Thursday, August 5, 2010
Game Over: I Quit The Internet
"The Leafs will win the Cup this year
the Habs n Sens will win their cup in a 24 pack of beer;
Yo; you know you had enough when you're beaten by Phaneuf,
and not a lot of men can beat Luke Schenn,
and you'll be running for your mommy but you'll run into Komi,
and the goalies will feel regretful when they're beaten by Phil Kessel,
you heard it hear DAWG!"
*Lyrics by Sens_Suck
So Colby Armstrong recognized you from a video? Sure that wasn't never? Sure that wasn't Shrek?
Friday, July 23, 2010
In This Case; I'm a Blue State
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| Is ESPN even allowed to talk about hockey anymore? |
Whether it's 29 other jilted fan bases (nope) or just how shitty that contract really was, well, sorry Devils' fans, you stand alone. Devils fans; you're kinda like Leonidas and the Spartans, nobody is backing you up, you're all alone, and there's only 300 of you.
You know what; when it's segregated like that, you really do get the armpit joke.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
The Tampa Bay Lightning: The Cause of America's Obesity
Graphs don't lie. But in reality, this is pretty interesting. The damn Lightning couldn't get anyone to go to their games back in '99, so naturally, you bribe them with beer, nachos, and other delectable treats. Awesome.
As part of the sales team of the NHL's Tampa Bay Lightning in 1999, then-fledgling executives Chad Estis and Brent Stehlik were part of the unit tasked with what they both called the "hardest job in sports."
Tampa Bay was the worst team in NHL history. It was in the midst of four straight 50-loss seasons, becoming the first team in league history to ever do so. In 1997 Forbes magazine ranked it as the worst professional sports franchise economically, reporting the team had accrued a debt equal to an astounding 236 percent of its value.
"We were a last-place hockey team, and a historically bad last-place team at that, in a warm-weather market," Estis said. "Straight up, selling a Lightning season ticket was almost impossible to do at the time. So we would brainstorm ways to have a better opportunity to sell season tickets."
Estis' solution was what would evolve into today's all-you-can-eat options. He helped create a high-end, all-inclusive club in one of the underutilized end zones of the St. Pete Times Forum, then known as the Ice Palace. A huge risk, the renovation to the arena and building of the club cost what Stehlik said was more than $1 million.
Estis, Stehlik and the Lightning's sales team sold the XO Club as a different way to take in a hockey game. Everything was included in the package, even alcohol. The club was catered to corporate clients and large company groups. It was a model -- the all-inclusive experience -- that was fairly common in the service industry but foreign to the sports industry. Estis said the franchise sold out the majority of the club: 500 buyers purchased season tickets.Who wants to bet Estis and Stehlik are pretty big boys? Either way; apparently MLB teams are trying to get folks into their over-sized stadiums with all-you-can-eat offerings. Way to go Tampa, look what you started. Now I bet you'll want to make the playoffs or something equally ridiculous.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Headline Fail: A Bruin in the Closet?
I mean, we all thought it, the faux-hawk doesn't do him any favors or any of this crap floating around, but come on SI, of course the Bruins aren't scared if he's in the closet. Do you know a single person afraid of Tom Cruise? Of course not.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Actually Introducing The ThreadShop
I've joined up with a buddy and created the BanginPanger ThreadShop; yeah, t-shirts. We're still in the infancy of the whole process, but we're slowly building out ideas, and welcome yours as well (go ahead email threadshop@banginpanger.com, we'll even answer).
Right now we've got the limited edition (not really) "Fire Sather" t-shirt for you Rangers fans, as well as a whole slew of Calder Cup champion Hershey Bears wares for you Hershey/Caps fans.
Look, we're even getting positive buzz 'round the net!
What's the future hold? Well; obviously we're sports fans, not just hockey, so we'll be building out to other sports, but obviously focusing on hockey for now. So do please visit the store.
The Other Russian
There's been one guy floating around (and no, I'm not talking Ovechkin in the defensive zone) who has the most to lose, but potentially gain, while we all wait on Ilya Kovalchuk. That is; of course; Alexander Frolov. He's coming off a 5 year deal, worth $14.5 million, coming to a very affordable cap hit of $2.9 million. Obviously; his tenure with the Kings could very well be coming to a close, depending on when and where Kovalchuk signs.
Now for a guy who topped out at 35 goals, and 71 points (when he was their only option two years ago) and had 19 G, 51 points this year (on an actual good, competitive team), $2.9 million is a steal.
Yeah, he's gonna get a raise. But what's he waiting for? Well, I wish we'd knew, but with the MSM just lathering up Kovalchuk's shaft for the past 3 weeks, we don't. But here's what we can assume.
In lieu of the fact that he hasn't signed anywhere yet; when I'm sure there's suitors in the likes of the Pens, Isles, and elsewhere, he must desire to stay in SoCal with the Kings. Maybe it's a family issue?
So is Frolov going to continue to wait for the Kings; and for Kovalchuk; when he's obviously already been labeled as the 2nd Option White Russian (sounds like either a beverage, or a sexual position, I'm not sure, but I think I will invent both later), and somehow not feel jilted by Lombardi and Co.?
Obviously the Kings have cap space now (but won't later when the need to sign Quick, Doughty, and others), so can they sign both White Russians? I tend to think Quick and Doughty are just an eency weency bit more important to that team's success than Frolov. No offense, rolly Frolly.
Now if Kovalchuk does sign with the Kings today, as was widely speculated upon yesterday, and multiple days before, what options does that leave him? Does he take a one year deal, a la Hossa, with say the Pens, to play sniper to Crosby's playmaker? Or does his agent go calling to one of those franchises who need to reach the cap floor, like the Isles or Les Thrash looking for an absurd overpayment?
Or like we've seen with so many (and by many I mean a few) of his countrymen, will he fly the coup, and just head over to the KHL? This is probably as likely as anything.
I don't know, nor will I pretend to, hence why I laid out every single potential option, which kind of makes me a dick. What I do know is that Kovalchuk continues to piss off everybody while he clamors for his $100+ million, including me.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Who Tyler Myers Forgot to Thank
Tyler wanted to also thank many more people, before he was rudely Spike TV'd off the stage (after a sloppy Mark Wahlberg whored him to begin with). Let's see who he forgot.
1. Tyler wanted to thank the rest of his teammates; especially Pat Kaleta, ensuring he wasn't the ugliest guy on the roster.
2. Tyler wants to wish Hank Tallinder good luck in free agency, but hopes he comes back, he doesn't want to have to stand next to Roy and Gerbe in the team photo.
3. He didn't want to forget Derek Roy, for consistently making an ass out of himself on Chippewa so people don't bother him.
4. He wanted to thank Lindy Ruff for giving him the chance to stick with the big club, and he just loves the way his mustache tickles.
5. Myers wants James Patrick to know that he appreciates him acting like the "cool dad" and totally not busting him for all the beers in the back of the plane.
6. Myers missed out on the opportunity to thank Manute Bol for teaching him the finer nuances of skating on his edges.
7. He wanted to thank the Jolly Green Giant; for paving the way for future Ents.
8. He wanted to thank Eklund for not adding his name to any rumors yesterday.
9. He wanted to thank the voters for overlooking the fact that he led the league in giveaways.
10. He also wanted to thank United airlines for the added headroom on his flight.
11. He wanted to thank Landon Donovan for breaking Twitter today; he really hates Twitter.
12. He wanted to thank Abraham Lincoln, for freeing the slaves.
13. Tyler forgot to add during his speech thanks to Ryan Huska, his coach at Kelowna, for teaching him how to pronounce Kelowna.
14. Wanted to thank grandpa for pulling his teeth out with pliers.
15. Wanted to thank his middle school gym teacher for telling him white people don't succeed at basketball; try hockey.
16. Myers wanted to thank Office Depot for the premium multipurpose paper; and the gel ink pen, he really liked the way they worked together.
One last note; on his way out pretty sure he told Luke Schenn "nanny nanny boo boo, I beat you." I'm not sure how that makes sense, but it does, it does.
Did you happen to hear any more of Tyler's thanks? Throw 'em in the comments.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Brooks & Dunn No Nothin' Bout Hockey
Caught wind of this over at JapersRink. Awesome find.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Joel Quenneville: PWND
After the Cup win, looks like some puerile individuals decided to unload Charmin in his front yard. 'Spose it could be worse, at least he doesn't have to clean up Tallon's mess, that's Stan Bowman's job.
And Just Like That; Hockey's Over
Growing up in Hershey it's always great to see the Bears succeed, let alone put together arguably the greatest season in AHL history. In that video, you basically want to see the very beginning, then right around the 5:00 mark, especially you Pens fans, when Chris Bourque is named Playoff MVP.
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