Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Eastern Conference Grades...so far...
Anyways, no ones here at work so these are my grades for the Eastern Conf teams thus far. I base these grades off of 1. Pre-Season Expectations 2. Talent. 3. Bias. 4. Gayness. With 3 and 4 holding a lot of weight.
Boston Bruins - A+
Wow, is it possible to hate the city of Boston anymore right now? Soon enough the Bruins may be in the Stanley Cup Finals and I'll have to add them to my most hated teams ever list with the cheating douches Patriots and the Wow I can buy Championships Red Sox. I don't hate the Celtics cause well...basketball just is make-believe.
But in all honesty, the Bruins are sick nasty. Marc Savard is one of my favorite players and will likely have 15,000 assists by the end of the year. They have strength through all their lines, amazing speed, and oh...how bout that big bad D. It ain't no fluke they have the lowest goals against total in the East. Tim Thomas is still fat...but a well worthy Vezna candidate...for now.
Pittsburgh Penguins - A-
Enter my bias. Look, if you came to me after the Stanley Cup finals last year and told me "oh hey by the way, starting next season you'll be without Gonchar til March, Whitney til January, and Fleury's va jay jay will be sore for a month" ...should there have been any reason for me to think the Pens would be where they are in the standings? No. Pittsburgh's D is where they earn their A-. Everyone would have expected the Pens to be where they are with Gonch and Whitney in the lineup. When news of the injury broke, all thought they be fighting for their playoff lives, myself included. Letang has taken his game to another level, Goligowski has been a solid replacement for Whitney on the PP. Geno and Sid challenge each other on a nightly basis, making them even more dangerous. You have to play 60 minutes against this team if you want to win. See Detroit.
Montreal Cagaydians - A-
Look. I know we rag on Montreal, but they deserve it. They'll be in the playoffs, they'll win a round...maybe 2. Their O is nasty, their Power Play is crap. None of their forwards deserve to be starting the All-Star game but enjoy your 100th season. I'll enjoy your 16th year of not winning the Cup. Carey Price will leave you just like Patrick Roy..woooooo.
All gayness aside...................................................................................................
sorry but that's a lot of gayness.
They're a force in the East.
Washington Capitals - B+
Another team doing basically what everyone expected of them: Win a shitty Southeast Division. Ovechkin is Ovechkin, but Sperm boy (Semin...get it?) is finally healthy and proving he can....oh wait Semin just got hurt...again. Douche. They'll be the 3 seed, play someone like Philly, and lose. That's all I have to say about the Caps. I hate them.
New York Rangers - B
They have talent. We know that. They have the King, we know that. But the Rangers are doing basically what everyone expected of them, enough to make the playoffs. Their offensive woes will be their downfall come playoff time. Chris Drury...14 pts...-6?? ouch. Maybe he can sign with the Mets. Zherdev (23 pts) and Naslund (20 pts) have proven to be great signings considering they lead their team in scoring. Imagine where this they'd be without them... The King is the only reason to take this team seriously. I'm generous with a B, but they are winning the division, even if it is bc they have played 900 games.
Philadelphia Flyers - B
Terrible start, just awful, but they have come on as of recent. Actually one of the hotter teams as of late. Simon Gagne is just unbelievable for his age, could be in the MVP talk at the end of the season...it's too bad he's one or two more Lucic hits or Ruutu elbows away from his career being over This team had some lofty preseason expectations, making it to the Eastern Conf Finals was one hell of a turn around last year. I just don't see them making it over the hump with Marty Biron in net. Bring back Hextall...he was just badass. A retard, but badass...
Who doesn't hate Chris Chelios. Retire already. You're more annoying than Jeremy Roenick.
New Jersey Devils - C+
Now watching the Devils play your team is like watching 2 Girls 1 cup...it's so awful and terribly disgusting...but you just can't look away. Giving the Devils a C+ is probably a little low considering their loss of Fatty Brodeur and looking at their record they are half decent. The Devils have quietly won games, and Zach Parise is a freaking machine. Who wouldn't want him on their team? I just don't think the Devils have enough talent in net to continue to win games. Weekes and Clemmensen have held their own, but too many teams in the East are better, they'll win 2, lose 3, win 1, lose 2...that'll add up and they'll be on the outside looking in come playoffs.
Buffalo Sabres - C+
6-0-2 start, Vanek leading the leauge in goals, Miller was an early Vezina candidate, and the team that found the loss of Dorothy Briere,Brian Campbell, and Little League World Series Champ boy too much had finally become a "Team"...but man have the wheels come off. They need to get their shit together if they are going to find themselves in the playoffs. They're not going to win the division that's for sure. Boston and Montreal are just better teams. But, if Buffalo finds themselves in the 7 or 8 spot, and facing Boston in the first round, I might lean more towards the Sabres in that series. Tim Thomas would just shit his pants. Now we can just sit back and watch to see where that "All-Star" Max and his 1 Goal 8 helpers are gonna end up.
Florida Panthers - C+
Does this team even play? Ever? Let me tell you how much I know about this team: Jay Bouwmeester leads the team in points. A D man leading your team? Ouch. Craig Anderson has been a real bright spot for this team, sporting a nice 7-2-3 record in net. And did I mention they are only sitting 2 points out of the 8th seed in the playoffs?
Carolina Hurricanes - C
Maybe the second most boring team to watch aside from the Devils. Rod Brind'Amour is awwwwwful. I mean...he's second on his team in scoring...with a -20. Haha. At least he can still be the ugliest player in the NHL. Oh how far the Hurricanes have fallen since that dream Stanley Cup Matchup with the Oilers. Can't forget that one soon enough. Laviolette is out, Paul Maurice is in. This team can't compete with the Caps, and only one team from this division is going to make the playoffs. Sorry Guys. Above 500...for now.
Toronto Maple Leafs - C -
The addition of Burke brings this teams grade up. They are floating around that 8 spot with a .500 record. Don't expect to see them in the playoffs...Brian Burke can't save this team this year...nor can Mats Sundin...speaking of Mats..where is he? Anyone heard anything on him lately...Bueller? Anyone?
New York Islanders - D
The team plays hard, I'll give them that. But that's not going to get this team anywhere. Just look at their roster...they're old..and there is no talent besides Mark Streit...he's nasty. Joey McDonald better stop playing well unless we too wants to be trapped in an Islanders jersey for 15 years! And don't question why I used this logo...it's just plain sweet.
Ottawa Senators - D
2 years ago, this team was in the Stanley Cup Finals. Now they are one of the laughing stocks of the NHL, with one line of two All-Stars and 1 murderer...Too soon? This team is dysfunctional and there is no way the big 3 stay together much longer. Screw em. They suck.
Atlanta Thrashers - F
Who cares. This team blows too. Kovalchuck wants out and who can blame him. No talent to surround him besides Kozlov, and there is no fan base. They look like Pittsburgh a few years ago...but this team is not going to be saved. I can't wait for douchelund to start those rumours of Kovalchuck to the Pens. I WANT COLBY BACK :(
Tampa Bay Lightning - PEEWEE HOCKEY
Mark Recci - 6 G, 9 A, -11
Steven Stamkos 3 G, 8 A, -11...oh yes please play him more...hahahaha
Ryan Malone 5 G, 7 A, -3...totally worth $31.5 mil.
Gary Robert 2 G, 1 A, -6...you had 2 goals in one game. Please don't hurt me.
And lastly, I leave you with this. Sums up everything I want to say about this..."team"
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2 comments:
I didn't write this shit! I'd have been way more biased.
If I see Chara tomorrow pre-game, I'm spitting on him, no doubt.
I don't feel like signing up for an account, but come on Corey!
Be a little more biased why don't you?
The Pens and Flyers have the same number of points, but the Pens are an A- and the Flyers are a B?
We all know the Pens are in trouble if either Crosby or Malkin go down, when coupled with the rest of their injuries.
Sabres are a C+? They're a good team. They've had some slight inconsistencies, but they're strong overall.
And best of all, the Rangers, who have been pretty consistent and are leading the division, but are hitting a small slide right now (like the Pens), are a B, but the Pens are an A-?
Definitely written by a Pens fan, no worries Marty, no one thought it was you for one second, lol.
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