Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Still Doing Your Christmas Shopping?

...or haven't started yet? Well let me tell you what, I have ever found the perfect present to give to that special hockey fan in your life, and by special I mean retarded.

Available only at, yes, that's right, the official NHL website of Alex Ponikarovsky, he of 80 career goals (averaging .47 points per game), has his own official NHL website. Marty Brodeur, Ryan Miller, Alex Ovechkin, Hank Zetterberg...and Alex Ponikarovsky. Boy does it deliver some fun.

For just $ 199.99 Canadian, you can get know what I can't even describe how creepy it is. Let's let the product description tell you.
This unique collectable is a life size moulded sculpture of Poni's hand. The sculpture created by world-renowned artist Vlad Volosenko. The sculpture holds a Toronto Maple Leafs puck that has been hand sign by Poni.
This effing douchenozzle literally had his hand sculpted and is vain enough to sell the damn thing.

Unbelievable? Hardly, considering Poni (how pissed would you be with that faggoty nickname) has his own NHL branded website. But get this, it get's better. Order before November 30th (SON OF A BITCH WE MISSED IT) we can join Alex at a private party! Again, I can't put this to words, I'll let do it for me.
Anyone who orders a sculpture before November 30th can elect to pick up their sculpture at a private party to be held on December 3rd. Each person attending the party will be allowed to bring one guest. This is your chance to have Alexei sign your personalize your puck. As well you will have a photo taken with Alexei and receive a personalized 8x10.
Oh Ef me, I could've met this prick. Oh no, there's even a disclaimer! They've only produced 2,323 of these gems! Oh now I really hate this guy, his number is 23. God, he really must be gettin off to this. Actually...
Take away that puck and his hand kinda looks like he's ready to rock little Poni in the bathroom, with the exhaust on, so his roommate can't hear him wailing away on himself. He is gettin off to this shit.

Alex, you're now being nominated for Goat of the Week. Bitch.

Fact: BanginPanger is not meant as an insult to the one and only Darren Pang, nor do I claim to be him. The views and opinions presented on BanginPanger are of my own, and no other namesake of the site, the NHL, Buffalo Sabres, Washington Capitals, or anyone else.