too busy at work

and too busy playing Gears of War 2 at home. I have for you...Asians!

I don't know what this is, and it has nothing to do with hockey, but its too good to pass up.



I swear eventually I'll finish the post on the bullshit NHL allstar voting.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

NHL "ALLSTARS" blah blah blah Goalie Edition



104 “ALLSTARS” I use that term loosely, and for good reason. Earlier this week the NHL released the ballot for the 2009 All-Star game, being held in Montreal, and here I will respond to the obscene inclusions, inexcusable omissions, and downright idiocy of a few of these picks.

First off, why can’t the vote include all players? You’d think the NHL would have learned their lesson after the “Vote for Rory” debacle, but apparently no. We still get the choices of the Man up in NYC and only have the option to “write-in” a single player (most likely who is more deserving than some terrible asshat who plays on a “popular” and by popular I mean Canadian, team), who were omitted from this be-all-to-end-all master list. Blow me, Bettman. Blow me.

PLAYERS WHO DON'T DESERVE TO BE EVEN NOMINATED TO BE AN ALLSTAR LET ALONE EVEN BEING REFERRED TO AS A SERVICEABLE #1 GOALIE, JOURNEYMAN WINGER, STRUGGLING ROOKIE, SAGE VETERAN, CAREER AHL'ER, OR GOOD PERSON edit:: Only the goalies this time around

ITS THE GOOOOOOOOOOOAAAALIE (mighty ducks reference, look it up)
Let's start from the beginning. B for Biron. B for bullshit. I like the guy, always one of the best sound clips in the league...but...but...watch this video. Actually, only watch beginning at the 1:00 mark. Thanks to NHL video for the clip.


PWND.

Brodeur is hurt, see post below, tweaked vagina. I kid, one of the greatest goalies of all time, somehow has dodged the injury bug until now. Still...take his ass off the ballot.

Oh Ricky, how you're so not fine, as a matter of fact, you are a douche. A big flaming douche. You should not be on this ballot, not one bit, the Isles won't even alert the media as to your injury. But with that team in front of you, you wouldn't deserve to be on the team anyways.

Fleury...You get a pass. 6-3-2 2.49 and .920 isn't too bad while missing your top 2 defenders, legit. For now.

Kari Lehtonen. Dude, you're on the 2nd page of NHL stats. Get off the ballot. 2-5-2 3.44 GAA and .903 save %? WHAT? There are two goalies on his OWN TEAM that have better numbers. Cut it out, Bettman. Cut. It. Out.


Next we have Henrik Lundqvist, Ryan Miller, and Carey Price. All legit, no one can have qualms with those 3 guys being on the ballot.

Vesa Toskala, has to be the only reason that the Leafs, with that rag tag bunch of losers they've assembeled and refer to as a professional hockey team in Toronto, have a winning record. But his numbers are still piss poor.

Tommy Vokoun is the other hard one to determine, probably should be left off the ballot by virtue of his 3-7 record, but with the Panthers in front of him he must face 67 shots a game. 3.02 GAA and a .910 % percentage isn't too bad. He should probably be left off though.

NOW FOR PLAYERS THAT GOT THE PROVERBIAL SNNNNUB.

Tim Thomas - Boston Bruins. This journeyman fat hog has played phenomenally with that Julien led trap in front of him, with a 1.85 GAA and .944 save %, how can he be left off this list? Add in a pair of shutouts and the fact that they are currently tied atop the Northeast division with the Sabres, you have the first snub. Simply he is a casualty of splitting time with Manny Fernandez.

Alexander Auld - I ridiculed this poor bastard earlier. He's the epitome of a fill-in who wrestles the job away from the incumbent (kinda?) starter and ran away with the job. He boasts a 5-2-1 record with a 1.84 GAA and .936 save %. Ottawa started slow, but it's no coincidence a little semblance of solid goaltending led to their resurgence.
Also a casualty of splitting time, for whatever reason, with that f-stick Marty Gerber.

Mike Smith - Playing for that God awful Tampa team, has compiled a 4-3-3 record in 10 games for the Lightning. Ranked 8th in goals against with a 2.33 and 3rd with a .934. Is 10 games enough to warrant an all-star invite. No clue.

TOO LITTLE TOO LATE

Since taking the job away from Jose Theodore, Brent Johnson has put together a string of good starts, but not enough to warrant an allstar nom. Likewise, Michael Leighton, splitting time with former Conn Smythe winner Cam Ward, has put together some good numbers in limited time.

VERDICT

This list needs to be trimmed down, you don't need to pander to your markets to make them feel special by having NHL allstar nominees. Lose Biron, Lose DiPi, Lose Lehtonen, Lose Vokoun. Add those two snubs if you want, whatever I don't give a shit, but seriously these guys don't deserve it.


ITS THE GOOOOOOOOOOALIEEEE (same previous mighty ducks reference)

Niklas Backstrom, Minnesota Wild
Ilya Bryzgalov, Phoenix Coyotes
J.S. Giguere, Anaheim Ducks
Miikka Kiprusoff, Calgary Flames
Pascal Leclaire, Columbus Blue Jackets
Roberto Luongo, Vancouver Canucks
Evgeni Nabokov, San Jose Sharks
Chris Osgood, Detroit Red Wings
Marty Turco, Dallas Stars

Now see I'm already pissed off, just looking at the Wests list versus the Easts, take a gander, only 9 listed here. So apparently there's not another goalie in the West worth enough of a damn so they could even the lists. I'm sure I'll be able to find a suitable snub later, when I get to it, which is now. Let's proceed through the Western Conference's goalies. CAVEAT EMPTOR:: I do not get to watch many WESTCON games, as I suppose you could say I buy into the east coast media bias. Suck it LA.

Niklas Backstrom: Legit. 2.19 and .931 on a competitive team.
Ilya Bryzgalov: Not that Bad, but 2.47 and .919 isn't that great.
J.S. Giguere: Started off terrible, but with that defense ahead of him, is 3.07 and .907 at all acceptable? I didn't think so.
Miika Kiprusoff: Not this year (3.33 and .888)
Pascal LeClaire: or any year (3.41 and .881). He's played less games than his back up Norrena (luckily he has worse numbers than Pascal)
Nabokov: How bout Yesbokov, but only by virtue of his record. His numbers are not impressive whatsoever.
Roberto Luongo: Deserving, 5 shutouts at this point in the year is pretty damn impressive.
Chris Osgood: Underappreciated, but would his numbers be the same on just an average defensive team? Still 2.97 and .892 ain't nothing to stick on the refrigerator.
Marty Turco: Good God no, look at those numbers, horrendous! 4-6-2. 3.93 GAA. .858 Save %. THAT'S an all-star?!?


And yes I know I wrote a ton less for the West than the East, but I've seen the east goalies multiple times, and rarely get to watch those out in the left coast.

THE PROVERBIAL SNUBBZ

Wait, I looked, look at the numbers for the teams in the west, the goalies are freakin terrible! You have an argument for the Cristobal Huet and Bulin Wall tandem, but they've only played 6 and 7 games, respectively, so they can't count. LaBarbera is the next closest to having a shot (that hasn't been given an undeserving nomination) and his numbers at still above 3 and under .900. Snubs? THERE ARE NONE.

TOO LITTLE TOO LATE

The aforementioned Chicago netminders. Tough one fellas.

VERDICT

I'm not going to speak to knowing, but, looking at the numbers, only perhaps, 5 goalies deserve to get a nomination for the All-Star game. It's already a sham that this game is played in the middle of the season and has only 15 games or so of a sample size to select said "all-stars" but some of these picks are downright insulting. If I'm Marty Turco I'm calling up somebody in New York and would be insulted that my play could even be considered the best of the best.


OVERALL VERDICT

19 goaltenders were offered up as nominees for the All-Star game, of those, maybe 10 deserve recognition. Trim down the list of nominees, and then you won't have to insult us fans with the choice between Crap 1 and Crap 2. It's a shame the NHL decides to pander to certain markets or appease influential teams with some of these picks (at least that's the conspiracy theorist in me), but this probably isn't going to change much of anything. Even though this is just for the starters, and the coaches (whose selection process is even more arbitrary than the players) hopefully rectify this situation.

If I had my choices...
From the East. Ryan Miller, Henrik Lundqvist, and Tim Thomas. Lundqvist gets the start.
From the West. Roberto Luongo, Niklas Backstrom, and in a toss up Ilya Bryzgalov. Luongo the start.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

HIGHLIGHTS: 2-0 Sabres Victory!





Pominville on his knees...that's what she said.

Pat Kaleta with the nice shaft work...that's what she said.

A truly dominating performance for the first twenty minutes, lagged off towards the end, but we just out-D'ed the epitome of defensive systems. The PK was terrific last night as was Ryan Miller. However the real game star goes out to Kevin Weekes for keeping his team in it, when this one could've gotten out of hand real quick.

After tonight's game, and the impending return of Jochen Hecht, who sees the press box? My vote goes to Drew Stafford, 3rd lowest TOI last night (ahead of Mair and Afinogenov, both the other candidates to see the game from upstairs) and frankly little production. Lindy Ruff has benched others in the past to get a point across, will he do it again?

My Panties Are In a Bunch

OMG, the Pens are only 6-4-2! OMG Malkin isn't scoring goals! OMG the D is going to be so bad without Gonch and Whit, OMG Staal is awful....ok well...that is true.. but seriously Pens fans, shut the hell up. I'll admit, I too thought the Pens were in bad shape without their top 2 D men, but are things really that bad?

Yes the Pens D is the root of their problems, but it is also the source of their success. Where the Pens miss Gonchar and Whitney is in the transition game, no one, maybe besides Letanger, can move the puck from D to D to O like Serge and Whit. The O looks like they have their thumbs in their asses because of this and requires more effort on our wingers to come back and support the puck instead of being allowed to move to open space as the D brings the puck up. It's cliche yes, but eat my ass...a lot of game are lost in the neutral zone. See Stanley Cup Finals....

Where the D is good is they are still pretty solid defensively in their own zone. Yes the Pens give up a shit ton of shots but a lot are taken from the perimeter. So give credit where credit is due.

I didn't get to catch the Pens/Blues match up Saturday because it was fn blacked out, so I really don't know how we managed to score 6 goals besides the fact that the Blues D is worse than being caught whacking it by your mom and I have no idea what the hell Chris Mason was doing on 5 of those goals. But from the highlights and game notes that I've read, Pitt was able to sustain pressure once they got the puck in the zone.

Dirty Satan's goal is the prime example of what I'm talking about though, and is what the Pens will miss for much of the season. A perfect breakout: Letang to Crosby, Satan supports the play, Crosby one touches it to Satan, and the next thing you know Mason is in Satans 666th circle of Hell.

So Pens fans, myself included, stop expecting 5-1 victories, don't get upset that Malkin's goal production is down (still leads the league in pts...that's a good sign), and stop bitching about overtime games. Games are going to be tight for the first part of the season. Good things are coming...

Update: Good Thing #1: Fat Douchey Devil Goaltender out 3-4 months. Over under Devils get more than 82 points?

-Denson

Monday, November 3, 2008

Sabres V Brodeur. Nope



Great news for Sabres fans, Martin Brodeur will not be participating in tonights contests, due to a tweaked elbow...pussy. The recently thinner goaltender left the Devils/Thrashers game with what has been diagnosed as a "bruised elbow"....pussy. I assume it's actually a strained FUPA.


ACTUAL NOTES ON GAME FEATURING THE NHL'S LEADING SCORER AGAINST A TEAM THAT EMPLOYS A DEFENSIVE SYSTEM THAT CHOKED THE FUN OUT OF THE GAME IN THE MID 90S

Last season all 4 games went to the shootout, with the Armpit of America winning 3 of those, how? No clue...Brian Rolston and Bobby Holik (how old is this dude?) are still on IR...That lil bastard Zach Parise leads the AoA with 14 points (9 dingers, 5 asses), Gionta is next with 8 pings...How that donk Lou Lamoriello gets a team featuring guys like Pierre-Luc Letourneau-Leblond (best name everrrrrrr), Johnny Oduya, and Mike Mottau to succeed, I can be mildly unimpressed...Call me Captain Obvious Asshat, but this isn't the same team without Marty Brodeur.

Vanek is still a beast...Interesting to see how Kotalik performs as the man on the wall on the 1st line, apparently he's some sort of throwback Eastern European pitbull, we'll see...Its amazing to see how much better Pominville plays when he has a Center, an actual center, not Jochen Hecht (whom I feel is fantastic and really excels going both ways...thats what she said)...Miller's eyes had that look of focus and determination (not like how Biron's baby blues could melt your heart and steal your soul) and you knew he was gonna have a big game...No softies to P-LL-L k thanks...Does Paille deserve to be on the 4th line? Absolutely not, however right now you have to play the General along with some playmakers...Timmy Connolly looked good in his first game back, amazingly, if he plays all 71 games left this year, he still won't have played 50% of the game's under the 3 year contract he signed after his "breakout" playoff run.


STATISTICAL BREAKDOWN BITCHES

GOALS: 11 T. Vanek
9
Z. Parise
ASSISTS: 7 A. Sekera
6
B. Gionta
POINTS: 14 T. Vanek
14
Z. Parise
+/-: 5 T. Vanek
8
D. Oduya







GOALIE MATCHUP (presumably)



GP W TGA GAA SO SV SV%

Ryan Miller 8 6 15 1.82 1 221 .936
Kevin Weekes 1 0 1 1.80 0 14 .933









The game is on Versus tonight as well as MSG, so a nationwide (haahahahahha) viewing audience tonight.

edit:: P-LL-L is day to day with a fractured nose, poor bastard.

Also, I forgot. Asshole.
 
Fact: BanginPanger is not meant as an insult to the one and only Darren Pang, nor do I claim to be him. The views and opinions presented on BanginPanger are of my own, and no other namesake of the site, the NHL, Buffalo Sabres, Washington Capitals, or anyone else.