Monday, December 1, 2008
A Week Late But I'm Bitching Anyway
Dion Phaneuf, that ugly bastard, is essentially our last bastion of hope to stave off Rafalski (see he must not be pure blood Red Wing, Detroits fans are racist). Jarome Iginla has a shot at knocking off Zetterberg, but I tend to doubt it. By God Andrei Markov has nearly half a million votes! ANDREI MARKOV!
You can check out the latest tally, so you don't have to wade through all the XM bullshit on the NHL website. Apparently though my pleas to quit being douche-y aren't being heard by the peoples of Detroit, Montreal, and Pittsburgh (remember, Gonchar and Whitney still haven't played a single game this year).
So we can only hope that the NHL Hockey Operations Department (huh?), in coordination with the GMs, rectify the situation and elect guys who deserve the nod, Tim Thomas, Devin Setoguchi, Shea Weber, etc.
My dream scenario? Montreal vs. Pittsburgh. Ryan O'Byrne skating up the ice in transition, lays a suicide pass for Markov, who proceeds to get R.J. Umberger'ed by a recently cock blocked Eric Godard (that damn Crosby gets all the ladies!) into mindless oblivion. O'Byrne comes to his aid in a fit of rage, but unfortunately gets his stick up high, resulting in Saku Koivu's good eye flying aimlessly through the Mellon Arena crowd. The Montreal bench clears due to such a bloody ruckus, however in the hullabaloo Mike Komisarek falters while hopping the boards. As he struggles to get to his feet, Kovalev steps directly onto his ACL, slicing it into two pieces. Kovalev then stumbles over the wrenching body of Komisarek, coming dangerously close to the Godard - O'Byrne tilt. Again, O'byrne is wildly flailing and before Godard throws the haymaker to reduce O'Byrne to a mindless heap, he drops and turns to pick up his stick, attempting to go Marty McSorley on Godard. Unfortunately, as is O'Byrne's panicky nature, he misses and two hands Kovy across the brow, which triggers a stroke. All the while Carey Price has been rocking in the fetal position in his own net, scared of what O'Byrne might do to him. But the Penguins goalie, whom we all thought was recent call up Brad Tolliver, unmasks, and it turns out to be none other than Jean Claude Van Damme! The Muscles from Brussels unloads a roundhouse kick and makes a bloody mess out of Price! SUDDEN DEATH REFERENCE FTW!
I give that situation a 20% chance of truly occurring.
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